Okay, let's see if I can guide this thread back on point.

I was a big fan of the HBO series, Sex and the City. In the first season, Carry met Mr. Big. She fell for him pretty quickly and why not? He was wealthy and handsome. Then she saw him out with another woman. They hadn't discussed exclusivity, but she was still jealous. Later she becomes upset when he tells her he never wants to remarry, but she continues to date him. She then breaks up with him after she stalks him and learns he hasn't mentioned her to his mother.

She starts seeing him again in season two, but gets upset when she feels she's not getting enough attention from him. Next she tries to slowly move into Mr. Big's place by leaving things behind. He puts them in a box and gives them back to her. Then she becomes very angry when she learns he's moving to Paris for a few months.

She goes to therapy and tells her therapist that HE (Mr. Big) was "playing games."

Throughout the first two seasons, Mr. Big tells Carry the truth 100% of the time. She obsesses over him and stalks him, always pushing for more in their relationship even after he tells her why he wants to move at a very slow pace. She even throws a fit in his apartment when she tells him she wants to follow him to Paris and and he's clear with her about how he feels about their relationship.

Up to this point in the series, Mr. Big is a perfect gentleman, (he becomes a jerk in season 3) but she pushes him away by always pushing for more and she is never totally honest with him about her feelings out fear of giving up too much power.

This has been the pattern of in relationships I've had after my divorce. I tell her I don't want to get married again and she continues to date me, but later gets angry when I hold my ground about it.

If I tell a woman I don't want to get married again and she keeps seeing me (hoping to change my mind I assume) and I still don't want to marry her, who's at fault?

Correct.

If you say no marriage and she starts wanting it, it is time to be the bigger man and let her go get married. You should want her to be happy if you love her.

Precisely!

What!?!

If I am totally truthful with her and she agrees to my terms how can any of it possibly be my fault? She is free to leave at any time, but choose to stay. If she stays, knowing my terms, and gets her feeling hurt it's her own fault.

In therapy I learned I'm not responsible for someone else's emotions.

I'm guilty as charged.

I only read the last line of the post that is the first quote in this post. That is, I read the line about the pole dancing, and nothing or not much before that line in that post.

So I drew the conclusion wrongly, and I plead guility to that.

I don't like to read long and complicated texts, you see. I like to write them, but not read them.

OK just where is this thread going anyway?

Heavy petting with pics I hope!!!

The ladies have run out of any kind of good argument. All they have left are insults.

Women push for more in a relationship because they are greedy, selfish and unable to control their emotions. At least that's my understand of what they have posted.

Women would prefer to leave a good man they love to giving him the time he needs to to feel comfortable in the relationship. This is a good example of their sense of entitlement and their over valuation of themselves. Whatever they have is supposed to be so good, that he should forget about his personal goals and start giving her whatever she wants even though neither one will gain anything they don't already have.

The longer he holds out, the longer he maintains power and control over his life and she covets this power. She wants to control him and is stymied by her ability to do so. So, she plays the only card she has left, an ultimatum. When this fails she blames him by saying he has "commitment issues" and leaves.

What hubris.

What I got from all this is you want all the power and control. When she wants to see how things are going you don't want to let go of that power and control, so you make a big issue out of it. If it's not moving at your pace and doesn't adhere to your rules of the relationship, you blame her.

Sounds like you're the one who is being selfish, rather than working with her to see that both of you are happy.

@ Texas -sounds like to me you were deeply hurt. we ask this question to find out what your intensions are. are you here for the time being or are you here on a fly by night?

it is not WHAT is in this other place it is will you still be there.

Solution is simple; break it off with her and you won't have to worry about who's at fault. Don't waste her time and she won't waste yours. Why make a big deal of it?

We've covered this already. Me wanting more time before taking a relationship to the next level is no different than her wanting more time before jumping into bed. If he pushers her, he's wrong. Therefore, later when she pushes him, she's just as wrong.

Leaving is of course an option for either person at any time. But, if he leaves because she's not having sex soon enough for him then "he's only after one thing."

If she leaves because he's not ready for the next step soon enough for her "he has commitment phobia."

Everything is his fault.

You're still trying to make me take responsibility for her wellbeing. She's a grown up and in charge of her own life. If she wants to keep having sex with me, hoping her magic vagina will change my mind about marriage, this is her choice.



Is my word not good enough? If I tell her I'm with her and love her why does she want more? Living together or getting married offer her no more security in the relationship than what we already have.

Perhaps these women aren't mature enough to accept what you are saying. As for fault; why would you care if she blames you or not? Again; it sounds like that a woman is pretty immature if she blames you for the relationship ending if she doesn't get what she wants. Sounds like a child throwing a tantrum if you ask me. Again; no one on this site can answer your question as to what the woman you are dating wants. Everyone is different; everyone wants something different. Me, I would appreciate your honesty and just walk away from the relationship with no hard feelings as I have no wish to change you anymore than I would want you to change me.

It's not as if we're talking about 13 year olds here. She's an adult and capable of making up her own mind. If she wants to leave, it just shows me she isn't the right girl for me. So, as you say, no hard feelings.

But, if she stays, she knows what she in for and the responsibility is her own.

If he's ending a relationship because he wants sex now and she wants to wait, then they're not right for each other. If she leaves because he's not ready to commit and she is, they're not right for each other. You're both clearly looking for different things. Find someone who is a better match for what you want.

Obviously.

But, we're now talking about someone that chooses to stay. If they choose to stay and still don't get what they want as soon as they think they should have it they have no one to blame but themselves.

You're also choosing to stay with someone who isn't right for you based on your own preferences. You're both to blame, as you also just want what you want.

It would be hard for me to stay in a relationship with someone who wanted "more" than I had to "give" at the time...Things would start to seem "off-kilter" and I'm sure there would be "underground tension" and resentment. (On both sides of the equation.)...It just wouldn't be a peaceful and "smooth sailing" kind of relationship after awhile.. And this would bother me. I prefer "win-win" type of relationships where everyone gets their "needs met." And both people are on the "same page" when it comes to their desires and preferences etc.