Thank you everyone. It has been a confusing road but I have faith that some one will notice that I am very interesting and that if they get to know me than they will see the person I really am.

I have experience a few women on this site who were& are depressed , i've tried 2 help,words of encouragement,telling that I'm here 4 them ,we chat about anything...oh i'm so sweet Bam cu it won't work,ur 2 good 4 me blah blah tell them I've bben there,don't care so understand that 2 some u have 2 b honest with urself and FAITH in God &others will help DRASTICALLY!

A men.

well caring sometimes that is fear,i have rejected men because i fear they won't handle my panic attacks well.i guess i should give them a chance..

jkk i just want to tell you that you are very strong girlfriend,stronger than you know.Keep plugging.
Cutts your fine.this is the internet my friend.some people dont realize people are on the other end of the line.

hugs to all and have a great week !!

HUgs to evreyone. glad to see ya cute. thanks for the sweet comment today. i really needed it. had to get harsh with someone and i hate that....sighhhh. at least it wasn't here on the site.

i dont really know where else to say this... i've been cutt off from my world because of a recent move and have no one to talk to.

pretty much my whole life i've hated myself... no, more than that. i've loathed myself.

someone once told me that the bigger the purpose someone has in this world the harder it is to see through their own eyes. so i just want to know that what if you really don't have a purpose and you just slipped through the cracks? what if your actually just a body filler? i know i'm really young to be thinking about stuff like this... but i've been thinking a lot about mortality and purpose lately.

i guess my real question is how does someone actually LIVE when they have no real idea of who they are and what they're going to do for the rest of their life....or even what they're gunna do with the next year of their life?

am i making sense or am i just rambling? i dunno... i just kind of needed to put this out there, somewhere.

u r a making a lot of sense
u have to live day by day, giving the best of u
the purpose will come to u little by little
u have to think the best of urself, u have to think of urself as very valuable person

this is a really great idea!i hope it works......we need 2 help...my bestfriend needs help (erik_not_eric)he's on my friends list.... i'm trying real hard to help him but i think he needs more help.someone please help u can write me anytime & i'll tell u more.....i hope he don't get mad at me.....i just want to help him.PLEASE HELP!

here is to you all
I've suffered form depression since i was going through my divorce -- the docs ran me through so many tests (I was blacking out) and have diagnosed me now with post traumatic stress dissorder -- so no it doesn't have ot come from being in a "military war". I've tried to go off my pills and I just shut myself into the closet so to say. The thought of living on meds the rest of my life doesn't thrill me but when I can't get my meds because I can't afford to go to the doc ALL THE TIME it isn't fair either to some of us!

WEll just wanted to say kudos to you all for living the one day at a time and making it through wiht what we all get thrown at us day by day

{{{HUGS}}}

Country - check into the needy meds program through the drug companies, people can get their meds for free or almost free straight from the drug companies, if their income qualifies them, you would just need the prescription from your doctor. Could save you a bundle of money if you qualify. Also some stores like Wal-Mart now have some kind of a $4 medication copay thing going for generic meds, not all qualify, but worth checking into, I just recently heard about this. Might be worth asking about.

Stars - sometimes you can't help your friend and they need professional help, they need more than what a friend can offer. Has he seen a doctor or counselor? He may need a short course of medication to get over this hurdle in his life or a professional to help him sort through what he is going through. That doesn't mean you aren't helping him being his friend, but there are times when people need more than we can offer. Have you tried to talk to him about talking to his doctor?? You are doing a great job being his friend and trying to help, but sometimes they need something more. He is lucky he has you for a friend. Take care.

Jrock - I would just tell you to keep moving on. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Depression is hard to overcome, and it is confusing, torments you day and night. You are a good person, and you do have a purpose in life, just need some time to figure it out. I was one of those that didn't know "what I wanted to be when I grew up" either. Have you tried counseling or groups, church groups help some people, volunteering helps other people. It helps you get out and meet people and discover more about yourself and who you are. I don't know if you are in college or not, but taking college courses can help too, being around people and involved in life helps sort things out. Don't let yourself withdraw into a shell, that is the worst thing you can do. My thoughts anyways.

Since I haven't been home to be on the computer, I figured I would update you on what is going on...

First of all a few weeks ago I went and looked at an apartment, and didn't think that I could afford it, and decided that I should stay where I was even though I don't like it...

Nothing else was said about the place...

Then two days ago, I was sitting down at the kitchen table with my family, and dad all of a sudden and out of the blue asked me if I was going to apply for the apartment that I looked at... I told him that I got an application but didn't think I could afford to pay the utilities and still have the money for gas to pick up my children, or money for the things that I needed around the house...

He then looked at me funny and said, "How many times have we let you go without... All you have to do is tell us you need the money and we will either bring it to you or mail it to you."


Coming from dad being sober I was suprised, and applied for the apartment... I haven't heard anything yet, but I just mailed it out on Saturday night, so the post office didn't get it until Monday, so hopefully I will get a call soon... If I don't get a call I will call them, because the manager done told me she didn't think it would be a problem....

So I have been very busy boxing everything up in storage because it was in garbage bags, and since they have just been sitting in there for a year, when I picked them up, they busted... So I went and picked up boxes, so I will be busy this week, and won't have much time on here... But will be on at night to talk to you all... Don't think I forgot about any of you because I haven't... I am just trying to do what is best for me. And right now that would be to get the H*** outta my parents house, and with a quickness... they are driving me nuts.

Marie the problem isn't the price of meds -- I am extremely lucky and the meds are very cheap and i have insurance to cover most of it. The problem is the docs wanting me to go in and sit there ask a few questions and 100$$ comes out of my checkbook!! Just isn't fair when they say I have to be on them then they should run a long running perscritpion UHG been 15 years of this.

Anyway ... where there is a will there is a way right :) ( yeah I'm on my meds haahaa).

To every one else -- take one day at a time and don't put too much on the next as that is a lot of my problem too. Drive myself nuts doing that. I can't change some things and other things take time.

Well off to do more in the basement -- making progress!!!!!!

Hey peeps.......been super duper busy with school but wanted to pop in and say I love ya guys!

Country, if it helps you, please just pay and go. Mental health isn't available to everyone. You should take advantage of it. Ifit helps, all the better. If it doesn't, seek help somewhere that you can....

Moody......sucks I can't seem to cry. Literally I can't cry. No tears and if I get bleary eyed, the tears just seem to dry up. My heart clentches, I ache with pain and feel sadness I can't explain but can't let it out. It sucks. Even if i listen to sad music, nothing. I'm lucky to get one tear.

a screw it.......g'nite

well kids my mom is fine and my parents are going to help me buy a car..ibig hugs to you all!!jax

Kewl ((cute)). Glad to hear things are looking up for you. Don't cha just love that? Seems sometimes right when we least expect it, we get that lift we need.

Tonight I am sad and lonely.

antoher update for you...

I received my verification letter today for housing... My bank fill that out for me, since they had to, and now I am waiting on proof of my disabiltiy award letter and when that gets here I have to mail those out and then off I will be, all on my own... I am happy but at the same time really upset... I won't have a computer... the library blocks this site, and many others, and I won't have a way to keep in contact... So I thought that I would leave this account open and if you all would like to eamil me other than this site you can do so at jkkabtje@yahoo.com.... that is my email address... I can check those at the library with no problems... I will keep my JSH account open for anyone who would rather email me here, and when I come to moms I will check messages here on this site...

I hope all of you are doing well... God Bless....