Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?"

I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too.

Why does it have to be going someplace?

What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have?

I haven't been on any dates since my husband passed away...If and when I do start dating (again) I want to take things slow and easy...I'd probably try to avoid men who are eager for "more" right away. (Moving in together, getting married etc.)...We're probably all in different "places." Some people are ready to "leap" and others want to stay on their "own." (At least for a good amount of time before they consider a new "merger.") Don't you think?

If you don't want the relationship to go anywhere or become more serious, try being upfront about that in the beginning. Let those women know what you're expecting and not expecting to happen. Be honest about what you want and don't want.

I agree...Honesty and upfront communication is so important right from the start...I don't want to be accused of "leading" someone "on" by keeping my true feelings and intentions a "secret."

I am always honest from the start. But, these replies do not address the question.

Why do so many women insist that a relationship be "going" someplace?

Where should it be going?

What's in this other place we don't already have?

TexasScoundrel...Good that you're honest and upfront right from the start with women you date..I guess some of the women are ready to "merge" and take the relationship to another level. (Moving in together...Marriage eventually etc.)...We're all in different "places" as I mentioned in my other post. I know I'm going to run into people with different priorities and different wants and needs (than I have) at any given point in time.

Some people date with the hope that they will eventually find the "right person." (And fall in love and get married etc.)...And other people date in more casual ways. Don't you think?

I believe that women want security. Not financial, but the security of knowing and believing that the relationship (time already invested) is going to be worth it. Perhaps after a few months she wants to move in together. You don't have to be married but she just wants to feel that the two of you are committed to one another. The phrase actions speak louder than words comes to mind.

You stated, "I had my space, she had hers". That only works in the beginning stages of a relationship. Eventually, if she really like you, loves you, she is going to want to feel secure that you feel the same. And she will want more of you, your time, etc. I think that's normal. But I could be wrong. Lol.

They do address the question, as you don't seem to want something serious and are wondering why these women want something serious. I seriously doubt it's just women who think relationships are going to get more serious.

Sounds like curiosity to me.
I don't see where they mentioned marriage.
They probably wish to rule out those not
on the same path they are.
Seems a logical query.

Living together is no more "secure" than living separately. If I wanted to cheat on her living with her wouldn't stop me. In fact, I think it's less secure. I'm now Dependant on another person's word that she will cover her part of the bills. What if she doesn't? What if we have to break a lease? Now, my good credit rating is screwed because of something SHE did.

I feel more secure living alone.

Marriage is still no guarantee of relationship security. It's nothing more than a contract in which we agree to merge our assets and give up certain rights. Before doing this, I'd want to be damn sure her assets were comparable to mine.

I agree with this. It's normal to want to know if the relationship is going to get more serious or not and whether you both want the same thing. Does that mean it has to go anywhere? No.

I tottaly agree!

The question isn't why does she ask. The questions is what's to be gained.

What's to be gained by taking the relationship to some other place?

How would it be better?

oh damn it.
reading comprehension has failed me.

I didn't ask why she asks.

Here's my OP again:

just sounds like a preference

some people are into detached and momentary hookups

others are interested in finding actual companionship with more deeply invested emotions and time and effort


we just have to be uprfront about which one we are, and sometimes asking the question about where its going is the way to find out which one our partner is and carry on accordingly

Still not addressing the question.

How does living together or getting married offer greater companionship and a deeper connection than living separately?

depends upon the two people

I was much more invested in those relationships where we shared a life(ie, space, bills, obligations, responsibilities)

as opposed to those where we kept our lives as they were, seperate, and just hooked up,,,


because there is more to loose, more trust and intimacy are needed,,,

I think the misconception is that women believe men "think about these things."

All relationships are going somewhere, whether it is stated or not. Some lead to marriage, some lead to friendship, some lead to the garbage. The trick is to stop worrying and wonder about the minutia of "where" its going and just enjoy the ride. The more you stress the details, the more likely the relationship hits a dead end.

JMO