I as a woman?? ️, I say again that dating is just a waste of money. Better to marry and the money can be saved to buy a house. Right?? We can build marital relationships with trust and mutual respect, not with dating in a long time.. You are just wasting money for nothing. Better to donate and get good things from god.
How much do I spend for dating then? No idea, I just ask him to get married, if he's ready. Dont be too sinful before marriage. Like making sweet coffee but you are diabetic??. There is no hope then

I as a woman?? ️, I say again that dating is just a waste of money. Better to marry and the money can be saved to buy a house. Right?? We can build marital relationships with trust and mutual respect, not with dating in a long time.. You are just wasting money for nothing. Better to donate and get good things from god.
How much do I spend for dating then? No idea, I just ask him to get married, if he's ready. Dont be too sinful before marriage. Like making sweet coffee but you are diabetic??. There is no hope then

Wow... Do you even enjoy life? Do you know life is meant to be good and fun and joyful?
We're not here to live from the head and only think and plan and strategize. You can do that, it is also part of life, but it is supposed to be balanced out by feeling good, by being happy & joyful.
Money is meant to be exchanged, not to be carefully and fearfully tucked away under the mattress out of fear of lack. When you live in fear of lack and lack of joy, you will attract just that.

So right off the bat you ask the guy to get married?.. no dating.. no " getting to know each other".. just get married and figure all that little stuff out later?

Not only would that not be appealing to me. it would scare the hell out of me.. I would be out of that relationship.. before it even started.

I as a woman?? ️, I say again that dating is just a waste of money. Better to marry and the money can be saved to buy a house. Right?? We can build marital relationships with trust and mutual respect, not with dating in a long time.. You are just wasting money for nothing. Better to donate and get good things from god.
How much do I spend for dating then? No idea, I just ask him to get married, if he's ready. Dont be too sinful before marriage. Like making sweet coffee but you are diabetic??. There is no hope then

you are from a different culture, it seems you do not understand western culture Lula

Over here we dont do arranged marriages, we like to know our partners first and means dating.

Here is something you dont understand about men and especially men in your culture, as they are off marrying the pretty young woman, the moment she has kids, he out getting his weasel greased.

As the wife is staying home with the kids, looking after the house etc, he is out doing his thing.

It's quite logical: they make an effort to be with you, to see you, because they feel you are worth it.

Men want a confident woman, a high-value woman, one who a) feels herself she is worth it and B) is able to appreciate their effort for them because that shows she is worthy. Again it is able to receive that and to be proud and feel worthy of who you are.

If you then offer to pay because he's made that effort it's a direct message of "I feel guilty you did that for me" by which you A)ruin his good feeling about doing this for a woman who is really worthy and b) you tell him you do NOT feel worthy.

So he then made all that effort for a woman who isn't worthy and/or doesn't appreciate his effort for a woman of High Value, which up to that point he thought you was.

It IS emasculating to a man, unless you have a wuss. A real man will feel emasculated and disappointed. Men want to win. They want the woman they're after to be a prize, worthy and making him feel he's won the jackpot!
You take that away from him the minute you want to pay for the date.

It's quite logical: they make an effort to be with you, to see you, because they feel you are worth it.
Men want a confident woman, a high-value woman, one who a) feels herself she is worth it and B) is able to appreciate their effort for them because that shows she is worthy. Again it is able to receive that and to be proud and feel worthy of who you are.
If you then offer to pay because he's made that effort it's a direct message of "I feel guilty you did that for me" by which you A)ruin his good feeling about doing this for a woman who is really worthy and b) you tell him you do NOT feel worthy.
So he then made all that effort for a woman who isn't worthy and/or doesn't appreciate his effort for a woman of High Value, which up to that point he thought you was.
It IS emasculating to a man, unless you have a wuss. A real man will feel emasculated and disappointed. Men want to win. They want the woman they're after to be a prize, worthy and making him feel he's won the jackpot!
You take that away from him the minute you want to pay for the date.
Like Undrrboss says, it's HIS choice to drive that distance.
And yes, you can sure show your appreciation for him doing that. Men do like that. But then go don't go overboard. I once bought a man a cuddly toy because he said he wanted a cuddle when he'd driven 2 hours. In Dutch the word for "cuddle" and "cuddly toy" is the same, hence me doing that. Didn't cost much, impact of appreciation was huge.
Another bloke like crystals, as do I. He drove over 3 hours. I gave him 2-3 tumbled crystals as token of my appreciation. Small things.

And you know, if you feel uncomfortable about these things, you can express that, as long as you do it the right way. Which is not insisting to pay the bill. It is saying something like "I feel a bit uncomfortable..." "I feel..." But do NOT insist to pay.
Learn to receive. Love yourself, then it gets easier.

If a man feels like less of a man by allowing his date to feel comfortable, then I do not believe it is the woman's fault.

It is all a matter of perspective.
1) my worth is not determined by the amount of money a man is allowed to spend on me
2) my feelings on things should not emasculate him. He should be just as considerate of my emotions and what led me to them as I would try to be of his
3) I do not love myself any less or think myself unworthy because of my desire to pay my own way in the beginning. Buying a man a meal or even a drink is a small token, in my opinion, of appreciation. It isn't like I am buying him a ring and proposing.

As I said, looking back I can see the impression some men get ... but at the time my baggage clouded my judgement. Even now it does, but I am working on it to improve myself.

what exactly is a man looking for? Independent woman or woman who depends on him? Some statements make some examples less clear.
There is always a sentence like its okay and if she wants to.
And this makes a difference of perception then.

your question is wrong lulu

it should not be
what is a man looking for?

it should be
what is this man looking for?

all men are not the same
so all will be looking for something different

lula, it depends on the man

some men prefers confident independent women that enjoys being a lady and wants her man to be a man

some men prefers women who depend on them for everything.

some men are abusers no explanation needed there.

some men are wimps and whine like little boys or spoiled Kardashian children, because they've been poisoned by third wave feminists.

some men dont know their azz from their elbows

and then there are those self proclaimed nice guys and you should avoid them all costs Lula

well not a 2 month wedding plan and paying for a marriage visa that is for sure