I support that topic all the way

Creationsfire, I am having to schedule lonely in on my list of things to do lately. The job I have keeps me so busy that it isn't until I get off work that I realize that I am lonely, again. No wonder I became a workaholic before and becoming that way, again. I am on so many honeydo lists that it becomes hard to keep tract of them. It is like if I have time that I will get back with you. I have seen others who get so immersed into their work that the time just flies and one starts to wonder what happened to the time. Last night was like a blue moon where I work instead of just like a full moon. The female aide whose husband just went to California to become a boilermaker was hopping to the call lights just as fast as I was. One Alzheimer resident was yelling like he usually does that he is hungry and sounds like that movie, "Little Shop of Horrors" for somebody to come feed because he can't remember that he just ate. This other Alzheimer lady was coming down the hall in front of his door in her walker and I swear she did the best impersonation of Robert Deniro of, "Hey, I am walking here." Then we had our one of lady resident who must of been a great mother when she was younger asking the yelling resident what he needed and it was like total pandemonium. Everything that could go wrong just about went wrong. Oh, man it is like that scary song of, "They only come out at night." Our poor charge nurse who is already at wit's end because she is pregnant and manic depressive was just about to pull her hair out. The female aide working with me was getting a migraine from the yelling resident and it was all I could do to keep from laughing my ass off because I just couldn't help to wonder what the hell was going to happen next.

i am just bugging out again.. trying to figure out what is next in my life to do and can't find a way to succeed. and the one thing that was keeping me going is now slowly becoming less fun and im scared i might just lose my mind

Well, Hill.....at least they got your mind off things for a while, and you got a good laugh. Yeah the lonelies suck.

Jeff, Hon, try to keep your head above water...I know it is hard. But I have faith in you.

Today was a good day for me, but got so caught up in it that I totally forgot what the main purpose was/still is, but I have no more energy to go back to the store across town.

I was modeling today for my art teacher. Had to stand really still for about 3 1/2 hours.....but it was worth it to me. Bought food for my animals, and she wants me to come back next weekend. I will be immortalized in bronze for eternity, hahahaha........ok ya I'm ditzy tired. And now that I'm in the house and have everything unpacked, I just want to cry, but of course that is impossible.

I like someone on here but if anyone tells him about this therad, I doubt he will want anything more than friendship hahaha, NO REALLY.....

You got more patience than me, Creation. I can stand and I can be still but for 31/2. Heck, that is pretty good.

I think it's good for peole to express their feelings, especially depression, suicide, etc. having a topic dedicated to that may help others, I support it.

Perhaps, someone going through a tough time, may find a friend that has been there and can offer sound advice.

i can totally relate to this topic especially today. today is the anniversary of the day my marriage broke up and i am so depressed i don't really know what to do with myself. to say that i'm not handling this well would be an understatement. as i type this right now, i am in tears. ever since it ended, i feel so helpless, alone, and worthless. waking up everyday is a chore for me, and that's really not like me because i am usually such an upbeat person. i just don't know what to do anymore. i have lost everything and i just don't know what to do anymore. this is absolutely tearing me up inside, not the divorce, just the being alone. i hate it.
Becca

I am sorry you are having a bad time Becca. Try to find something positive about it, it is hard to see anything positive right now, I know. I am glad you found JSH and have become part of the "family." There is a great group of people on here and you will make some great friends. My advice to you would be to try to stay busy, I don't know if you work outside the home but if not, maybe try some volunteering at a food bank or nursing home, you will meet great people and they will be so grateful for the time you put in and the elderly adore you for the time you spend visiting with them. I found, after my divorce, that once I got a job and got out of the house and working it was easier because I made new friends and I wasn't sitting at home feeling trapped and trapped in my head thinking about the "what ifs" all day long. It is hard to get motivated when you are depressed and feeling like you do, but you need to push yourself with everything you have to get going, once you take those first few steps, it gets easier. It really does. Have you talked to your doctor, or a counselor, or tried a group?? There are lots of free groups out there, and churches have groups too, I don't know if you go to church or not, just a thought. You can e-mail me if you want to talk, I am on here most nights. I wish I could do something to make you feel better, it is hard, and anniversary dates are always hard. Take a warm bath, do something nice for yourself, watch a funny movie, do something to take your mind off what you are feeling, call a friend. I hope you are feeling better soon. Take care.

marie, thanks so much for being so helpful. it really helps me to get some advice from someone who has been there. i am glad i found jsh too. in the short time that i have been here i have met some really nice people. staying busy does sound like a good idea. i have been watching 4 children during the day to earn a little extra money and having them around,i don't have a lot of time to worry about things. some volunteering does sound like a good idea. i love to help people and i love being around other people so that would be nice as well. maybe the fact that i am jobless (well except for watching the kids) has something to do with this as well. what bothers me most really is the way that it ended..he pretty much told me point blank that he didn't love me anymore and he didn't want to work out our problems and that he wanted a divorce. that hurt me more deeply than anything anyone had ever said to me. i am over him, but it still hurt to be treated that way. it's really destroyed me in a lot of ways. i haven't spoken with anyone about this much because i don't want to burden them with my problems, but i am thinking about talking to my pastor at church. it is hard...too hard..just about all i have done tonite is cry. i just don't know how my life ended up like this..i did take a nice warm shower and i am making a nice warm cup of coffee to relax me. i hope i feel better soon too, because like i said, i can't deal with all of this. i feel like i am going crazy. thanks for helping me marie i appreciate it so much.
Becca

Talking to your pastor is a good idea Becca, they are trained counselors. Sounds like your ex was pretty selfish and had other plans and just didn't care about anyone other than himself anymore. I was married to an alcoholic who couldn't care about anyone but himself. Don't let this destroy you. It is good that you have the kids to keep you busy, but I would look into volunteering too. Make some new friends that way, get out of the house, being house bound is hard, keeps you inside your head. Nursing homes are a great place to volunteer, the elderly love the company and some of them are so sweet and they adore you for visiting, just a thought. But you are a good person and you will get over this. Don't let him have this power over you, take it back away from him. You are in control of your life, don't let him control you. Start tomorrow morning when you get up and look in the mirror and tell yourself this is the first day of the rest of my life, and I am in control of my life. And decide how you want it to go, not how he wants it to go for you. Then I would call your pastor and see if you can schedule an appt. to meet with him, and check into groups at the church, do they have a singles group?? A woman's group?? Check into volunteering, what is available, what do you like to do?? Where can you go to make new friends?? Once you start doing this, you will feel more in control of your own life and feel stronger, and things will get easier, the first steps are always the hardest. But once the ball starts rolling, you will feel so much better and stronger, and things will start to fall into place. You will get through tonight, it is just another night, just like any other, and you will make it through. You are a good person, deserved a lot better than what you got. Next time you will know what to look for in a man, what to watch out for, and hopefully find the man of your dreams. You deserve the best, and next time you will hold out for it. Take care.

I was staying with a friend of mine after my ex-wife (now) ask me to find somewhere to leave the house. A couple of months later, I was dismissed from my job. The reason given was that I was struggling. The next day, I woke up feeling grogy from the medication I took to sleep the night before. I went into kitchen to pour a bowl of cereal, but I spilled the milk as I poured it. I lost all control of my emotions and they came flooding out in a torrent of anger, self-hate, blaming everyone, cursing everyone at the top of my lungs. My friend had just left for on a trip, so there was no one there to calm me. After about fifteen minutes of this tirade, the police appeared outside. I believe the neighbors called them. I called my then wife and told her I had gone overboard. I ran down for my machete and told her I was going out there to confront the police with it. Not a good idea. She begged me not to do it, that it would hurt everyone that knew me and loved me. My kids, sibs, parents, friends and yes her. I hung up on her, ran down stairs and coward in a corner in the basement. I called my step-son from my first marriage. He is a police officer. He said that if I went out there with the machete, it would be over and it would not be pretty. He told me it would hurt him deeply and basically said the same things be then wife had told me. He intervened on my behalf, calling the officer directly from his suburban office to the patrol cars. I told him I would only come out it my wife came and got me out. She showed up shortly, and was able to got to the door, where I handed the phone to her through the mail slot and my son, still on the phone with me, told the police I was giving up and to not use unnecessary force. I layed down, but they asked me to get up, that they were to help me. After some conversation with my wife and the police I was transported to a hospital for mental evaulation and admitted to a psychiatric facility. I received treatment, including shock. While in the facilities, I had people from all areas of my life calling me with there concern for my well being. People from other cities and states. My mom, dad, sisters, friends, co-workers and yes the minister of the little church that I don't even regularly attend. All of them have stepped up beyond any imaginable idea to do what they could do to help me. I had visitors eveynight, a friend allowed me and my daughter to stay at his house, so it would not be a long drive to the after care treatment I needed. Unbelieveable I say!!! I thought my life was over, lost my wife, kids, job, self respect. However, those that care about did not lose their respect and love for me and wanted me to stick around.

Am I the one to say, "NO" you don't understand, or is it me, I, that didn't understand how much I mean to all of them.
I love my kids dearly, I could not and will not do this to them again. With the support I have recieved, it is now my responsiblity to do all I can within my power and God's will to help myself improve my mental health as well as personal situation. The picture you see of me was taken in front of my parents house, 1000 miles from home. I came here to visit after the treatment was done. I plan to go home and pick up the wreckage of the life I once thought would be mine. I will have help, there will be friends and loved ones to help me put it back together. Although, they will be there to help, my good friend email the other day and said, "We are glad your getting better and we will be there to help, but gotta meet us half-way.
No more excuses for me, even though I knew my depression stems from a chemical imbalance, I don't need to give IT any help.
I intend to help myself and when I struggle there those that will pick up the shovel dig a little, too, if I ask them.
After all, I would do them, and that tends to give a lift, too.

Don't suffer alone. Get help, call a good friend, sib, parent, or even a help hotline. I have and hope springs anew. Look I'm on a online dating service and that is certainly new for me.

Easy does it, but do it!

Bearsman

Congratulations Bearsman, I am glad you took the right way out and got the help you needed. You are working it and it is working for you. Good work.

wow u two are great and very supportive. y'all are really making a bad night much better for me. but you're right marie, he can't control me anymore and i need to keep telling myself that. it was better that i did get away from him. people kept telling me i never should have married him and i blew it off...now i feel kinda bad for not listening because the exact things they were telling me were right all along...and bearsman, i lost my job for the same reason. i was struggling due to the divorce and so they fired me...they weren't the least bit understanding of the things that i was going through. but in times like this, you truly do find out who your friends are. the support i have from my family and friends both overwhelms and humbles me..it still hurts, but i don't need to let him bring me down anymore, because he is not worth it. i can and will do better because there has to be something better out there for me..i am glad to hear that you are well into the healing process. this has been a really hard road for me but i can and will come out of this. thanks so much to both of you. y'all have no idea how much it helps me to know that i am not going through this alone.
Becca

You are not alone Becca, you have me and other friends on here. And you have yourself, you are a lot stronger than you think, just never gave yourself credit, or he wouldn't let you give yourself credit before. But you can and will do it, I know you will. You are a strong person and have a good heart, that is why it hurts. But you can take your power back and take control of your life and show him how great you can be without him, you can show him what he lost out on. You will be so much better without him in the long run. Just takes time and some work to get there and you will. I have faith in you, you just need to have faith in yourself, and you are getting there. Have a good night and sleep well. Tomorrow is a brighter day already.

thanks marie. u are an incredibly kind person and i thank u so much for the help. i am glad i decided to post here. i actually feel much better than i did before. i appreciate it.
Becca

I am glad I was on tonight Becca, you are a good person and we all need friends at times. I had some stuff to do so was gone for a bit. Take care and keep me posted on how things are going. The reason I had so much information on some of this stuff is that I have been where you are right now and I fought my way out, so maybe sharing some of the information can make the trip easier for you. But it is a trip well worth making. Have a good day.

I would very much support a dedicated Forum for depression. I have dealt with depression and everything that comes along with it since my early teens. Although I do receive counseling and medication every month, sometimes I would like to be able to discuss things with someone other than my doctor, but I am not comfortable in a face-to-face group setting. I don't have many friends and feel as if they really don't want to hear it again and again and again.

Hi Peachy and Becca,

I also belong to a 12 step group. There are many 12 step groups out there today. Some deal with drinking and others deal with drugs, while others deal with emotions. Think about it.

That is a good point, Bearsman.

List of Twelve-Step groups

AA - Alcoholics Anonymous
ACA - Adult Children of Alcoholics (also abbreviated as ACOA)
Al-Anon/Alateen - For friends and family members of alcoholics.
AAA - All Addictions Anonymous [1]
A.R.T.S. Anonymous [2]
CA - Cocaine Anonymous
CDA - Chemically Dependent Anonymous [3]
CEA - Compulsive Eaters Anonymous [4]
CHAPTER 9 - Couples in Recovery [5]
CLA - Clutterers Anonymous
CMA - Crystal Meth Anonymous
CoDA - Co-Dependents Anonymous
COSLAA - Codependents of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous [6]
COSA - Codependents of Sex Addicts [7]
DRA - Dual Recovery Anonymous [8]
DA - Debtors Anonymous
Dep-Anon - Depressed Anonymous [9]
DDA - Dual Diagnosis Anonymous [10]
EA - Emotions Anonymous
EDA - Eating Disorders Anonymous [11]
EAA - Eating Addictions Anonymous [12]
FA - Families Anonymous [13]
FA - Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous [14]
FAA - Food Addicts Anonymous [15]
GA - Gamblers Anonymous
GSA - GreySheeters Anonymous [16]
MA - Marijuana Anonymous
NA - Narcotics Anonymous
Nar-Anon - For friends and family members of addicts.
NicA - Nicotine Anonymous
OA - Overeaters Anonymous
RA - Recoveries Anonymous; the Solution Focused Twelve Step Fellowship [17]
RCA - Recovering Couples Anonymous [18]
S-Anon - spouses and family members of sexaholics [19]
SA - Schizophrenic Anonymous [20]
SA - Spenders Anonymous [21]
SA - Sexaholics Anonymous
SAA - Sex Addicts Anonymous
SCA - Sexual Compulsives Anonymous
SIA - Survivors of Incest Anonymous [22]
SLAA - Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
SMA - Self-Mutilators Anonymous [23]
SPA - Social Phobics Anonymous [24]
SWA - Sex Workers Anonymous [25]
Sex Industry Survivors [26]
Social Phobics Anonymous [27]
WA - Workaholics Anonymous [28]

Groups with twelve steps only partially patterned after AA's
GROW
LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program [29]
PIR - Pagans In Recovery
STA - Self-Therapy Anonymous [30]

AWRIGHT HILLFOLK!!! YOU DA MAN!!