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Community > Posts By > 42BlackBBW
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Topic:
Fear of Intimacy
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In one of the (fictional) books that I read over the weekend, there was this bit in one that the author referred to as the fear of intimacy (sex). Simply put, women of a certain age (over 40’s) that have been single (i.e. not had sex) for two years or more develop this fear of intimacy. The longer they go without sex get, the more they look for reasons (valid or invalid) not to have sex and ergo the circle begins...woman meets man, man not quite right for whatever reason, equals no sex. Agree or disagree regardless of gender. Just to note, this is not based on any scientific data, just an observation by the author and my interpretation of what I read. My personal opinion is this line of thinking is HOGWASH! Adults make choices in their lives about many things because it is in their best interest not because they have some kind of mental phobia. IMHO The choice to have or not have sex is generally a case by case basis not a sweeping decision that goes by a calender. Not everyone has the consistent personal time, opportunity, health, or financial where with all, or privacy to name only a few of the variables that come into play before or after moral boundries to have a social life that would develope to an intimate relationship. Sometimes focusing on survival of self, or the survival of a love one, makes any and all non-essentials (and sexual intimacy while a positive in many ways) is not required for survival of either sex. If you consider the average 40 to 50 year old man or woman is part of the sandwich generation where they are not only helping raise children AND care for at least one senior family member besides their own chronic health issues and employment it is not fear of anything and just plain fatigue. Wow..that's pretty deep and insightful...definitely food for thought. |
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Topic:
Fear of Intimacy
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Ok...I will say what no one else is saying Darling.... Stop reading books written by some loser who is living in Mama's basement. Your reading material is lacking.... You are more than good enough BabyDoll. You deserve any man you set your mind to. You are a beautiful woman with a lot to offer in a great many ways. The guys who don't see you for you...are morons. Stop taking advice from people who write about it...take your advise from people who are actually living it. The last guy we had write about it is still in prison. My reading material is quite varied and sometimes a little dross slips in there but thank ya mah honey. |
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Topic:
Fear of Intimacy
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I suppose the opposite could also be true. Women who are so desperate for intimacy that they'll have sex with anyone. I know of men and women that fit into this category |
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Topic:
Fear of Intimacy
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In one of the (fictional) books that I read over the weekend, there was this bit in one that the author referred to as the fear of intimacy (sex). Simply put, women of a certain age (over 40’s) that have been single (i.e. not had sex) for two years or more develop this fear of intimacy. The longer they go without sex get, the more they look for reasons (valid or invalid) not to have sex and ergo the circle begins...woman meets man, man not quite right for whatever reason, equals no sex. Agree or disagree regardless of gender. Just to note, this is not based on any scientific data, just an observation by the author and my interpretation of what I read. Is there a problem with a single woman over the age of 40 not wanting to have sexual intercourse? No, not if they're not actively looking for someone to date. |
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Topic:
Fear of Intimacy
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Or maybe a tale of insecurity...
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Topic:
A Hard Pill To Swallow
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I don't think I'll ever have someone in my life as I am one of those strange and unusual kind. I do things differently from the main stream. I don't follow fashion trends. Don't drink any alcoholic beverages, nor smoke or chew tobacco. do to sensitive hearing I avoid loud concerts and movie theaters. Most importantly I have an unsational appetite for (interests in) considerably loose fitted clothing of lighter weight fabrics. For the sole purpose in knowing what the comfort factor is like. It's fine when other men wear Hawaiian printed silk or rayon shirts. But totally wrong for someone like me though. I don't care to wear Hawaiian prints shirts any ways. Or even mentioning about wanting to wear clothes made of silk, rayon of soft knits. Yeah, that really drives the women away. And in a big hurry too. Or watch the David Letterman show, seeing him dawn a long dress walking the streets in NYC. Not that I would go that far, but just giving an example. I'm not the only weirdo out there. Sturdy heavy shirts and jeans are fine for work, but it would be nice to take a vacation from them for a little while. And that unfortunately is a hard pill for anyone to swallow. Most have lots of theories as to why I would have an interest in such clothing. Most of them seem to think it has something to do with sex. Most people want to pretend they know me far better than I know myself. Suppose to be just like that guy they seen on the evening news. For me (I know me more than anyone will ever try to know me) it is only about the comfort factor. Does it provide sufficient freedom of movement? Is it a cool garment to wear on a rather warm summer day? What about the "breezy" factor? That seems to be the number one topic that chases everyone away. Yet go to You Tube, Fliker and many other sites to see gobs and gobs of videos of windblown hair & clothing - both by men, women and even kids. Wind is a natural daily fact of life, what's so wrong about talking about it? Oh well.... I think you've been hanging out with the wrong people 
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Topic:
Fear of Intimacy
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In one of the (fictional) books that I read over the weekend, there was this bit in one that the author referred to as the fear of intimacy (sex).
Simply put, women of a certain age (over 40’s) that have been single (i.e. not had sex) for two years or more develop this fear of intimacy. The longer they go without sex get, the more they look for reasons (valid or invalid) not to have sex and ergo the circle begins...woman meets man, man not quite right for whatever reason, equals no sex. Agree or disagree regardless of gender. Just to note, this is not based on any scientific data, just an observation by the author and my interpretation of what I read. |
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Topic:
Is someone
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Yes, it would raise concerns.
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Topic:
Dating question?
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I don’t think he’s ashamed of you either.
Here’s what I would do...when he arrived, I’d meet him at the door dressed to go out (nowhere fancy), tell him to get in my car as I wouldn’t want him driving after driving 75 miles, and take him to your local restaurant or somewhere else relatively cheap – the homebody thing could just mean that he’s short of cash which doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. |
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Any relationship where I don't have to try too hard and one that doesn't feel like hard work.
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We all have baggage. Just sounds like he's showing his idk..I would just tell him what's making you uneasy.
He sound too insincere/overly apologetic to me and as you haven't agreed to meet him or anything, I would use this (the corresponding stage) as an opportunity to hide behind my pc to air my concerns. |
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seriously, I'm a simple woman at heart. I've had bells and whistles and they're vlady noisy.
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I'm sorry but I can't process random thoughts..they make my head hurt and give me brain ache
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Topic:
2nd Amendment and Dating
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It's a little different in the UK as not a lot of people have firearms permits...so I would find it very weird.
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Do you think/believe that it is appropriate to text others while on a date with someone new? Is there a number or kind of acceptable texts? Assuming no emergency situation, when another is texting throughout the evening is that a sign, one way or the other, that s/he is not that interested in the date itself? 
I don't even have my phone out on a date. Texting throughout a date is completely rude. So is talking on the phone. If they're distracted by their phone, there's no reason for me to be on a date with them. Can't believe you don't take your phone on dates...for me it's a must for safety reasons alone. |
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Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Mon 07/23/12 04:16 PM
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I've sent the 'OMG, he's totally lush' or 'I don't think I'm gonna see him again' texts while the person's been getting the drinks or gone to the loo but I haven't sent texts while he's sitting opposite me. That would be rude.
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Topic:
Random gift on a first date
Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Mon 07/23/12 04:09 PM
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I had a guy buy me some cigarettes once.
The date was going so well that he we smoked our way through both our packs and we ended sharing the last one in my pack – the date lasted about 8 hours and we were still chatting at 3am. First date gifts really depend on the type of gift, the context and the person you’re dating. Flowers and/or chocolates are so passé that I would find it a bit weird if someone got me those on a first date and just make me red flag the guy. |
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Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Mon 07/23/12 01:03 PM
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I don't know how to respond to your msg...you just kind left me swinging in the wind with nowhere to go.
You also didn't respond to my msg either. Don't know whether you did it delibrately or whether you simply missed the joke. I'll give it some thought and reply 2moz |
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Topic:
Painful to sit through...
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Cowboys and Aliens Oh god yes! I saw the trailer and thought it looked pretty cool. Boy was I wrong. Yeah..truly awful. Thank god I didn't pay money to see it at the cinema. This movie had so much potential. They tossed out all the good ideas and went with the worst ones possible. I have felt this way about a lot of films...lots of potential or a great concept that somehow seems to get lost in translation on its way to the big screen. This is a shame because there are very few films that I actually want to watch on at the cinema nowadays. |
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Topic:
long distance love
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Horses for courses I guess...having learned from experience, I would not like to wait months to meet someone regardless of how much we seem to get on.
I would have to meet him face to face to establish whether we could build a relationship together before investing my emotions, time and finances. |
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