This is starting to remind me of another situation. Men pushing for sex too soon. If a man pushed you for sex before you felt ready, how do you feel about it? You're not ready, so you feel unduly put upon. Right? Women want this to proceed at THEIR pace. If it doesn't precede fast enough for him, is the relationship stagnating?

Well, it's the same when a woman pushes the relationship. It's not stagnating. It's just not moving at the pace she wants it to. And her pushing for more is just as selfish and greedy as a man pushing for sex too soon. If he's not ready, she'll push him away and I hardly think she wants to push him away if she's truly in love and wanting to marry or move in with him.

It just doesn't make sense to me. The Ultimatum is; marry me or I'm leaving you. Why would she leave a man she loves and wants to marry? Or why would she insist on marrying a man she'd leave because things aren't moving at her pace?

If she truly loves him, she must allow him the time he feels he needs just as he must allow time for her in other matters.

Seems fair, doesn't it?

I dont quite consider an inquiry into intentions the same as being 'forced' into something

communication is important, and people would waste a lot less of their lives and be hurt much less often if they communicated more openly about their needs , expectations, and abilities

we are adults,, I have had adult males whose priority was sex and thats fine for them with someone else who feels the same, but that is not my priority,, so we avoided precious time discussing and becoming aware sooner than later


neither adult should feel like communication is a way to 'force' something, if its honest its only a way to inform and therefore make informed choices,,,

Not exactly. A person deserves what they want to have in a relationship. If the person can't give it to you then it is time to leave them and go get what you need.

And if a person truly loves you they will let you go to get what you need when you need it.

We're not talking about rape. But, if you want to use the word "force," it's fine by me. Because forcing him is exactly what she's trying to do.

I agree that communication is important. She says she wants more and he says he's not ready. That's clear communication. But, if he doesn't feel ready and she's trying to "force" him into something he doesn't feel ready for, it no more fair than him trying to "force" her into sex before she's ready.

well said

loving someone from a distance can be much less harmful than loving someone up close who doesnt love you back

love is not really 'all you need', it just sounds pretty

I would say if you truly love her and she wants more than you are willing to give, let her go so she can find the love that she needs in her life.

You know what you are willing to give so don't play with her and try to extend the time you get to have her.

In the "casual" relationship realm from my observations and experience they run their course. If they do not grow into more they die. So when I go into a casual "you stay in your place and me in mine" type thing I know it is time limited. I know that I or he will move on to another relationship that will be more fulfilling. It is just how it is.

If she's trying to push him into something he doesn't feel ready for, then she doesn't love him. If she does, she'd be willing to give him the time he needs to feel comfortable.

If she's not willing to give him that time, she must have some motive other than love. Don't let the door hit you on the way out baby.

I agree, we shouldnt push upon people what they arent ready for, we also shouldnt insist people wait on some hope that we might eventually be ready some day,,,


love has nothing to do with sticking around where you arent happy,, love can exist from a distance,,,and love wants happiness for the other person even if it isnt with us,,,

The only reason I can think a woman would ask where is this relationship going is because she wants to ensure that she is not wasting her time with someone who dose not have the same goal as she dose.

But, if she is unhappy, why would she want the relationship to move on to the next level?

If she is happy, why is waiting a problem?

its called piece of mind

the average person could be faced with two shiny cars, they would be happy with either, but one comes with a longer guarantee than the other

which do you think they would choose?

the idea is not just are you happy now, but its the odds of REMAINING happy,,,






relationships arent constant , they have ups and downs

sometimes, we are down, and would like HOPE That there is an up coming

it saves time when we are down to know that there is not necessarily going to be an indefinite time spent there,,,


life is too short, people have too many options,,,they should choose their own schedule and they should be able to be with someone on the same schedule/page,,,,

But, moving in together or getting married doesn't offer any guarantee of happiness or peace of mind or, for that matter, longevity. Any relationship can blow up at any time.

Would you (or any woman) put up with a man pushing you for something you didn't feel ready to give? Would his pushing you make you feel more or less loved?

If she leaves there's no guarantee she'll meet someone she feels as deeply for. So, she's lost everything.

He may have valid reasons for wanting to wait. Perhaps he's very wealthy and wants to be sure she's not in it just for his money.

This is like a beautiful woman waiting. She wants to be sure he loves her for who she is and not just her looks.

The more I think about this the more foolish it seems. Is she really going to leave a man she loves and wants to move things along with simply because he wants to take things more slowly than she does?

This is a classic case of cutting one's nose off to spite their face.

If she's not happy now, why does she think moving in together or getting married will make her happy?

It's just nonsense.

I can with assurance say there is less beer, fewer football on TV and no more wanky fuddle moocheys.

The place to go to is bleak, dismal and frighteningly boring.

"Don't go in there!" Seven billion movie audience members of horror flicks can't all be wrong.

You are being logical. That attitude is the no. 1. Killer of the nations' romances.

Everything is fair in love and war, but war thrives on logic and ideology, and love withers under logic and ideology.

That's why priests are celibate -- the decision by the church to require that of priests was just formalizing an existing status quo. If you want to bring God into the bedroom, your first name had better be Mary or become celibate.

But women like men in uniforms, because GIs are not supposed to think, only follow orders, and generals are all logiced out after a battle or two.

From the sounds of the unravelling of the thread, you maybe would have been better to write,

"Since my divorce I've been involved in a number of women."

I have dyslexia. I therefore rely heavily on spell checkers. I admit I sometimes make a mistakes and choose the wrong word. I am far from perfect. But, I'm also far from stupid.

When someone points out my disability I know it's because they don't have a good argument on the topic being discussed. They're just trying to put me off balance and embarrass me.

Well, I'm no more embarrassed by my disability than Stephen Hawking is by his. It's simply beside the point and if someone cannot get past it, it has nothing to do with me.

I have the ability to communicate my thoughts and ideas to others in a way they understand and for thoughtful people, that's enough.

If I come across as condescending, it's because I'm right and I know it. I'm confident in my ideas because I've put a great deal of critical thought into them and I only post in topics I'm certain about. When I'm wrong, I admit it. Search my post history and you'll see this.

Women in my age range are put off by me BEFORE I've even spoken to them.

What I'm offering was enough to begin a relationship. Why wouldn't it be enough to continue one?

If she has the right to make me wait for sex, I have the right to make her wait in this area. She is of course free to seek her happiness else where and I wouldn't try to stop her. Her leaving shows me I was right to wait.

And no, it didn't help. But, thanks for giving it your best try.

I understand, but she does not necessarily have to insist on a goal, even for herself. Goals are to be scored, not attained.

Her goal could be changed to enjoy the status quo. Simple, elegant and light solution, not a heavy-handed, grandiose neediness.

The first part was ALMOST a good argument, MsHarmony... except you shot it down in the second part right away, yourself.

Guarantees can be fulfilled with shiny cars... guarantees are meaningless in relationships, even in marriages.

It's like praying to a superhuman power to guarantee for you that next time you will win the big payout in the lottery.

I thought this was about the woman asking where the relationship was going? Now it's about her telling you to marry her or she's leaving you? Those are quite different situations. If someone is asking where the relationship is going, I don't see that as trying to push anything on the other person. It's them finding out what the other person is thinking.

Giving an ultimatum to marry them or they're leaving is quite different. Though, if the woman really wants to find someone who is looking for marriage, it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later than her current boyfriend isn't interested in marriage. If they're not looking for the same thing, the relationship isn't going to work anyway.