I think questions like this are kinda pointless, but: Yes. (Even though he's been gone for a long time, it still irks me when people try to invade his privacy.) yours in Chaos, Scarlett

This is an excellent point and very well said.

The thing that makes love really grand is that it tends to hit you blindside, and when you are least expecting it. Good luck. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

*smiling in a sly and somewhat cruel manner, shows Tim the ropes*

Hello there! :)

If I wanted dates, this is not the place I would look for em. (No offense to the site, it's a great site.) I can find dates in real life when and if I want em.

You are assuming that everyone who belongs to this site is here to find dates, or because they've lost at love, or because they are lonely. That is not always the case. I join social sites because I find the atmosphere and ambiance, and the discussion forums, entertaining. I put that I'm looking for friends in my profile because THAT'S WHAT I'M INTERESTED IN. (lol)

I know I'm not alone in that. Many of the members here are here for the friends that they have made on the site, and not looking to hook up with anybody.

As for the "advice" part of your question: If I think that some experience or knowledge I have may help a person who is expressing a problem, then I try to help em. If nothing else, it's still entertaining to read about all the different situations people get themselves into.

And speaking of entertainment: I always get a laugh out of guys who think they are being SO EFFING ORIGINAL by asking this question. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

Lol, it says "divorced" now. Your pictures are good but in my opinion you're making too much of a point about trying to find that certain someone, and there's too much... I guess I would call it fantasy material. You're already with the person, and you haven't even found her yet.

If you consider yourself a good listener, then something like, "I know lots of funny stories and I've had a lot of cool experiences, but I'm also a great listener. Once you get to know me, you'll consider me indispensible because I'm such a loyal and supportive friend."

If it was me, I would make a bigger point of the "friend" thing than the "romance" thing.

Your remarks about "baggage" were pretty good. I wouldn't change that.

Anyway, I hope this helps some. Good luck! yours in Chaos, Scarlett

If there wasn't a lot of stress in the relationship you would never have posed this question to a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Regardless of how well your kid and this guy get along, the stress will eventually start to affect the kid. When my own parents would fight when I was little, and when there were things going on I didn't understand, it would mess with my head no matter how well I was being treated otherwise. You're fooling yourself if you think your current stress is not having an effect on your child.

It doesn't matter how bad or good his relationship with this other woman is. It's not her fault. It's not your fault. It's his fault--the whole thing. If he's trying to be responsible to his own flesh and blood, then he has no business starting a relationship with someone else--that would be you. That's only going to mess things up in the long run and he KNOWS that.

If you REALLY thought he was giving you "everything you need" and you REALLY think he's a great father figure for your kid, then you would not have a problem with him being with this other woman; you would accept it and not go looking for reinforcement that you're doing the right thing/wrong thing. You would not be having these epic battles. You would be content to be wife #2 and always show him--and your boy--a happy face regardless of your misgivings about the situation.

If this is not some sort of joke or troll post, and if you are telling the truth here, then in my opinion you need to leave this relationship for the sake of your kid.

What you ultimately do, of course, is up to you.

I will tell you what I would tell anyone who was a close friend, or a family member:

You should break up with him. If you have a little boy you don't want for him to see you going through something like this; it's going to have a permanent effect on him if it goes on much longer.

I'm not going to say "this guy is a jerk" or "he's treating you like a dog" or any of those stereotypical things; I know how stuff like this goes. I know how feelings can get mixed up.

But you have to think of your own kid first. Your kid needs a happy and secure life, and that's not what he's having now.

Tell this guy that you care about him, and then say goodbye. Don't get back with him no matter how bad it makes you feel, and no matter how much he begs.

I feel bad for you, but things will start going better once you are out of this relationship. Good luck! yours in Chaos, Scarlett

"Everything happens for a reason" is something people say when they are either baffled by circumstances that seem completely illogical and unfavorable, or trying to make themselves believe that they "did something" to "deserve" circumstances that are favorable.

I could get into a big dissertation about karma here, but I've learned by experience that this just antagonizes people, so I'll keep my remarks to a minimum:

When you perceive something as being "fate" or "happening for a reason" it is most often a reaction to something that is based in karma. It will usually be something fairly important, i.e., a death, an accident, or an overwhelming attraction or aversion to a particular person.

I've been a professional tarot reader for a very long time now and am used to hearing people say that something was "fate" or that it "happened for a reason". A person may be married multiple times and think they know what love and relationships are all about, and then, at some later stage in life when they're not even looking for it, meet someone who completely sweeps them off their feet, and experience such a profound change of life and outlook that they begin to feel that it was "fated"--this is how we can discern karma from regular circumstance.

And that's all I'm gonna say about that. Not trying to offend. I hope this helps answer your question. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

What she said.

I was recently at my accountant's office where they kindly allowed me to use their computer to download and print a tax form. I noticed with dismay that they have AOL as their ISP.

I started Internet Explorer, and waited.. and waited... and waited... then the browser crashed. I asked the accountant if the computer always did this, and she said "yes" in a sort of disgusted and weary tone.

So I started IE again, and waited... and waited... and waited....

You get the idea.

Spybot Search & Destroy is an excellent FREE program that removes spyware and adware from your computer. It now has a new feature that will check new apps on startup. I have Spybot set to scan my computer for spyware and malware once a day. I update it about once a week. It's awesome.

For antivirus I have Clamwin Antivirus, which is also a completely free open source antivirus program. It does NOT automatically scan things that you download, however, so if you visit a lot of questionable sites that may not be right for you. However, it works great for me. If I download something I usually will right click on the file and use Clamwin to scan it manually.

Spybot and Clamwin use up very little memory. My computer is about 6 years old and still runs like a new computer.

I used to use AVG but the free version misses a lot of things. I have also used Lavasoft's Adaware which is a really great program but in my opinion too expensive.

There are also AV scanners that you can use online, like Bitdefender, where you don't have to install any software; you just go to the site and use the app from your browser. It's often a good idea if you think your computer has a bug to get a "second opinion" with another scan.

Always keep in mind that when you do a first scan with any application it's going to take awhile, up to a few hours depending on what you're scanning.

Anyway, changing the ISP to something besides AOL would be the first thing I would do.

I hope this was helpful. yours in Chaos, Scarlett



That's a good suggestion, but it's pretty advanced. There are applications that will safely scan the registry and startup menu for invalid entries and changes; msconfig in the hands of someone with only limited tech knowledge can be dangerous. xoxoxo

There's nothing really WRONG with your profile information but there's nothing really attention grabbing about it, either. When the first sentence in a person's profile starts with "my friends tell me" that causes me to lose interest. (I realize I'm not the person you are trying to attract, but it's something I notice a lot with other people. Guys do it too.)

If you are really that outgoing you are probably a good conversationalist--if you have a bubbly personality you are likely never at a loss for words. Therefore I'm guessing that you may have somewhat of a flair for advertising, and there's nothing wrong with applying those advertising skills (making people feel comfortable, humor, keeping a conversation going) to getting nice guys to notice you.

The fact that you like sports and know more about sports than the average chick is sort of buried--if it was me, that would be like my first line. Instead of saying, "I'm this type of person" or "my friends say I'm--", start right in with the sports stuff: "I am so disgusted with my team (name of team) because of their poor record this season!" or "Does anybody else wonder if (name of player) REALLY has a hamstring injury?" or "What do you think about (coach) not starting (player)?" "I enjoy watching sports at home in the comfort of my den with a few friends or with the rowdy guys at the local pub, but I would much rather be at the game! There's nothing like watching your favorite team play a home game!" Stuff like that.

Those are good and honest pictures of yourself; try to get someone to get a pic of you living it up in a social setting to SHOW that you're a "social butterfly" and the life of the party instead of just TELLING them.

Anyway, I hope this information is useful to you. It's all just my opinion of course; feel free to disregard it if it doesn't strike you the right way. Good luck! yours in Chaos, Scarlett

Hello! :)

Just yesterday I got in trouble (again) for being bluntly honest and to the point. It had something to do with people who whine about how everyone treats them badly on the internet, and subsequently demonstrate in one sweeping, decisive maneuver the reason no one likes them (in this person's case unoriginal racist misogyny). (My post got deleted, so don't start looking for it.)

Again I say: The average person will always say that he or she values honesty, but ultimately he or she just wants to be buttered up. It's like a club or clique, right?

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I NEVER TELL LIES AND I HATE PEOPLE WHO DO!" is of course a statement that arises from fear. Saying, "I don't play games," is of course the first move of a complicated game.



I was not accusing you of dishonesty, if that's what you think I was saying. I was discussing the topic with you, and have no accusations to make. I didn't understand what you originally said. It sounded like you were directing your remarks to one particular person, and that you were angry at that person.

Also yesterday, ironically enough, I experienced the type of "honesty" that I talked about in my post above this one: I was walking to my local post office. I was wearing my favorite skirt and tee shirt combination which in my opinion--and that of my boyfriend--makes me look good. It's not overly tight or revealing; the skirt comes down to my shins. I was wearing my favorite choker. I was carrying my umbrella because it was a hot day.

I passed these two guys who were surveying something in the street. One of them said in a contemptuous tone: "That looks ridiculous!" When I glanced in their direction, I saw them looking at me. (He was "just being honest", right?)

When I passed them on my way back, they were out of their truck. I made a point of passing very close to them, and giving them a big smile and wave. The guy who hadn't said anything didn't look at me and in fact ran behind the truck, pretending that he was picking something up off the ground.

The guy who said that I appeared "ridiculous" was in his 20s and likely weighed close to 350 pounds. He was splitting out of his clothing. His facial features were nearly lost in the fat. He was sweating, smelled bad, and was sunburned. His calves were as big around as my waist.

So in this case, it appears that his "honesty" was more along the lines of a preemptive strike. He saw me, thought I looked hot, but realized that I wouldn't think the same about him. Therefore he denounced me in a demonstration of how he's no woman's plaything. "Don't think you can mess with me, lady!"

The last time a man called me a "dog" in a loud voice in public was in the grocery store. He didn't just call me a dog, he called me a "f!cking dog" and then ducked around the end of the aisle. Several people heard him and the place got really quiet. I followed him to see where he'd gone and was surprised to see him duck into the "employees only" door--so he worked there, or was a vendor, I guess. When I went to checkout, the checkout lady's hands were shaking really badly. I know most of the people who work at that store and try to stay on really friendly terms with them, so though I didn't refer to the incident directly or complain, I tried to reassure her (by being nice and upbeat) that I wasn't blaming her or the store for what happened.

And again: The man who did this was VERY overweight, had a bad case of "hat hair", and left a cheesy smell in his wake when he fled. (And for some reason I haven't seen him since.)

In both cases I got some amusement from thinking that these individuals are members of internet dating sites--and it's probable that they are.

It's also likely that each of them has something in his profile about "honesty".

Yep: He's honestly insecure, and honestly full of fear.

If you say you're looking for honesty, you will always find something else.

Honesty is like a flower growing up through concrete. It's something that just sort of happens, not something that someone cultivated on purpose or asked for, and it's always a pleasant surprise. xoxoxo

Actually kinda humorous. Good luck!

There's hardly any information about you in your profile. "Ex bad boy trying to be a good man" is like REALLY VAGUE, lol. I mean: "Ex bad boy"--that could cover anything from a parolee to a promiscuous guy who's finally started to feel guilty about breaking so many hearts, to a guy whose only antisocial act is to occasionally key cars when he's been drinking.

You have two pictures but they are both exactly the same. Either have one picture, or have multiple pictures that demonstrate some variety. I hope this was helpful. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

Damn, that totally sucks. I just saw it on the news and it made my heart stop for a second or two. :(

Nice to meet you! :)

It's a lot easier to meet people on line, and it's also a lot easier to blow someone off on line.

And yeah: It happens to men just as much or more than it does women.

Some guys just want to talk. They will act like they want to meet just to keep you talking to them, but if anything like a real meeting starts to seem likely, they will freak out and disappear.

Some guys just want to meet someone for sex but they know from experience if they say that right out, most women won't talk to them. If they talk to you for awhile and feed you full of compliments, but it seems like that's as far as it's going to go, they get frustrated and go look somewhere else. I mean, a lot of guys are too conceited (or broke) to just find a hooker for sex--it has to be a "nice" girl, right?

And the list goes on!

I have met several really good friends on line. I met my current boyfriend on line. However, none of the people I'm good friends with that I met on line were people I met on a dating site; it was always some other setting for people with mutual interests.

My boyfriend and I were both members of an internet discussion board that had to do with the occult. I liked the stuff that he posted and said so. He messaged me and we started talking. After several IM conversations it became obvious that we had a lot in common. He asked if he could call. We started talking on the phone several times a week. Then we started talking on the phone every day. We met in person and enjoyed each other's company enormously. Now we have been friends almost a year and a half--and it started out with mutual interests, not because we were looking for something in particular.

When I join a social site on the internet, I do not do so with the expectation that I'm going to find the love of my life; it's so I can be entertained. Discussion forums with lots of members are good cheap entertainment. Every so often I will meet a person who is interesting and wants to be friends, and that's like a plus, right? Since I wasn't expecting it, it's that much more fun when I realize that I have found a friend.

It's generally pretty easy for me to tell within a very short time if a guy just wants to kill time by talking to me, or if he's just looking for a casual shag. I will talk to guys like that, but I don't let them take up a lot of my time; I know just from what they're saying ("you're beautiful" "I think I'm falling in love with you" "I'm a good man looking for a good woman" etc) that it's not going to turn into anything.

I hope this was helpful. Don't get discouraged. If you are looking for your one true love, you have to realize it's going to take awhile. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

If I ever go on a date, I will certainly let you know. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

Nice to meet ya! :)