;)

I tend to spend a lot of time on the periphery of social groups. I get on with people, I can have a laugh and make people laugh, but I'm rarely the one actually meeting up with people.

I've shared phone numbers and emails with people, I've attempted to arrange meet ups for certain interest groups only to be turned down or noone turn up, I've have colleagues go on about wanting to meet for coffee/drinks but never been able to set a day/date...

Even people I've known for years just seem to disappear, despite me attempting to maintain those links. I find that the friends I develop are often 'fair weather friends', or they moan about not meeting up only to cancel last minute when arrangements are made, fail to let you know what plans are until the last minute or turning up excessively late. Just expecting you to sit around waiting for them.

You could say that accepting this behaviour is why it continues but I actually don't, which is why my friendship group is getting smaller and smaller. I definitely prefer quality over quantity but the friends I have aren't all that present.

I know that I'm a good friend - I'm considerate, I'm supportive, I'm proactive and love going out there and doing things. The only difficulty is that I work full-time with shifts that aren't set days and I am studying for a degree. This may mean a bit of planning to get to meet up, but I know I'm not the only person in the world that has that problem.

I just wondered what other people's takes were on this. Do you have this problem with 'friends'? How do you go about making new friends that you connect with and respect you? Do you find your friendships run in cycles?

I can't help feeling envious of those people that have had friends for most of their lives - and they're still incredibly close!

SCREW Madonna!! I want me a set of them!

I'm glad I'm not the only one to know this!

@yellowrose: thank you for your quick response. Is it possible to suggest it to the Powers That Be as something to consider if they're bored and fancy adding useful new features?

Bob on! Especially when we're silly and only take those little handbags... I also find it's a great place to store emergency cash in case someone steals my handbag.

I can't comment on your situation specifically as I don't believe I've ever received a message from you outside of the forums. I do, however, feel I'm 'qualified' to answer the question given my profile has similarities to the kind you are referring to.

Messages I reply back to are usually ones that seem to be personalised: they make reference to something on my profile or pictures, something they've seen in a post I've made, or a general question that feels personal to me rather than one they've asked everyone else providing it's not something that makes me feel uncomfortable, or expresses expectations of me being able to give more than I'm willing to.

I will maintain this form of communication if I feel comfortable to do - if there isn't anything lewd or derogatory in their messages (there are rare exceptions to this, but that just complicates the issue), and they continue to be a pleasant person to talk to.

My reasons for not messaging people back are often things like bog standard, copy and paste messages. "Hi, how are you?" is a good example. I make it perfectly clear in my profile that I like conversation. "How are you?" doesn't feel very inspired and, when you get about 10+ messages like that daily, it can get pretty annoying. Particularly because 'conversations' that start like that rarely go on to be anything interesting and I dislike the idea of giving people false hope or wasting anyone's time.

Believe me, I've attempted conversation with the "hi, how are you?" crowd on many occasions, only to find that they fail to understand how forced the conversation feels and that there's nothing interesting being exchanged. That they're learning nothing about the other person other than whether or not they can construct a sentence adequately enough to be understood.

These same people soon follow with an expectation of meeting up or exchanging personal information. I'm sure it's innocent enough and they really do just want to feel they've won a friend, but I don't feel it'll benefit them or me if I agree to keep in touch when there's no real connection there.

I've even had people like that begin to form an attachment to me, believing there's the potential for love, despite our interactions not supporting this (or there being a big distance between us, or they're married, or old enough to be my parent/grandparent)... Hence why I avoid this particular crowd.

I hope this has answered your question.

Thank you, Missy :D

When 'friends' complain they don't get chance to see you, so you make arrangements including offering to treat them to dinner, only to have them cancel on you last minute with some lame *** excuse (who gets sick from Krispy Creme donuts, I ask you??).

These are beautiful, Crystal! The first paintings make me think of The Shire and elves (Lord of the Rings, and all that). But they really are breathtaking!

(I do like Sandra Bullock - especially in Practical Magic! I wonder what Gravity is like...)

Fiona.

I was actually reading through a rough piece I wrote months ago. I tend to write as a form of catharsis so I don't tend to worry about conforming to conventions on form or rhyme.

Hope you like it!

CHANGE

Slip and die or stand and watch
Living life by the clock
Counting seconds like jelly beans
Shut tight in your jar, or so it would seem

You'��re waging war on every heart
But yearning for more than throwing the dart
Squinting one eye, you aim for the centre
It goes off course, for a short time you want her

If only time would stop
Or the world reverse on its axis
I�'d go back to the beginning
I'��d stop you from asking
Changing my mind
I'd change for the better.

A silent witness to all that you stand for
I reach for the lever, preventing you further
Blocking actions becoming consequences
Stopping hearts turning to ashes

If only time would stop
Or the world reverse on its axis
I'��d go back to the beginning
I'd stop you from asking
Changing my mind
I'��d change for the better.

Opening one eye I glimpse the morning sun
Enlightening my dream state where you're not The One
Breathing so deep I choke on the covers
I laugh at the silliness when I remember there were others

If only time would stop
Or the world reverse on its axis
I'��d go back to the beginning
I'��d stop you from asking
Changing my mind
I'��d change for the better.

In my thoughts, I see you
Changing your mind
In my heart, I feel you
Losing this time

(You really should!)

Joanne.

Jessica (I freakin' loved Jessica Fletcher!)

I just meant that some sites have the feature in personal settings to state your time zone. You can then view in a time that's familiar to you, rather than having to work out how many hours you are ahead/behind, and which posts were made after the last time you were on. :P

Angela.

Assume we got pissed and just found it easier to share a bed than one of us go home/sleep on the sofa. Girly sleepover!

Is there a feature for me to change the time settings so that I can see posts in my local time?

It depends on the distance. My ex worked away around London a lot (I live around Manchester), and that never caused a problem for me... I can't see different countries working too well though unless you can afford to fly that distance regularly.

Hey, Greg. Just had a quick look at your profile. It's pretty basic but at least what's on there tells people a little about yourself.

The phrase I wasn't sure about was "I never had alot of Girlfriends throughout my life as alot of folks seem to think that about me." You may want to reword this, or leave it out entirely, as I'm not sure if you're saying other people think you've had lots of girlfriends... That then leads me to wonder why people would assume that - what about your character gives that impression. Which doesn't leave a favourable impression.

You have a nice collection of pictures.

Other points to improve on:

*Currently you have that the profession is 'N/A' - maybe explain that, or at least put the kind of work you normally do, or if you're taking a break for an interesting reason.

*Tell a little more about what a "simple life" means to you - what are your interests, what do you like to do/where do you like to go?

*Also, you say "I'm not shallow or selfish..
I try not to be .." - this sounds contradictory.

I hope this helps. Best of luck on Mingle!

Kessel, you're definitely right here! Many people want to know where simply so they can tell someone else where they'll be. Personally, I wouldn't want to meet with someone I barely know if they're not willing to give me that information.