Ill sum this up quick. I have a bf for 11 months who broke up with his preg gf before he met me. They were not on speaking terms. Everything was really wierd. NOw the baby is here. She didnt know he had a gf until recently and we were hiding me bc he wanted to make sure he got custody of his son. So basically they are on friendly terms now but I still havent met the baby. I am in love with this man but this is something we cant stop arguing over. He doesnt want to jeapardize the relationship with his son but wants to be with me too. If he could he would rather not hang out with the mother but he says they are getting along and it is "nice" for a change. I am trying to be strong and take a backseat but who knows how long this will take. It is so painful to have to watch him leave to go hang out with his ex girlfriend and son. I want to be a part of that life but I have to wait an undetermined amount of time. Not to mention I have a two year old son that doesnt have a father and my boyfriend has become sort of that figure in his life. I dont want to lose him but I dont know how to deal and be accepting of the situation. Its like a soap opera! Recently we had a huge fight, like we have never had before. We just both have been so stressed that we lost it and now we are trying to decide what to do with the relationship. We want to be together but we dont want to hurt eachother either. When we are together we are so happy. What should I do? Suck it up for him?

Your boyfriend left a pregnant girlfriend- theres your problem!

Divorced parents deal with this all the time. Sick of the former spouse, but love the children.

That's when the evil games begin.

Good luck.

I will tell you what I would tell anyone who was a close friend, or a family member:

You should break up with him. If you have a little boy you don't want for him to see you going through something like this; it's going to have a permanent effect on him if it goes on much longer.

I'm not going to say "this guy is a jerk" or "he's treating you like a dog" or any of those stereotypical things; I know how stuff like this goes. I know how feelings can get mixed up.

But you have to think of your own kid first. Your kid needs a happy and secure life, and that's not what he's having now.

Tell this guy that you care about him, and then say goodbye. Don't get back with him no matter how bad it makes you feel, and no matter how much he begs.

I feel bad for you, but things will start going better once you are out of this relationship. Good luck! yours in Chaos, Scarlett

You are wise.

She broke up with him. Also she threatened abortion on him twice and he begged her not to and that he would raise the baby on his own if she didnt want it. Turns out I think she was emotional and screwing with him. My son is secure and happy. Actually my son is happier with him around. They play and he is a very paternal man. He provides anything we need. Basically if it was bad for my son then I would not be in it. I keep my sons feelings protected by not arguing about anything in front of him, etc. He is a happy secure little boy.

If there wasn't a lot of stress in the relationship you would never have posed this question to a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Regardless of how well your kid and this guy get along, the stress will eventually start to affect the kid. When my own parents would fight when I was little, and when there were things going on I didn't understand, it would mess with my head no matter how well I was being treated otherwise. You're fooling yourself if you think your current stress is not having an effect on your child.

It doesn't matter how bad or good his relationship with this other woman is. It's not her fault. It's not your fault. It's his fault--the whole thing. If he's trying to be responsible to his own flesh and blood, then he has no business starting a relationship with someone else--that would be you. That's only going to mess things up in the long run and he KNOWS that.

If you REALLY thought he was giving you "everything you need" and you REALLY think he's a great father figure for your kid, then you would not have a problem with him being with this other woman; you would accept it and not go looking for reinforcement that you're doing the right thing/wrong thing. You would not be having these epic battles. You would be content to be wife #2 and always show him--and your boy--a happy face regardless of your misgivings about the situation.

If this is not some sort of joke or troll post, and if you are telling the truth here, then in my opinion you need to leave this relationship for the sake of your kid.

What you ultimately do, of course, is up to you.

I'm not sure why he would feel the need to keep you "hidden". My ex husband left me for another woman but that has no effect on his visitation rights. Unless you have a felony or been convicted of child molestation your presence has no effect on his ability or inability for custody or visitation. The fact that he doesn't want her to know about you is disturbing. Secrets and lies always have a way of biting you in the butt. He needs to be a man, get a spine, and figure out what is important to him. If he can't do that then run!!


Ill sum this up quick. I have a bf for 11 months who broke up with his preg gf before he met me. They were not on speaking terms. Everything was really wierd. NOw the baby is here. She didnt know he had a gf until recently and we were hiding me bc he wanted to make sure he got custody of his son. So basically they are on friendly terms now but I still havent met the baby. I am in love with this man but this is something we cant stop arguing over. He doesnt want to jeapardize the relationship with his son but wants to be with me too. If he could he would rather not hang out with the mother but he says they are getting along and it is "nice" for a change. I am trying to be strong and take a backseat but who knows how long this will take. It is so painful to have to watch him leave to go hang out with his ex girlfriend and son. I want to be a part of that life but I have to wait an undetermined amount of time. Not to mention I have a two year old son that doesnt have a father and my boyfriend has become sort of that figure in his life. I dont want to lose him but I dont know how to deal and be accepting of the situation. Its like a soap opera! Recently we had a huge fight, like we have never had before. We just both have been so stressed that we lost it and now we are trying to decide what to do with the relationship. We want to be together but we dont want to hurt eachother either. When we are together we are so happy. What should I do? Suck it up for him?

You sound like a very smart young woman....my advice would be not to listen to anyone on this site, especially the women above who are suggesting you leave your boyfriend....Unbelievable!!!!....people will tell you anything because they think they know it all....

Believe in yourself, you can make good decisions....you don't need any of us to tell you what to do.....trust your emotions, pay attention to your inner voice(intuition) & your comfort level, they won't let you down....make your own decisions....

What would you like to do? What would you like to see happen? Are there things you can do to make it happen? How do you plan to deal with the situation you discussed?.....Okay?

Good luck & I hope it works out for you