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Topic:
What is feminism to you?
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To me feminism means anti misogyny, or should mean that. What does feminism mean to you personally? Would humanism be a better word for anti misogyny than feminism?
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Try to ask him what the real reason(s) was that he found was missing so that you can learn something about yourself that you couldn't see. Tell him that you want to know and are willing to listen even if it's trivial things. Then listen and take notes. Then reflect if any of those things could be true (he could possibly lie just because he feels guilty and angry at himself but projects this onto you for leaving a perfectly good woman for the wrong reasons). Lastly reflect if any of those things should not be dismissed and if not try to change them.
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In the US I mistook freedom of speech for tolerance. The 2 are very different things and one must know the local culture and speaking etiquette wherever one goes in the US. For example speech must adapt according to the local political and racial views of where you go in America. At bars the safest thing to bet on, is no political or religious talk, and this differs from Europe. Usually, it is best to go with a well mannered friend than to go alone. People who visit need to know that in the US anything is possible, good or bad. Oh, and be very careful of the authorities when visiting a police state.
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Topic:
love or sex
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Ok. Let's all get real here. I believe we will all agree that love is the ultimate goal. Having great sex mixed in with love will be totally awesome. I mean....who in their right mind wouldn't want THAT kind of combo. However, for each of us, love has a different definition. Think of it that way. There are certain kinds of foods that I like, and I like to have them a certain way. I love my steak cooked medium. Some may want it raw or well done. I don't want my burgers with everything on them while some will. When it comes to love, some people need tons of affection and therefore they will seek out a person who can reciprocate that. Some may want a more sexual partner in order to fall in love. Doesn't mean they are shallow. It just means that a person know what they want and are honest about it (which is a totally different thread topic, lol). Some people will want to find a person who can be a bit detached but in a weird way they "complete" them. Sex is....well....sex. Sex with love is awesome. However sex for just sex isn't bad and it still feels good. You still feel some sort of connection with a sexual partner (fwb if you will) because sexually you find that person attractive and they make you feel good. Doesn't mean you can or will love them. Just means you have awesome sex with that person. It may be a female thing but I get attached and it's hard for me to separate love from lust when I care about a person. You give a piece of your soul when you connect with someone intimately. That's why I really need to care about the man before I give myself to him. I can't have meaningless sex and enjoy it. I would feel empty and cheap. There's guys out there who would make you feel expensive lol. |
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My youthfulness, but that's fading. Another thing would be my good nature, but that's fading too. I would say what's attractive about me is my baby, everyone loves my daughter. She inherited my genes I guess, but she also knows my best side and she absorbs all my good energy, and then I protect her from the negative wherever it comes from. It could be the most attractive thing about me now is being her mother.
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Available for sex to be blunt.
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Being friendly and looking happy, in some countries this means the woman is available.
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Since this guy says he is her friend,
but not involved in the drama directly, he says she normally does not act like this, and the story makes no sense, so, it is safe to say he probably has no idea what's going on so no I can't judge her. |
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Oh...BUDDY --- BEWARE; there is a whole lot of B S between what is REALLY going on behind those closed doors and what that 'LADY' is telling you so you'll lend her a KIND EAR
Some people inherited drama from birth, others fall on hard times and drama/trouble finds them...I wouldn't be so quick to judge this woman especially since it's out of character and we don't know the facts. |
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The only people who can maybe understand what is going on with that drama are the people in it.
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I was not talking about how you would run your households under a patriarchal system. I was talking about changing the system. This is very different. It's good that people see it like a 2 way street, but under the current system it is overwhelmingly not a 2 way street and therefore we have higher rates of domestic violence against women and so on. If you can find yourself a decent man and you're lucky that is great, if not the system is not on your side so good luck to most women.
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Cleopatra was a woman who decided to show men that a woman could outplay them at their own game. It's not that women can't, it's that we don't want what men want. I want women to do what they want, not what men want. Men want women to become like Cleopatra or at least play the game on their terms like bring them beer during the football game (this is how mingle2 men describe good women).. and you still haven't learned yet... is there something wrong with getting your guy a beer? There is something wrong since used it's message is for women to serve you and your terms. Would you teach your daughter that all that matters is that she serves men? |
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Cleopatra is a fantasy for many men who secretly want a woman to dominate them and she is the envy of many women who look up to her as a role model.
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Cleopatra was a woman who decided to show men that a woman could outplay them at their own game. It's not that women can't, it's that we don't want what men want. I want women to do what they want, not what men want. Men want women to become like Cleopatra or at least play the game on their terms like bring them beer during the football game (this is how mingle2 men describe good women)..
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What I want is for women to decide what we want, not men.
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When a Dutch friend came to Kuala Lumpur for a work stint from Singapore where he had been working, he was traveling with a Canadian. He asked if his friend could spend a night or two at our place. I settled them into a room, told them where the bathroom were, asked them to make themselves comfortable and be ready for dinner. They took turns to take their shower..... the Canadian took his bath first, then my Dutch friend went in. He came out and apologized profusely...... the friend had immersed himself in the bathroom water reservoir, similar to the one in this pic and there were soap suds all over. I don't know how he got around to explaining to his friend....hehehe! [This is not an over-sized bath! It's basically a reservoir to be used by everyone in the household, so it's not for bathing in directly!] The only place I've ever seen those was in El Salvador. |
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Crystalfairy-
How do you come up with these lists of male and female qualities? |
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The last one is lacking in a lot of men.
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I won't name the country but when I'm there, people always ask me where I'm from, finally I learned the best thing to say is I'm from their country. They look puzzled and it's funny and I get to keep my pleasant mood.
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The US has never, ever had a woman for president.
Domestic violence is overwhelmingly violence toward women. Over sexualization of women in every aspect of western media. Housework is still done overwhelmingly by women. Single mothers are far more common than single fathers. Women live in poverty more than men. Women in most jobs are paid less than men. Women are promoted less than men. Women are too often the main financial providers of children and that number is growing. Women remain the sole or primary caregivers of children. |
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