Why do so many women on dating sites make so much of how they are supposedly extremely friendly and easy going on their profiles but they don't reply to you when you take the trouble to send them a polite and friendly message?

I mean, they do it even when they say that they are looking for friendship, so I really don't get it unless what they write on their profiles is actually a load of BS.

Your expectation of women is mistaken! Some gals get a thousand hits a day as i have a previous gal friend and saw this myself. If women were to do as you would like she would never leave a computer. You might consider lowering your expectations and assume when a gal does not respond she is kindly saying to you "No thank you" It is fair to simply not respond and be responsible and accept this as a fair protocol....

I can't comment on your situation specifically as I don't believe I've ever received a message from you outside of the forums. I do, however, feel I'm 'qualified' to answer the question given my profile has similarities to the kind you are referring to.

Messages I reply back to are usually ones that seem to be personalised: they make reference to something on my profile or pictures, something they've seen in a post I've made, or a general question that feels personal to me rather than one they've asked everyone else providing it's not something that makes me feel uncomfortable, or expresses expectations of me being able to give more than I'm willing to.

I will maintain this form of communication if I feel comfortable to do - if there isn't anything lewd or derogatory in their messages (there are rare exceptions to this, but that just complicates the issue), and they continue to be a pleasant person to talk to.

My reasons for not messaging people back are often things like bog standard, copy and paste messages. "Hi, how are you?" is a good example. I make it perfectly clear in my profile that I like conversation. "How are you?" doesn't feel very inspired and, when you get about 10+ messages like that daily, it can get pretty annoying. Particularly because 'conversations' that start like that rarely go on to be anything interesting and I dislike the idea of giving people false hope or wasting anyone's time.

Believe me, I've attempted conversation with the "hi, how are you?" crowd on many occasions, only to find that they fail to understand how forced the conversation feels and that there's nothing interesting being exchanged. That they're learning nothing about the other person other than whether or not they can construct a sentence adequately enough to be understood.

These same people soon follow with an expectation of meeting up or exchanging personal information. I'm sure it's innocent enough and they really do just want to feel they've won a friend, but I don't feel it'll benefit them or me if I agree to keep in touch when there's no real connection there.

I've even had people like that begin to form an attachment to me, believing there's the potential for love, despite our interactions not supporting this (or there being a big distance between us, or they're married, or old enough to be my parent/grandparent)... Hence why I avoid this particular crowd.

I hope this has answered your question.

They're just not that into you.

I do not claim to be nicey nicey in mine...I copied and pasted this from my profile..



"Im just a regular girl....feel free to ask anything, although you might not like the answer you get, if you get one at all o.O"
"I was informed yesterday,I should let everyone know I am a B I T C H ."



I have more things written, but this is all that pertains to this thread.

Some woman maybe to busy or just not interested.

WISDOM

no answer, is an answer

patience counts too,, some people take time to respond,,

Exactly.

It's not just women who do that.

That being said, not everyone is going to get along and you're not always going to get a response.

there is no obligation to respond. I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said on here so far. lost in reverie's comments particularly

;)

Yeah, heard the "no answer is an answer" and they get loads of hits and spammy one liner messages jazz before and was expecting to hear that from you lot.

Still doesn't really explain why so many women on here that claim to be extremely friendly and easy going aren't. Take this one that I messaged today for example. She's local and says that she's new in town and looking to make some new friends. Well, I happen to know that there aren't that many local people on here and the message that I sent her was friendly and I welcomed her to Edinburgh and told her a little bit about myself and personalised the message by responding to things that she had said on her profile. First thing that I said actually was that as she said that she was friendly I hoped that was true and that she would reply to my message.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining that women on here never reply to me because some do but those ones that say that they are really friendly and practically beg guys to message them never seem to. I just think that it's BS and that there are so many liars and dishonest people on here. Even ones that I've dated that said that they were looking for honest guys were liars and turned out to have false information on their profiles.

Seems to me that if these people aren't just players they would be better off being honest themselves and they might have more luck finding compatible matches and might not complain so much about the "spam" that they get.

This would have been a red flag for me, for some reason:vvvv

I quote:
"First thing I said was you said you are friendly, I hoped that was true and that she would reply to my message."

Being friendly and easygoing doesn't mean she has to respond to every single guy. Nor does it mean she's going to be friends with everyone.

It's not just on here, there's lots of people like that in the world. In some cases, I think people are just testing the water to see what kind of reaction they will get and they freak a little if they find themselves in the position where they may be looking at a meet up sooner than expected (or someone that may recognise them in the street).

I can't answer for the people you've approached as I don't know their motives. All I can do is point you towards a clich�: some people just aren't worth YOUR time. You did the right thing - you put yourself out there. The rest is up to them. If they don't do anything about it, they only have themselves to blame if they have noone to talk to.

Best of luck with your future approaches.

@2KidsMom: Sounds a little desperate/manipulative?

she's not interested.

you may have accidentally offended her. It's hard to know how our comments are peceived to total strangers. I block almost all men who state that they expect a reply....they are probably bossy and controlling people.

she may have already garnered a few dates.

she is probably friendly to a man she is interested in. dynamics between men and a women are unique in that we are more careful about how friendly we are to a man we don;t know well. we don;t want to lead on someone we're not interested in is just one of them. also for safety.

her not replying to you does not mean that she is not generally a friendly person. it means she's not interested.

yes.

If memory serves me right, this is not the first time you have complained about a lack of response from first time contacts...Even if I'm wrong, I still want to know how many first contact emails you send out daily or weekly, what you say, and what you are trying to accomplish?...It is up to the person making initial contact to make their approach interesting or unique enough to produce a reply...These gals aren't sitting at their computers with fingers crossed hoping and praying you will contact them ...This is just a thought Tawt, maybe the problem lies with you....

I would have red flagged that also, along with the "expectation" of a reply....trust & control at issue

as I said earlier, it's hard to know how our comments are going to be interpreted by a complete stranger...particularly on a dating site

@tawt, only other thing that comes to mind is, looking thru this thread, you have some very genuine women on here all telling you basically similar things. we have nothing to lose or gain by this. we are trying to help. you can take what we say and use it to your advantage in the future or not. that is up to you.

but I think you are wasting your time if your motive is to simply start a thread to argue with us. I doubt you will change anyone's mind here. good luck, make good choices :)

I agree with this! I love having male friends - I get on with them far better than women, in many cases. The problem is that male friends usually started out thinking it's moving into more than friendship until I'm forced to set them straight. In some cases, that's when those friendships fail - when they realise (even though I made it clear early on it's just friendship) it's definitely taken off the table, they lose interest.

So it certainly can be hard striking that balance - wanting to develop friendships without leading someone on. Particularly, as sweetestgirl says, if she's hoping to build on new friendships with the hope they become a relationship. Would help if a person states that though.

I agree. sometimes people aren't really sure what they want. so dating or friendship is a good start. but it doesn;t mean it will lead to more....however, if she is looking for more why should she waste time dating men she does not think will be a good fit? (this is an honest question, not a rhetorical one)????