Maybe they know something we don't

likely

Ok so i've been in a monogamous relationship for 17 yrs now, but have been sexually frustrated for the last 3-4 and it's driving me barking.

TRUE STORY: When we were on holiday last year in Wales, i was walking back from the site entertainment complex, must have been about midnight. I was latched onto by a pretty intoxicated 25yr old walking the same way with a friend/sister and a small kid. She was coming onto me fairly strong, give it to me, give it to me now ...and such. My heart was racing a bit. I kinda helped her to her van and kept reminding her that i have a woman. I'm still haunted by the whole affair.

But now i've found myself here? ...have i cracked?

Why do birds suddenly appear?

It don't rain in southern California

People take their significant other for granted after a while. Focussing on their career. forgetting about their SO and only thinking about their prestations on the work floor. Because they are on the work floor so much, they meet other people there and from one comes the other.
The person at home who never sees their SO anymore because he or she has to work extra hours will eventually not take the neglect anymore and that leads to cheating by placing ads on the internet or by meeting others in real life.

Some people think that once they are in a relationship they are safe to not take care of their body anymore and they neglect their bodies out of laziness. The other spouse notices that and starts to lose sexual appetite for the other SO and so that person seeks for a person who does take care of his or her body in a proper way.

Many reasons for cheating.

Judging is not always the good thing to do. Analyzing the causes might be more helpful.

One who judges , analyzes .
They are synonymous.

How about break up instead of cheating which will ultimately lead to breaking up.

This isnt rocket science for crying out loud.

Judging and analyzing are not synonymous.When one makes a judgement it is usually in the context of morality.Something is good or bad,right or wrong based on certain priciples.When one analyzes a situation the conclusion they reach is more about validity rather than morality.When I analyze your statement I look at its validity.If I determine it is invalid I am not making a moral judgment merely a statement of fact.Part of the problem is that most people use the word judge as if it is synonymous with analyse.This isn't rocket science,merely using words as they were intended to be used.

This

Men cheat either because they are sexually unsatisfied/in their nature/they are pigs/ they think monogamy is a piece of wood you put on a fire place and of course to some its a challenge.

Women cheat usually because they found someone they are emotionally bonded with and they've emotionally un-bonded with their current partner.

Im sure some women do it for physical attraction but that is rare.

For sex..they do it for sex.

They don't run off with somebody and play cards or watch a movie... they have sex.

And everyone always starts thee threads out with .. the man".. guess what... women do it too and many times.. they are the aggressor.

Why do people cheat? Simple......whatever is going on in their life, they have reasoned within themselves that it's what they want. They throw out all the reasons not to and simply give in to the desire they have to bonk another person. But don't quote me on this....I swear I heard this from Dr. Phil.

fear of risking losing something that may turn around or losing money/assets

cowardice, of not being able to be honest about their feelings or desires with the partner

selfishness, of wanting everything they want including their partner and others, but wanting to feel like the only thing their partner wants...

Sometimes people are just cheaters and enjoy that behavior.

I'm retire (if that indicates my age) and the vast majority of men that I've known who had affairs did NOT do so just because "they could", "it's in their genes" or "they wanted to spread their seed around". Most had marriages that one could see that both parties had issues and communications (both ways) had slowed to a crawl. Most of these marriages acted like room mates with a marriage license.

FWIW, the vast majority of married men who have affairs do so with a married woman. Frustrating that when marital cheating is brought up it's always "Men who Cheat". Let us all remember to ask the question "who were/are these married men cheating with"?

A MARRIED WOMAN!

By no means am I justifying this activity but the subject always seems to be one sided. Why is the cheating married woman usually ignored?

Because society tries to force everyone into monogamy and that is not the preferred relationship that fits some people. Often when people are dating at a younger age, they date multiple people and have multiple sex partners. Society then expects them to change into a monogamist after they get married. Might work for awhile but it is not their natural inclination!

It is fine if people dont prefer monogamy, but it is a different choice to MISLEAD another or to prefer to have it only for themselves and not their partner, IMHO

most people I know who were unfaithful would be devastated if their partner did the same. it seems if the problem was really non adherence to the concept of monogamy, I dont think that would be the case. Thats what a swinging lifestyle is for, people who dont 'adhere' to monogamy but want a semblance of a relationship with each other.


I think being honest about what you want and what you can give is the bottom line, choosing to be dishonest in terms of your expectation for having and giving fidelity is key to never being unfaithful, because you would have no one expecting fidelity in the first place.

I totally agree.
Honesty is the ultimate key.

I guess I have to disagree. Society has been conditioned by our entertainment systems to accept and believe in free sex and non-monogamous relationships. The big swing began during the late 60's. The major reason teen and early 20's multiple sex partnerships came about was: birth control became available for non-married women (doctors would never consider giving a prescription to a single high school or college girl), abortion on demand and entertainment displayed it as normal.

When growing up we knew some couples were involved in outside of marriage sex but it wasn't accepted as normal. Teen and early 20's women were afraid of pregnancy and the "reputation" . Living together was unheard of during the early to mid 60's. Society has been conditioned to accept outside of marriage sex as normal.

While I agree with the requirement for honesty it is a very hard discussion to have especially after a couple has been married for a few years. Before the wedding it should be a topic for discussion along with your future spouse's credit report and the prenup. All difficult topics that tend to get ignored!