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| Topic: Why does a relationship have to be going someplace? | |
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Edited by
Leigh2154
on
Thu 10/25/12 06:21 AM
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The relationship does't necessarily have to be going anywhere, as long as it is defined and both are accepting of it. Whatever it may be. So my question is, does that make it HIS fault, if she wants more after deciding this and he's either not ready or does not know what he wants? Is it HER responsibility to remove herself from something that doesn't align with her newfound goals, or anterior motives? This is a good question HnH...As long as it is defined from the beginning and as long as he is not leading her on, if he is unwilling or unable to accommodate her needs in her time frame, she should take full responsibility to either accept things as they are by staying and not complaining or she should exit....Thing is, there are all sorts of subtle ways to lead a person on, especially when they think they are in love....We've all seen it time and time again, women and men taking advantage of weaknesses, neediness, naivety, finances, you name it....And doing that is wrong no matter how you slice it... |
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The relationship does't necessarily have to be going anywhere, as long as it is defined and both are accepting of it. Whatever it may be. So my question is, does that make it HIS fault, if she wants more after deciding this and he's either not ready or does not know what he wants? Is it HER responsibility to remove herself from something that doesn't align with her newfound goals, or anterior motives? This is a good question HnH...As long as it is defined from the beginning and as long as he is not leading her on, if he is unwilling or unable to accommodate her needs in her time frame, she should take full responsibility to either accept things as they are by staying and not complaining or she should exit....Thing is, there are all sorts of subtle ways to lead a person on, especially when they think they are in love....We've all seen it time and time again, women and men taking advantage of weaknesses, neediness, naivety, finances, you name it....And doing that is wrong no matter how you slice it... I've been saying that for 11 pages. She is responsible for her own emotional wellbeing. |
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The relationship does't necessarily have to be going anywhere, as long as it is defined and both are accepting of it. Whatever it may be. So my question is, does that make it HIS fault, if she wants more after deciding this and he's either not ready or does not know what he wants? Is it HER responsibility to remove herself from something that doesn't align with her newfound goals, or anterior motives? This is a good question HnH...As long as it is defined from the beginning and as long as he is not leading her on, if he is unwilling or unable to accommodate her needs in her time frame, she should take full responsibility to either accept things as they are by staying and not complaining or she should exit....Thing is, there are all sorts of subtle ways to lead a person on, especially when they think they are in love....We've all seen it time and time again, women and men taking advantage of weaknesses, neediness, naivety, finances, you name it....And doing that is wrong no matter how you slice it... I've been saying that for 11 pages. She is responsible for her own emotional wellbeing. The concept you are selling is one of a suspicious, untrusting (by your own admission), emotionally unavailable older man being a chick magnet for a younger woman in spite of the fact that the only thing he has to offer is the pleasure of his company, an erect penis, and maybe dinner when it is convenient...I'm not buying it for obvious reasons, but if this is the pattern with every woman you "date" perhaps you are asking the wrong question....Maybe the question you should be asking is, "What type of woman would settle for a guy like me." |
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Edited by
HeadnHeart
on
Thu 10/25/12 11:12 AM
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The relationship does't necessarily have to be going anywhere, as long as it is defined and both are accepting of it. Whatever it may be. So my question is, does that make it HIS fault, if she wants more after deciding this and he's either not ready or does not know what he wants? Is it HER responsibility to remove herself from something that doesn't align with her newfound goals, or anterior motives? This is a good question HnH...As long as it is defined from the beginning and as long as he is not leading her on, if he is unwilling or unable to accommodate her needs in her time frame, she should take full responsibility to either accept things as they are by staying and not complaining or she should exit....Thing is, there are all sorts of subtle ways to lead a person on, especially when they think they are in love....We've all seen it time and time again, women and men taking advantage of weaknesses, neediness, naivety, finances, you name it....And doing that is wrong no matter how you slice it... I've been saying that for 11 pages. She is responsible for her own emotional wellbeing. Ok, so a few thoughts on this...(ideas taken from other threads) If Your the Man, and you accept a dominant role and her a submissive. if you actually have a relationship with her, which would mean to me that you care about her needs and wants within that relationship, not just yours. How do you ignore your differences, and "leave it up to her" to exit, being the submissive, young and unexperienced partner? If she is totally responsible for her own emotional state in this "relationship". It is just FWB, is it not? Had a few major conversations about this idea, with my friend Debbie. (only friends nothing else) She believes it would "leading them on" if whomever does not want more of a relationship at that time, for whatever reason. That this person should "Let the other go" stepping up and caring as much for their goal, just as much as your own". That it is cruel to keep them in "Hope" if you cannot make that commitment? |
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The relationship does't necessarily have to be going anywhere, as long as it is defined and both are accepting of it. Whatever it may be. So my question is, does that make it HIS fault, if she wants more after deciding this and he's either not ready or does not know what he wants? Is it HER responsibility to remove herself from something that doesn't align with her newfound goals, or anterior motives? This is a good question HnH...As long as it is defined from the beginning and as long as he is not leading her on, if he is unwilling or unable to accommodate her needs in her time frame, she should take full responsibility to either accept things as they are by staying and not complaining or she should exit....Thing is, there are all sorts of subtle ways to lead a person on, especially when they think they are in love....We've all seen it time and time again, women and men taking advantage of weaknesses, neediness, naivety, finances, you name it....And doing that is wrong no matter how you slice it... I've been saying that for 11 pages. She is responsible for her own emotional wellbeing. Ok, so a few thoughts on this...(ideas taken from other threads) If Your the Man, and you accept a dominant role and her a submissive. if you actually have a relationship with her, which would mean to me that you care about her needs and wants within that relationship, not just yours. How do you ignore your differences, and "leave it up to her" to exit, being the submissive, young and unexperienced partner? If she is totally responsible for her own emotional state in this "relationship". It is just FWB, is it not? Had a few major conversations about this idea, with my friend Debbie. (only friends nothing else) She believes it would "leading them on" if whomever does not want more of a relationship at that time, for whatever reason. That this person should "Let the other go" stepping up and caring as much for their goal, just as much as your own". That it is cruel to keep them in "Hope" if you cannot make that commitment? In Texas Scoundrel's defense; he did say he wasn't opposed to something more; its just at this time he is not ready for something more. |
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The relationship does't necessarily have to be going anywhere, as long as it is defined and both are accepting of it. Whatever it may be. So my question is, does that make it HIS fault, if she wants more after deciding this and he's either not ready or does not know what he wants? Is it HER responsibility to remove herself from something that doesn't align with her newfound goals, or anterior motives? This is a good question HnH...As long as it is defined from the beginning and as long as he is not leading her on, if he is unwilling or unable to accommodate her needs in her time frame, she should take full responsibility to either accept things as they are by staying and not complaining or she should exit....Thing is, there are all sorts of subtle ways to lead a person on, especially when they think they are in love....We've all seen it time and time again, women and men taking advantage of weaknesses, neediness, naivety, finances, you name it....And doing that is wrong no matter how you slice it... I've been saying that for 11 pages. She is responsible for her own emotional wellbeing. Ok, so a few thoughts on this...(ideas taken from other threads) If Your the Man, and you accept a dominant role and her a submissive. if you actually have a relationship with her, which would mean to me that you care about her needs and wants within that relationship, not just yours. How do you ignore your differences, and "leave it up to her" to exit, being the submissive, young and unexperienced partner? If she is totally responsible for her own emotional state in this "relationship". It is just FWB, is it not? Had a few major conversations about this idea, with my friend Debbie. (only friends nothing else) She believes it would "leading them on" if whomever does not want more of a relationship at that time, for whatever reason. That this person should "Let the other go" stepping up and caring as much for their goal, just as much as your own". That it is cruel to keep them in "Hope" if you cannot make that commitment? In Texas Scoundrel's defense; he did say he wasn't opposed to something more; its just at this time he is not ready for something more. I get that, and I have been on the fence with this myself in a situation, but it does leave that other person hanging on in "hope" for the time being. Is that fair? Idk. Im not his judge, and I wouldn't want to be judged on this type of decision myself. It is a fine line to walk, and It would really depend on the actual situation and really is between those two involved. Just adding what I've learned and another point of view...I do see both sides of the equation. |
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The relationship does't necessarily have to be going anywhere, as long as it is defined and both are accepting of it. Whatever it may be. So my question is, does that make it HIS fault, if she wants more after deciding this and he's either not ready or does not know what he wants? Is it HER responsibility to remove herself from something that doesn't align with her newfound goals, or anterior motives? This is a good question HnH...As long as it is defined from the beginning and as long as he is not leading her on, if he is unwilling or unable to accommodate her needs in her time frame, she should take full responsibility to either accept things as they are by staying and not complaining or she should exit....Thing is, there are all sorts of subtle ways to lead a person on, especially when they think they are in love....We've all seen it time and time again, women and men taking advantage of weaknesses, neediness, naivety, finances, you name it....And doing that is wrong no matter how you slice it... I've been saying that for 11 pages. She is responsible for her own emotional wellbeing. Ok, so a few thoughts on this...(ideas taken from other threads) If Your the Man, and you accept a dominant role and her a submissive. if you actually have a relationship with her, which would mean to me that you care about her needs and wants within that relationship, not just yours. How do you ignore your differences, and "leave it up to her" to exit, being the submissive, young and unexperienced partner? If she is totally responsible for her own emotional state in this "relationship". It is just FWB, is it not? Had a few major conversations about this idea, with my friend Debbie. (only friends nothing else) She believes it would "leading them on" if whomever does not want more of a relationship at that time, for whatever reason. That this person should "Let the other go" stepping up and caring as much for their goal, just as much as your own". That it is cruel to keep them in "Hope" if you cannot make that commitment? In Texas Scoundrel's defense; he did say he wasn't opposed to something more; its just at this time he is not ready for something more. I get that, and I have been on the fence with this myself in a situation, but it does leave that other person hanging on in "hope" for the time being. Is that fair? Idk. Im not his judge, and I wouldn't want to be judged on this type of decision myself. It is a fine line to walk, and It would really depend on the actual situation and really is between those two involved. Just adding what I've learned and another point of view...I do see both sides of the equation. I agree that it depends on the situation and it depends on the two people involved. I think if I was in his shoes; I would let the person go and not get their hopes up but that is just how I feel and like you I am not here to judge his decision. |
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The relationship does't necessarily have to be going anywhere, as long as it is defined and both are accepting of it. Whatever it may be. So my question is, does that make it HIS fault, if she wants more after deciding this and he's either not ready or does not know what he wants? Is it HER responsibility to remove herself from something that doesn't align with her newfound goals, or anterior motives? This is a good question HnH...As long as it is defined from the beginning and as long as he is not leading her on, if he is unwilling or unable to accommodate her needs in her time frame, she should take full responsibility to either accept things as they are by staying and not complaining or she should exit....Thing is, there are all sorts of subtle ways to lead a person on, especially when they think they are in love....We've all seen it time and time again, women and men taking advantage of weaknesses, neediness, naivety, finances, you name it....And doing that is wrong no matter how you slice it... I've been saying that for 11 pages. She is responsible for her own emotional wellbeing. Ok, so a few thoughts on this...(ideas taken from other threads) If Your the Man, and you accept a dominant role and her a submissive. if you actually have a relationship with her, which would mean to me that you care about her needs and wants within that relationship, not just yours. How do you ignore your differences, and "leave it up to her" to exit, being the submissive, young and unexperienced partner? If she is totally responsible for her own emotional state in this "relationship". It is just FWB, is it not? Had a few major conversations about this idea, with my friend Debbie. (only friends nothing else) She believes it would "leading them on" if whomever does not want more of a relationship at that time, for whatever reason. That this person should "Let the other go" stepping up and caring as much for their goal, just as much as your own". That it is cruel to keep them in "Hope" if you cannot make that commitment? In Texas Scoundrel's defense; he did say he wasn't opposed to something more; its just at this time he is not ready for something more. I get that, and I have been on the fence with this myself in a situation, but it does leave that other person hanging on in "hope" for the time being. Is that fair? Idk. Im not his judge, and I wouldn't want to be judged on this type of decision myself. It is a fine line to walk, and It would really depend on the actual situation and really is between those two involved. Just adding what I've learned and another point of view...I do see both sides of the equation. I agree that it depends on the situation and it depends on the two people involved. I think if I was in his shoes; I would let the person go and not get their hopes up but that is just how I feel and like you I am not here to judge his decision. Agreed 
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? I'll answer your question, and I'll base my answer on what I know about you which is very little since (notice I spell since with an I and a C) I only know you through your posts....So far, every post I read reeks of sarcasm, egocentricity, or condescendence...I am not saying any of this depicts your true personality, I am just saying, as an older woman, that is the way you come across to me ....If you come across that way in person I can understand two things...I understand why women in your age range are put off by you (it's simply because they are smart enough and experienced enough to know a dead end when they see one) and I can understand why those younger women, who don't catch your emotional shallowness immediately, would eventually ask the question, "Where is this going?" ....It is because they don't want to "settle" for what you are offering....Hope this helps... 
ohoh...................that makes cents |
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? I'll answer your question, and I'll base my answer on what I know about you which is very little since (notice I spell since with an I and a C) I only know you through your posts....So far, every post I read reeks of sarcasm, egocentricity, or condescendence...I am not saying any of this depicts your true personality, I am just saying, as an older woman, that is the way you come across to me ....If you come across that way in person I can understand two things...I understand why women in your age range are put off by you (it's simply because they are smart enough and experienced enough to know a dead end when they see one) and I can understand why those younger women, who don't catch your emotional shallowness immediately, would eventually ask the question, "Where is this going?" ....It is because they don't want to "settle" for what you are offering....Hope this helps...
ohoh...................that makes cents 
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A hot chick and a pig on a desert island still has to go somewhere.
After awhile, that pig starts to look pretty tasty! 
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The concept you are selling is one of a suspicious, untrusting (by your own admission), emotionally unavailable older man being a chick magnet for a younger woman in spite of the fact that the only thing he has to offer is the pleasure of his company, an erect penis, and maybe dinner when it is convenient...I'm not buying it for obvious reasons, but if this is the pattern with every woman you "date" perhaps you are asking the wrong question....Maybe the question you should be asking is, "What type of woman would settle for a guy like me." The only reason I date is to have sex. But, if something more develops, I'm willing to see where it leads. However, I'm not going to foolishly jump into something I may regret later. As I've said MANY, MANY times, if she loves me, she should be willing to give me the time I feel I need to be comfortable with moving the relationship to the next level. If she doesn't want to wait, she is free to leave and seek her fortune elsewhere. I won't try to stop her. I am always truthful with any woman I'm dating. But, I refuse to fall into the trap of feeling responsible for her emotions. I learned a long time ago that I cannot make someone else be happy. They must be happy for themselves. |
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The only reason I date is to have sex. hookers are drama free. |
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The only reason I date is to have sex. hookers are drama free. So are blow up dolls.
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The only reason I date is to have sex. hookers are drama free. So are blow up dolls.
x 2
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Funny.
But why else would anyone go to the trouble of dating? I could also just stay home and live drama free. Or in a truck for that matter. |
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oh i don't know.
this little thing called love? insane, right? |
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Edited by
HeadnHeart
on
Thu 10/25/12 03:42 PM
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oh i don't know. this little thing called love? insane, right? This thing called love I just can't handle it this thing called love I must get round to it I ain't ready Crazy little thing called love This (This Thing) called love (Called Love) It cries (Like a baby) In a cradle all night It swings (Woo Woo) It jives (Woo Woo) It shakes all over like a jelly fish, I kinda like it Crazy little thing called love There goes my baby She knows how to Rock n' roll She drives me crazy She gives me hot and cold fever Then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat I gotta be cool relax, get hip Get on my track's Take a back seat, hitch-hike And take a long ride on my motor bike Until I'm ready Crazy little thing called love... Thanks Queen, and b |
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The concept you are selling is one of a suspicious, untrusting (by your own admission), emotionally unavailable older man being a chick magnet for a younger woman in spite of the fact that the only thing he has to offer is the pleasure of his company, an erect penis, and maybe dinner when it is convenient...I'm not buying it for obvious reasons, but if this is the pattern with every woman you "date" perhaps you are asking the wrong question....Maybe the question you should be asking is, "What type of woman would settle for a guy like me." The only reason I date is to have sex. But, if something more develops, I'm willing to see where it leads. However, I'm not going to foolishly jump into something I may regret later. As I've said MANY, MANY times, if she loves me, she should be willing to give me the time I feel I need to be comfortable with moving the relationship to the next level. If she doesn't want to wait, she is free to leave and seek her fortune elsewhere. I won't try to stop her. I am always truthful with any woman I'm dating. But, I refuse to fall into the trap of feeling responsible for her emotions. I learned a long time ago that I cannot make someone else be happy. They must be happy for themselves. And she will leave. You are not offering her love. Hell I have yet to hear one thing that suggests you even like her. |
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And NO, (PAY ATTENTION HERE) Liking a woman for what they do for you (sex, housework, cooking) is not liking a woman or loving her at all.
Nor getting your beer on que either. |
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