I hope that fat bearded bastard and his 12 gay reindeer side swipe a sh!t truck on the way to my house. I am ready for this to be over!

Well there are a lot of people on here that are not interested in anything but friendship. Even I have made many friends on this site. I log on and post and read emails and have a good laugh or cry and forget all about why this site is what it is. So just stay open minded and post often. People will get to know you and soon you'll be getting the emails and talking to lots of different people from all walks of life.

I plan to unscrew the cap off of a bottle of rum around noon on Christmas day. That should get me through the next couple of days.

Glad you feel better lol

My first wife Cynthia passed away. We were both 29. A blood clot to her heart. We were so poor when we first married. One of our last Christmases I was finally making some decent money. Under the tree was a big gift wrapped present I had bought her and that had her really curious. On Christmas morning Cynthia awoke early and ran to the tree. That was the first gift she went for. She opened it and it was a metal detector lol. She looked at me and looked at it and back to me really confused. The she opened the card. It was a map. It said "With your new metal detector Go outside and look around the bottom step of the deck" She ran out and quickly discovered a bag of nuts and bolts with another map. "go to the garden hose and look around" another bag of nuts and bolts. Mind you she was doing all of this in her robe and big fury slippers and it was like 30 degrees lol. Finally the last bag of nuts and bolts said "Go look under your pillow" She ran back into the house and under her pillow was a diamond ring. In 10 years that was the first ring I had ever bought her because I never could afford one. She looked at me with her big beautiful brown eyes filled with tears and said "I love you." That was our last Christmas together, she died the following July. I will always remember that moment and I still smile inside when I think her but this time of year she stays on my mind. It's all good thoughts and I finally realized that her gift to me would be a life time of smiles.

AMEN!!!

Well marry Christmas to you all. I should say more but I'm still looking up the word "cathartic"

Take a bunch of booze with you when you go. Everyone will be happy to see you.

How much the ear wax removal bottle and the nose spray bottle look a like? I never noticed until last night!!! OUCH *snif* *snif*

Merry Christmas to all my South Carolinian homies

On a Budweiser scale I give you a 6. It would talk all 6 of them clidesdales to pull me off you!

Good morning dear and I hope you get all the sleep you can tomorrow. Have a wonderful day.

The difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?......



THE TASTE !!!!!!!!!!!

Well honey if you woke up this morning and said to yourself "I hope I find some fat 47 year old balding guy with green teeth" Then this is your lucky day....Come to papa!!!

#15 Always be sure that the wipes on the back of the toilet are wet wipes and not bleach wipes

#16 Always unload your luggage out of the back of your pick up truck before you drive through the car wash.

#17 Always be sure you don't throw away your lunch and drive your bathroom trash to work instead.

#18 While at the gas station and a woman approaches your truck and sticks her breasts in the window...don't touch em! She may just be trying to hand you your beer you left on top of the cab.

#19 When cooking chili don't be afraid to wear your reading glasses so you don't use cinnamon instead of chili powder.

#20 If a bird sh!ts on you go ahead and get indoors so another bird don't fly by and sh!t on you 20 seconds later.

#21 If your having an erotic dream, make sure your dog is not sleeping next to you.

#22 Speaking of dreams, if you dream you are in the woods peeing, more than likely you just pissed yourself.

it's just coffee right. I think I could splurge and throw in another dollar for her coffee.

We have a restaurant/bar here in Myrtle Beach called the dog house. You can actually bring a pet as long it is on a leash and you eat outdoors. Besides steaks and burgers there is even dog food on the menu. If I had a date and she looked that bad, I would take her to the dog house, excuse myself from the table. Stop the nearest waiter and say "Do you mind serving a dog biscuit to that woman over there" and slip on out the door.

I gave my heart to my first wife and then she died. She was 29 I was 28. I'll never love like that again and I am now 47. So I guess you could say A little of both. I gave it to her and it was buried with her.

been up for a couple of hours now I'm in my office sipping hot coffee and a good morning to all of you :)

I've seen that face at the post office