I met a nice and cute guy from another site who is very respectful of my privacy and boundaries. He is understanding and down to earth. I really do believe his interest in me is sincere but he seems like he is trying too hard. While I intent to get to know him in public places for a while I don’t know exactly how to articulate my hesitation, so I hope I won’t be misunderstood because I really do like nice guys.

Maybe it’s best to give some examples. In his profile he lists all the things that’s supposed to make him credible as a datable guy but these are given things or not worth mentioning in my opinion, like loyal, no DUI's, has his own place, a good job with benefits (I don’t need to know that), no children (which is a repeated as the status already indicates that) etc... He stresses how important it is for him to "meet the needs of his lady." He goes on and on about that. He assured me out of the blue that he won’t abuse my number. I didn’t even think about the possibility until he mentioned it. I understand all of this may be because he is old school and from the Midwest, and I’m not. Still, so far this is not a problem.

He says he is 40 (I’m 47) but when I met him and in his pictures he looks younger. I don’t have a problem with 7 year difference although I’d feel awkward if he was younger than that. In our conversations he makes me feel like I’m his mother or I am his boss. He takes being polite to an extreme. He thanked me several times now for writing him back when I don’t even feel it is necessary. He uses words like he is honored to have met me. I don’t feel like his equal but it’s important to me that we are.

We only wrote each other for a week and met once and he is already writing things like “Gosh I love saying your name”, or “goodnight, my precious (my name)”.

Is it not too soon to be saying things like that? What is my gut trying to tell me (just wondering out loud) and why do i feel like I’m dealing with a 34 year old? No offense intended. Just trying to get some perspective. Any thoughts, my fellow Mingle friends?

My first thought? By reading what you just posted, my first thought was that he's probably not what he claims to be. But I don't know him, or anything about him, so who knows really?

I tend to agree with blueeyes. Sounds a bit strange from what you wrote.
But if you are feeling uncomfortable or wondering what your gut is telling you, I think that's your answer.

Although I cant say I don't disagree with these other 2 ladies... here's another take on it as I have a lot of male friends who are now or have been on dating site. What I have heard from them is that so many women have been burned by loser men with no jobs, living with mom etc. that most men feel they have to put this on their profile so women will stop and read the profile. Just another angle!

I don't know any 34 year olds who act that way. Maybe find a way to let him know that you're not in a rush and would like to get to know him better before he continues to call you things like that? And let him know nicely that he doesn't have to thank you so much? Then see how things go.

I think some men feel they need to point out those things to impress women.

I'm thinking stalker in the making.

But I could be wrong.

Just a personal opinion here, but it sounds like he may be trying to hard. If it makes you uncomfortable say something to him, just let him know to relax some and take it easy. From what you describe, he sounds like a nice guy but one who is just rushing things, or maybe a bit on the needy side.

I don't know him at all, but in situations like that, where someone is possibly either trying to hard, or pushing a little bit too much, you have to slow them down a bit if you don't like it. Otherwise they may figure everything is OK, and either keep going or push harder, which will only make things worse. You want to let him know what you do like and are comfortable with, and what you are not.

We all have baggage. Just sounds like he's showing his idk..I would just tell him what's making you uneasy.

He sound too insincere/overly apologetic to me and as you haven't agreed to meet him or anything, I would use this (the corresponding stage) as an opportunity to hide behind my pc to air my concerns.

You need to trust your instincts. Even if everyone here says it sounds fine...if your gut is telling you something is off then listen to it. If you have to convince yourself that someone is likeable to you, something is wrong.

I agree with this as well. You should not have to convince yourself that you're interested in someone.

We all have natural instincts and yours are telling you there is something about this guy that is wrong. It may not mean he is a bad person but it is just wrong because it makes you uncomfortable. Why make life spitting into the wind?

I know young people hate to hear this but if I had a buck for every domestic violence victim I have talked to that said they should have trusted their gut and run the other direction from the start I would be a wealthy woman.

You are young, pretty, and have no reason to be forceing yourself to accept something that already does not feel right.

If for no other reason than he could be a nice guy doesn't he have the right to have someone that does feel good about him? Someone who just feels good because he is around? Why do you want to mess up someone elses life?

polite is nice, but that seems more than polite, it seems somewhat invasive and would make me uncomfortable. experience for me has been, too much too soon, red flag!! just go with your instincts and be cautious.

Your gut is telling you that his behavior is pockmarked with red flags. If he isn't a psycho, he's at least way too needy.
Yuk...
for sure pepper spray, public place, and a pit bull on the first date

I got $20 that says the dude is gay and still trying to convince himself that he wants to bag a chick.

Ps...7 years is an age gap? Hardly.....

I HOPE that when someone is interested in you that youve met online that they are sincere and truthful-but Im also realistic.I cant see the point of someone getting some morbid pleasure by lying and stringing you along just to get there kicks-I just cant see the point-still,thats the danger of online meetings(and texting)My advice is to pray about it and ask God for his guidance and He will tell you in your heart

probley being fake or i need to meet her..

Thanks for the honest responses.
I haven’t given you all the info cause I didn’t want to bombard you with the details but it might help. He is divorced since 2008 with no baggage, moved to LA 6 moth ago for good.

On the other site I have stated in my profile that I’d like to not reveal any personal info such as name, e-mail, phone etc. until we meet a few times. He has been extremely patient, understanding, and respectful of that. When we met last weekend I didn’t get any bad vibes, so now we have each others first name and phone number (I don’t have texting and don’t use it). Then, while we were exchanging numbers, (I don’t know why) but I asked him to call me to make sure the number I gave him is correct. Later that day when I checked his call I realized it was a “no caller ID”.

I asked him what that’s about. Now you have to realize, we are still using the other sites message system since we didn’t exchange personal e-mails. He hasn’t called me yet cause he hasn’t gotten a huge embrace from me regarding wanting to talk over the phone (I’m more of a face to face person) and although he is available to receive my call “any time” I’m not calling him until I know how I want to proceed. This is why I’m posting here so I can get some perspective.

He wrote that his number is not blocked, that it was his direct number and that he uses Google Voice for convenience sake. I told him I still don’t understand, that I only mentioned it because I was surprised and I don’t answer No caller ID’s. He also said he switched to a different area code over the weekend and it is possible the number has not been updated in the mobile phone system. I don't buy it.

Anyway, since I’m a morning person and he works 11am - 7:30 pm I told him we could hang out for happy hour on weekends, dinner or explore the city. I get the feeling he wants me to show him around or initiate the next meeting or the first phone call because he is being respectful not to crowd me and because he doesn’t know the city that well yet, but I don’t really feel like initiated anything. I feel telling someone we can hang out to meet is enough. He should man up and ask me out. Maybe he will but I have been really distant because of all of this and haven’t encouraged him since.

So he is definitely not crowding me. I told him getting to know someone takes time, which is why I didn’t want him to give up his profile on the site after we met. To that he said he doesn’t expect to be the one for me and that he understands if I want to keep my options open. He is fine taking our time to get know each other and invited me to call him.

My messages have been shorter and more reserved. I guess my question is should I give him a chance in getting to know each other if he does ask me out? And how do I ever know if what he tells me is true without knowing anything about him.

Krupa, I understand your comment as a compliment. Thank you, but I just think he is a bit insecure or immature and trying too hard to gain my trust and not succeeding.

Ive always felt these forums are a difficult place to get helpful advice, mostly because its hard in black and white for people who dont know you to tell you whats going to work or not work for you, or how you should feel or react to something

I just spoke with someone else who was pondering a male who does the opposite of everything you mention, his profile is all about what he expects from the woman as opposed to what the woman might expect from him, he questions and puts her on the defensive about why she wants to go slow or why she hasnt called, ..you get the picture

really, the only thing odd to me from what you wrote is his explanation for a no caller id phone, everything else you mention would make alot of women feel a great deal of relief and freedom along with interest in knowing the person better


so its all very personal preference, and whatever the details, Id advise to go with your gut and truly explore what you really want without expecting anyone to match your whole list perfectly,,,