There is actually a band - 3 doors down - which for some reason completely irritates me.

Some how that kind of porn is far far scarier than what I was first thinking KY...

Are you talking marriage type relationship or just long term dating? Because up to the marriage part money should be a back-burner issue.

Marriage is a legally binding contract and has less to do with love than it does with shared fiscal responsibilities and risks.

A lot of very pleasant relationships get ruined by ill conceived weddings, especially when one or the other is a bum and the more responsible party overlooks that fact.

Spilling guts always bad.

Being straight forward always good. If the person can't handle the straight forward you don't need 'em.

Always snuggle first - you have to prime the system. Rushing right in for a kiss will shock the poor girl into wondering if she is about to be assaulted.

Never use your tongue on the first kiss. Keep lips nice and puckered but not too tight, work from the cheek near the corner of the mouth in with a series of mini-kisses.

Some (read most) girls like their necks kissed, especially the skin right between the veins and their throat... very sensitive. A light tickle with tongue is usually okay. This is a TICKLE, not a slobber... we aren't trying to slurp up all the steak sauce (unless you are into that kind of kink ).

If she squirms, giggles, or gasps you are probably doing it right.

The second kiss should follow shortly after and warm things up a bit more, a little open mouth but no face sucking/alien implantation yet. (and I say don't bother kissing unless you are ready to commit for a few minutes - quick kisses are for moms and sisters)

If things are still comfortable and pleasant then the tongue can come out and play a little.

I like Daniel's thinking for the most part.

My major platform issue #1:

* Reduction of the Federal Footprint. The government's job is to provide unified standards to facilitate trade between states, to provide common infrastructures, to maintain a common standing army for national defense, and provide a body through which diplomacy between foreign nations can be conducted.

We do not need the government taking extra money out our pockets for national welfare programs that will be inefficiently administered and poorly conceived. Private charities to a far better job of contributing to the welfare of the less fortunate.

The government does not need to tax us further to support new departments and programs to bolster up poor foreign policy decisions, or to bail out failing industries that are chronically mismanaged. Industry leaders earn enough to be held responsible for whole-scale failures on their own. Without bailout money these industries would not have endured and we would not be panicked that our choice to invest in poorly managed business finally bit us back.

The job of the government is certainly NOT to save the rest of the world. It has proven itself incapable of saving even its own people when it interferes. Until it has proven that it can do a small job like maintain a strong national infrastructure and solid national defense, it does not need to be crusading around the world righting wrongs, fighting other people's fights, or telling them how they should live.

I heard him say something smart one time, and was very very bitter that I had too agree. Fortunately I've blocked it out now and can continue to think of him as a giant douche.

In response to your original inquiry. Something you are doing is making you come off as unavailable, or you are surrounded by infective males.

The job of a male is too pursue females. If you are not being pursued, then perhaps you are inadvertently giving off signals that you are not available.

At your age, your main purpose is to be sexually receptive. This will likely be contrary to your upbringing and social training. No matter what your mother, aunt, or older sisters might say... males in your peer group are peeking in their sexual drive. If you are not giving off an availability vibe for any reason, chances are they are going to move on.

If you ask the guy out you may come off as desperate. Ask him out, but do it in a manner that gives him the chance to think that it was his idea.

Men will not pass up the opportunity to chase tail... figure out how to give them that, without compromising your values and you will never loose.

Sex <> Love... or a marriage is not the same as a great sexual relationship.

You may very well love your husband. That is a fine relationship. The difficulty will be addressing his perception of the situation.

You state that you have prayed about the situation which implies that you are religious... so you may not like my suggestion, but please put any initial reactions aside and reason through my response.

We are not entirely devoid of instinctive urges. Whether a god or evolution gave us our present set of intellect and instinct we are not designed to be monogamous.

Our nature dictates that we pursue our own pleasure and well being. If there is a god that set this up, then who are we to deny our desires? If there is no god then what does it matter?

You do not find your husband attractive sexually... why? You need to understand your own standing irregardless of any moral code you wish to pursue. You love your husband so his feelings on the matter are obviously a factor. Ask him how he feels about you. If he is still head-over-heels for you then you have a problem.

You will need to figure out how to break the news to him without destroying the good thing you have. A true friend will stand by you. This may be a telling moment.

Figure out why you are not attracted to your husband. Try to find out how he would feel about a more open relationship. If he is threatened by this you will need to decide for yourself whether it is worth the risk of bringing this problem up or not.

If your lack of attraction to your husband is something that he might be able to remedy, then offer him suggestions... not subtle hints, but real achievable objectives that he can work towards.

Boredom with a relationship does not have to be terminal. Both parties need to understand the urges and needs of the other. If your love is true then sexual "infidelity" will not be a big deal as long as you are honest with each other.

In my personal experience there is no "forever" kind of attraction. Sex and love are two different things with certain degrees of intersection. I find it sad that couples break up over this. I still love many of my ex-girlfriends as people. Their sexual attractiveness too me is lessened. As a male I could still engage them in a sexual fashion, but would not perform as well as I would with a current crush. I do not know how females perceive this. I would guess it is similar but with more details and decision involved.

As a male I can say this: If you express that you are still emotionally involved and willing to provide physical pleasure as requested, then it is likely that I can forgive indiscretions of a purely physical nature. If I had a girlfriend that just wanted to F*#k another guy, then aside from the disease factor, I couldn't care less.

OTOH, if my girl was emotionally involved with someone else, then I would feel threatened and have a problem. If you have this issue then you need to be very careful: You need to be responsible and consider that this a burden of guilt that you alone have to bear. Ultimately it is your choice if you reveal this or act on it and keep it hidden.

Good luck to you.

I miss a place where I can get Froach in the bottle, and almost no place around here has McEwans Scotch Ale :( . . . I miss good beer. At least we have Bev-Mo.

Major depression usually has some sort of logical trigger if not purely chemical. I think I get where F&L is at - it is more of a borderline type case, but not severe enough to warrant what is usually used to treat it.

I would guess it's a maladaptive response. A mild mood stabilizer may help with comfort for the BP symptoms, but even those are probably within the clinical definition of "normal". Everyone has mood cycles so even manic-depression is an over-rated diagnosis.

What F&L might be experience is an acute lack of coping with his response too certain feelings, and so may be subconsciously shutting them down. This would mimic BP, but since he is saying that he doesn't experience an uncontrollable swing and is generally satisfied then it isn't much too worry about.

Frustration with a lack of ability to deal with feelings could be taken as depression, but this isn't necessarily the case. Most people take their feelings for granted. It is kind of expected that you intrinsically learn how to deal with them as an adolescent. If for whatever reason you do not, then you may have maladaptive behavior without any of the psychological traumas or chemical imbalances.

I can say the last thing I would ever want is for some psychiatrist to dope me into oblivion without taking the time to figure out if there really was an organic component to my issues (and have had offers for all kinds of great drugs within minutes of meeting a new physician who fancied themselves a mental health specialist on the side), followed up closely by a strong aversion too any councilor who wanted to delve into my deep secrets and hidden trauma from childhood (I don't have any thesis worthy material sorry; just a church-schooled average white boy...).

If therapy can get you there great! If you can find a councilor that won't assess you on the first 3 or 4 visits then you are on the right track. Otherwise you are perfectly capable of dealing with your own issues if you are willing to face your fears and are able to rationally break down your reactions and behavior.

So best of luck too anyone going through this kind of thing.

So are you a fan of something nice and thick and creamy, or lighter and full of flavor? I mean beer...

Am I assuming correctly that you are sometimes a high-fiver and sometimes a cuddler Msmyka?

Hmm... you would have to answer honestly for yourself and too yourself, but I know that I'm a habitual repressive, so I can't easily tell when I'm actively suppressing my feelings or just not having them at all. Either shock switched off your feelings, or you learned a subconscious method that gave you a coping tool for other problems.

I learned it as a coping skill, but only after getting extremely ill did it become something I couldn't really control.

If you have other issues that you don't have time or ability to deal with right now, don't sweat it, it's helping you. If you are in a good place right now and can start trying to re-learn how to feel, then focus on the small upticks and downturns in your mood, and try to lay off the pot a little. Your brain is dialed into an artificial equilibrium right now and you won't be able to accurately gauge your natural moods.

Depends on the sex...

If it's "making-love" sex, then hell yeah: Cuddling is a given.

If it's just straight sex then it's a maybe- sometimes you're too sweaty or out of breath after wards, sometimes you just want a breather and a chance to catch the last few minutes of the movie.

If it's just good hard F*#King then all you really want is a round of high-fives and another beer. (If I could find a girl that would respond positively to this sort of behavior then I would certainly also be inclined to cuddle with her whenever it was either of the above two sorts.)

Some people just have a very low emotional thermostat. Either they have spent so much time repressing that they simply can't access real feelings, or they don't have the feeling in the first place.

People with this issue resort to extreme behaviors to stimulate themselves and/or utilize substances to simulate feelings.

Clinically it can be difficult to distinguish because it mimics several disorders without filling all criteria for one. Having spoken to councilors and physicians for similar symptoms I've learned that physicians usually can't figure it out and simply want to try different medications that are either dangerous, or dubious in value; while councilors usually want to meddle in behavioral therapy and provoke feelings that aren't really there in the first place.

F&L do you ever get any kind of ups and downs at all? How long have you been smoking? Just trying to get a perspective on your situation.

Loyalty is over rated - honesty is a better policy.

The whole "one true love" thing is an over idealized fairytale anyway. We are not instinctively programmed to be faithful to one person all our lives. There is far more history to speak against this non-sense than too speak for it.

I live up to the expectations of my behavior in a relationship, and have been "cheated" on a number of times by the same standards I'm expected too maintain. I'm no longer incensed by such behavior and prefer simply to address the issue up front.

If either party feels the need to stray; it's better to hear about it and deal with it up front - that way no one feels betrayed after the fact when things can't be mended.

Sex and love are definitely not the same thing... they intersect in many places. I think the biggest issue for couples and relationships is that their sexual acts become a physical (and in some unfortunate cases the only) expression of love - so that "cheating" while often purely physical and self gratifying in intent becomes an emotional betrayal.

My advice is not to date someone who is petrified or overzealous about cheating. Jealousy will ruin a relationship faster than anything else, and it doesn't take a physical act to foster this ugly thing.

Looks like Sportsnut and Rainsky need some room...

Bored and lonely... yeah, we're all there sometimes. The trick is to make it look like you aren't.

No one wants to hang around with a bored lonely person because they are... boring and lonely. Socializing is a skill that takes practice like any other - some people have an intrinsic talent for it, the rest of us have to learn it the hard way.

As a male it's your job to pursue females (instinct trumps social conditioning here - equality of the sexes is not always equal) - so what is really happening here? Are you not pursuing, or is there a flaw in your approach or follow through?

Also - stereotype yourself. Do you fit a type? Chances are you do and that is who you will appeal to. If you are miss-categorized, then you need to get in touch with yourself and try to come closer to a social norm. If you can't find a stereotype you fit, well... don't ask me that's the problem I have.

I have to throw myself under the bus and say that half the time my own problem has been a failure to approach, so I don't get the opportunity to practice follow through.

Just because you embarrass yourself once doesn't mean your chance is shot, no one will remember you the next day anyway... unless you fail spectacularly, then be proud - it will be a good story, just use good judgment - restraining orders are not a good way to impress potential dates.

If you are the one asking for the break you are the quitter, if it is the other person, then you are with a quitter. The trait itself is neutral; how it affects you and the relationship with the other person is what matters.

We've all probably had at least one experience in either role. If you and the other have mutually incompatible issues then someone needs to make the break if neither can reach a compromise. It isn't bad to be the person to take that step if compromise is not on the table - constant fighting and bickering is never really worth it.

OTOH, if you are the quitter because you are hiding from other personal character flaws that you are not willing to face than boo on you!