I am not being presumptuous, although wondering why women will search a man's profile, but rearly if ever send the first introductory letter to a man?

Not every profile is interesting to a woman understood.

I can't speak for all women, but then again, neither can you.


I send [first] messages, when I'm interested.

Women expect a man to send a long imaginative letter, right after they use their large brain to say hi to us..

Same reason you don't all say hi first. Interest has to be there.

I sent the first inquiry, once.
Paid off big time :-)

I am guessing that fear plays a small part, more
I think tis the way things have always been.

You chase us and chase us.
Til we finally catch you :-)

Really?


Why do so many of you send "a long imaginative [flirty] letter" to us when we've not even noticed you?

I used the words "...not being presumptuous..." and Not being interested understood.

I guess it depends on our age, if we were brought up that you don't make the first move. Sometimes we just aren't used to being in the dating scene and honestly don't know what to do or how to approach someone.

Knowing men and women in the online dating scene I would say that there does seem to be a big differential when it comes to initiating a conversation... as in men typically do it more.

But... isn't this some kind of Oroboros type thing, like a snake eating its tail? If guys keep sending messages first then... it becomes expected, and the less pressure there is to try then the less incentive there is to succeed.

That really applies to anything. If I hadn't read Bukowski maybe I would have just stuck to whiskey.

If fear plays only a small part than your suggesting possibly traditional behaviour.

That is funny "You chase us and chase us. Til we finally catch you...)

When single, if interested, had no problem sending a letter. Even now, if I looked at someone's profile and it is interesting, I will send an email saying they have a great profile and wish them luck.

Because I am married, not single anymore but back in the day...

I saw that you included 'presumption and excluded 'disinterest' when drawing your conclusion that it IS because all/most/many women "are afraid to send a first letter".

As most of the women responding are indicating, "fear" has little to do with the equation, so it's an erroneous conclusion to draw for all/most/many women.

Very kind of you. But what do you mean "...When single..."?

Here is the OP:



Please notice that the author of the OP didn't say "many women" or "most women" or "all women". He simply said "women".

Granted, I consider the inquiry to be a bit clumsy if not weird.

I do write the first letter sometimes.....not only if I am interested, but also to say 'hi' 'welcome' and 'best of luck in your search'.

Or to compliment someone on their forum posts or to discuss about a point that they raised in the forums. Sometimes, I find the best friends this way.

In English-language writing, if there is no quantifying qualifier in front of a noun, the "all" is presumed and understood.

I was cutting the OP slack by allowing the missing quantifier TO be "many" or "most" instead of the understood "all".



In any event, not a single single woman has indicated "fear" is the reason.

I did not draw a conclusion, but asked a question, both in the thread title (less the question mark) and my first statement of the post.

Perhaps it's mostly about being the brave one to risk it.

Even if we add the missing question mark, your title indicates you HAVE drawn a conclusion. Simply change the order of your sentences/questions, and you will see your words - and your foregone conclusion - more clearly:




Again, only two women have even remotely alluded to "fear", though "uncomfortable" and "unfamiliar" are not necessarily synonyms of "fear".