I love you... i still love you. Three and a half months... it's been that long and at the same time it feels like it was just yesterday.

I am still missing you, i am still missing us. I miss calling you, "sexy gorgeous", "my handsome boyfriend", " my loves", and all the endearments i used to call you. At the same time, i miss your morning greetings, when you would call me, "hun", "sweetheart", or "darling". I miss losing myself just by loving you. I miss going to the heavens or just above the skies.

I miss telling you how much i love you. I miss writing long letters desribing to you what i am feeling for you... my dreams about us. I miss sending morning greetings, wishing you good night, asking you how your day was. I miss hearing your stories, hearing your voice, your laughter. I miss lauging from your stories, your mean jokes. I miss your sexy stories and getting with them. Above all, i miss hearing or seeing you say, "i love you!"

I miss being happy, being content, being in love... i miss the life we used to share... when we used to be one, when i was equally loved... when nothing is missing and all emptiness and voids are filled.

I miss crying not because i am hurting losing you, i miss crying because i am so much in love with you and i feel so much loved by you.

Every day, i am still missing you and i am still loving you beyond any words that can define love.

My heart is still wishing you are mine... i still cry for you every day... i still ache for you every moment.

You used to say, "We live in a different world..." and now i believe you because i feel we are now worlds apart...

I know I keep saying I love you more, so much more but it is very true. I can feel in my heart the exceeding feelings I have for you. I watched your video again where you were sitting on your couch and didn’t say any single word but smiled.

Let me describe to you what I am seeing every time I look at you, either in videos or pictures. I see this handsome man with a pointed nose. The eyes that could look straight within your soul and read through you. Your eyebrows that are not too thick nor too thin, your eyelashes are the same too. I always see a clean-shaven face every time, that most times, I always wanted to touch and brush a stroke of my fingers and trace through the shape of your chin and touching the perfect shaped lips that I have kissed thousands of times already in my fantasy and that I have always dreamed to taste them myself.

When you smile, you could light up a dark room, you have that bright aura that shines through you and each time I see you laugh, I see a boyish look on your face that I go crazy and fall in love so much more with you every time. When you laugh, I hear the most masculine yet the nicest laugh I have ever heard my whole life. Your teeth, one the most wonderful thing that attracted me to you, I love your teeth so much, I don’t know why.

When I look at your face, your shoulder, your neck, I always feel I wanted to bury my face in between your neck and your shoulder and sniff your natural scent. A crazy thing I have to tell you is that every time I would kiss your picture on my phone and I would sniff it as if I am sniffing your essence and for some weird reasons, a different scent is registering in my mind—not the smell of my lotion that stuck on my phone but a different scent I cannot describe and that scent I always associated with you, in my mind, that is how you smell, so good almost like an angel’s breath. Your pinkish skin which you said is called, “Pasty” which I read “Pastry” so yummy then again you are delicious in ways you and I know.

When I would look at your hands, I see a hardworking hands, always busy with so many things, a hand that is always ready to extend help to anyone whoever needs it. Hands that I always picture with firm handshake extending the feeling of sincerity. Hands that I always picture holding mine and never letting me go, same hands that would wipe my tears and the same time would take me to heaven and back for every time it would do wonders on me. I see your shoulders and your arms and I always wanted to feel how warm I would feel when I am enveloped in your loving arms? When things gets rough for me, when I don’t understand things, same arms would embrace me and comfort me. The shoulders that are broad enough to carry heavy burdens not just yours but others too. Same shoulders which I am imagining would always be there whenever I need someone to lean on or when I am telling you stories or just whenever I feel like I want to rest my head on them on any lazy day.

I see your long legs sturdy enough to walk for miles and take long journeys with me for wherever life will take us, the places we’ll visit—the mountains we’ll climb or the rivers we’ll cross—near or far; they would be strong enough for both of us to take us to places we’ve both never been.

When I look at you I see a very intelligent man who can carry conversations and discuss anything and everything under the sun and would not run out of anything to say or stories to tell. I see a very jolly person that is so giving and unselfish in more ways than one. There are times where I can see a serious person in you, so dedicated and concentrated and focused in what you are doing, sometimes I am imagining that you are frowning too whenever you are trying to grasp or understand something or thinking about work.

Your voice that could put me in a trance and let myself drown in it. Your playful voice, the cheerful tone, serious at times, and when you are singing, boy, I lose it each time. Your voice that sounds like a lullaby to my ears and that could put me to sleep and wake me up in a wonderful dream. Your voice that is so different in way I cannot describe—is it your accent, the way you talk, the sincerity in it? I don’t know but there is something there, really. When you are teasing me with your words, with your voice, that heavy breathing sound you make, Jesus, help me and God, please forgive me but I am in heaven!

I look at you and I see the man of my dreams, the man I love so much, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. The answer to all my prayers, the reasons for all my happiness, contentment, and my indescribable feelings. You are the man that made me realize how lucky and blessed I am and for that I am always and forever will be hopeful, thankful, and grateful.

You are the only man for every time you are telling me the words, “I love you” I get so emotional. The only man who made me feel all the feelings in the world all at the same time. This life is wonderful with you in it…this life is perfect with you in it. So again today, I thank God, fate, destiny, my lucky stars, the universe, and multi-verse for bringing to my life because I am so much better, because I have a great life because you are in it.

I love you so very much, just so much more today.

When you are deeply in love... Every word has meaning, every song, every quotes, just about everything... Simple words in general idea would not even associate with love but somehow, if you put deeper meaning to it, it would connect... Like the word, "pack"... I want to "pack" myself and ship myself right in front of your door so i can be with you all times... "packing tape" wrap myself with it and let you carefully unwrap me, slowly not to damage the "goods" inside... Anticipation, frustration, then love ♥

If someone you love asked, “Why do you love me?” and you were able to answer it – you were able to give reasons, meanings, and justify your feelings, that is not true love. That is called “liking”, “crush”, “infatuation”.

In my life, I thought I have fallen in love more than half a dozen of times but not until you came along… when you said you don’t know why I love you, why so much, why soon, and I could not even answer the question. I could only give you shallow reasons but in my heart, it is deeper than the shallow reasons I gave you. I could not justify it. I could not find the right word, phrase, or sentence, even paragraph. There is no picture, no image, no way of describing it – and then I know now, this is true love. “Love needs no reason…” so I heard…

I do not need any reason to love you, my heart just feels and knows I love you! It is the kind of love that would stay with me for a lifetime, how should I know when I am claiming this is the first time feeling this intense emotion – I just know, my heart told me so… with you, I do not feel lost anymore. I feel safe with you, it is like I am home…

Your heart belongs to me and so as mine. You said, “I am yours and you are mine…” we belong to each other – it is written in the stars. You told me many times, you want me to be happy, to be happy with you, and to be comfortable with you – no taboos, that I should tell you everything that comes to mind – thank you and I love you more for that. Every time, each time, you are making me feel I am so loved by you. You told me we will share great love too… melts me, always melts my heart.

You mentioned the words “married”, “wife”, and “husband” – these words my loves, it is tickling my heart and so much more my mind – it often wanders to that time and place when I am married to you, I am your wife, and you are my husband – the very idea of it seems so natural to my feeling, like it is meant to happen – I silently hope, wish, and pray that it would but then again, I do not want to assume so much – I am not alone here, we are two but you said, “You and I, we are one” – again, that melts me.

Would you, do you, are you really considering of marrying me? Would you be my second chance? Oh just the thought that I will be owning your heart, your love for eternity – that I have something to legally tell the whole world, you are mine, oh God, thank you for this lifetime, I am so much blessed!

The thought of when you are having a bad day, I am there for you to brighten up the day however and whichever way you prefer to change your mood. When you are happy and for every success, I am there to laugh with you, and tell you, “Great job, my loves, I love you!” For every competition that you will join, I will be there for you to support you and root for you and scream, “Go sexy gorgeous, you can do this, win this for us, I love you!” For every sadness and failures, I will still be there for you to cheer you up and make you smile again and say to you, “It is okay my sweet husband, tomorrow is another day, and it would be a better day… I love you!” and I will be there to kiss your worries away. When you are so mad for whatever reason, I will be there for you, you can hurt me, you can release your frustration and anger on me, I can take it because I know at the end of day, you will kiss my tears away and I will still tell you, “I love you so very much!”

One day, you told me, you want to wake up with me, I want that too. I want to spend all my nights sleeping right next to you and all my mornings waking up staring at your face, a soft reminder of how lucky I am because you are right beside me. I want to be the one who would always wake you up with a kiss on your lips and send you to sleep with kisses all over your face. The morning would always start with a kiss and “Good morning, I love you!” and ends the night with, “Good night, I love you very much!” and another kiss…

Then again my loves, no pressure – we can be like this, we can stay like this until the end and I would not mind, I would still be yours, all of me, no competition, no one else but you – that I promise you, that I can guarantee you, this busygal is yours… all of me; mind, heart, body, and soul through eternity… this much and so much more, I love you!

What is the sweetest thing one has ever told you? In my lifetime, I have heard quite a few of them. Some were empty words of promises others were a promise of a lifetime… I often say, I can better express myself through my words, through my writings. When, I am happy, sad, frustrated, random thoughts, my feelings for the one I love, and just about everything in between – I am either texting them to myself, composing an email about it, or just typing it on Word document – but the bottom line is, it will be shared for others to read.

I like posting my writings – I said, so for others to read and perhaps they could pick up a lesson or two from them… but I am at the same time obsessed with my writings, it’s like I have this feeling – well, it happened just few weeks ago, a friend copied it, sent it to her boyfriend, and claimed it her own. I felt bad because they are mine – they are my thoughts, they are my feelings, they are my emotions, they are my experiences, they are my words – words that came from my heart, processed through my mind, and typed or written by my hands – so it’s me, all of me – my mind, heart, body, and soul.

So copying them, sharing them without my consent is like giving me away – my feelings, my totality to a stranger. Those thoughts, those words, those feelings are meant for a specific person – they were written to capture my emotions and express my feelings through my simple words for him, so he can picture the feelings I was trying to convey but I could not find the rights words to say so I describe them in more ways than one if only I can justify the feelings.

I would write paragraphs after paragraphs of describing my feelings for him but no matter how long, or how often, they still not seem to be enough to capture it – to paint a picture of my feelings but only few words from him – it moves me, it touches me in ways I could not possibly describe. Each time, it melts my heart and I would always come down to the realization that loving him, falling in love with him, risking my heart again was never a bad decision – something I will never, ever regret… that of all the mistakes I have done in my whole life – this is the one right thing I have ever done as a favor or reward for myself…

He told me yesterday, “I cannot possibly complete with this level of articulating your love for me…but I will only say one thing. I love you equally and I will let my deeds show you where words fail me” just like that – just those words, I died and came back to life again… I had to put my hands just where my heart is, felt the sound of its beating – oh love, the overflowing love – I fell in love all over again… all over again…

How can I not fall in love with my perfect one? He is all and everything that I ever wanted in this lifetime and in all my lifetime… that dashing, amazing, venerous, intelligent, delicious, and handsome man – oh God, I am young again… falling in love for the first time in her life… this much and so much more, I love you my sexy gorgeous!

This was such a very wonderful day, far beyond the word and meaning of the word "wonderful" itself... Could there be any word more meaningful to use to justify the awesomeness that happened today?

The kind gentleman and the lonely woman exchanged conversations about her exposing herself out and maybe be bold and try and brave her self-reservations...

She thought the conversation, even the day would end up weird but few hours later, he sent a voice message. He sang her one of her favorite songs from Elvis Presley, "You Were Always on My Mind", she was overwhelmingly very happy, she could not contain her happiness.

Their conversations continued, went in different directions, happy, sad, serious, naughty... He told her he likes her... She felt her heart skipped a beat... She held her breath for a few seconds and read the same line over and over again. Somehow that sentence made so much difference to her. She told him she likes him too, even from the beginning because he's different... Because he understands her.

He said a lot of things that she knew in her heart she would never, ever forget. Those words, they are already embedded somewhere in her heart... Maybe in one corner for now but who knows? Maybe she'll keep it there until it grows. Maybe one day she'll end up falling for him and might get her heart broken again... He told her to be brave, rejection is part of it... Maybe she will be rejected, adding to the list of people who fell for him.

She wanted to be bold and say, "i want to try but not with others but with you only.". Too soon... Too soon... Too soon... Maybe one day she'll have courage, maybe one day she'll try... She will maybe rejected but at least she tried. The lonely woman is hoping, silently wishing that he really meant to say those words, that they are not part of his plan for her to heal... She's really hoping he meant when he said, "i really like you a lot" she saw those words before he deleted them...

He claimed they were bordering flirting that is why he deleted it. Could he really be honest saying those words or is he just testing her if she would fall? She began to wonder how nice it would feel if he really likes her... Though "like" has such a broad meaning... He could like her because he said she's unique, complex... She could only hope it was the same as the "like" she was feeling after all she already admitted she's having a crush on him... Would he mind? Would she get in trouble? Would he avoid her now???

The lonely woman, she could never be more hopeful, thankful, and grateful..

I don't know how you do it, claiming you still love me and yet you are content on your own.  Want me in some ways but not lose me completely.


I tried, I am trying so hard to forget the feelings and be contented with just the memories of a very beautiful love.  We must be insane, it is a shame putting this love to waste when it is almost perfect.


In some ways I want to go back and just love you like nothing has changed, in my heart, I am hoping maybe I could convince you for another shot, another try... us once more...


In some ways, I am letting this wall you built around us to come between us.  Hoping for days when you would have a chance to say, "Hello!"  Oh my happy days... they are now limited to the very few days I could exchange words with you when not too long ago, I was dancing with the stars, soaring beyond the heavens, when your love was mine, my safe haven, when there is only you and yet i am more than complete.


There is a gaping hole in my heart.  Huge void so visible when i don't have you.  I know in my heart - then, now, and always... there would only be you.  It is just so sad you don't feel the same.  You don't feel the desperation i am going through.


I thought as days go by, tears would stop, sobs would be silenced but here i am still feeling the emptiness and longing for a love that is again not meant to be... a borrowed time, a tease on my wounded soul, to my broken heart, my shattered dreams... this is what universe has brought me... sadness, emptiness, tears - forever and again...

You saw the darkness of my soul, the filth in my mind. You also saw the pureness and sincerity of my heart and my love.

Sometimes, i just want to keep going... continue reaching out to let you know i am here loving you without a doubt. Still want to convince you, i can take us there just dont give up on us. Try and make you believe in us again, give us another chance... believe in us again... gamble once more.

I told myself, if i could do that, i know every now and again, you would want to be alone sometimes... you would disappear on me for months again, making me feel so lost but that is okay just as long as i know that one day you'll be back and would tell me my favorite words and then as if i never lost you.

It was so different then... your words were so different then... somewhere in our journey, you let go of my hands... and in the roads we're traveling, i lost you.

I still see you everywhere. Sometimes, i am fooling myself, making myself believe that universe still wants us together in the end that is why we could not completely say goodbye and let each other go... if only to make myself happy for a brief moment.

I kept all these things inside for so long not wanting to bother you but how much longer could i hold them in?

In my desperate moments, i wanted to beg you, you dont have to love me... let me do that for both of us. Please lie to me and tell me you love me too and my world will be whole again.

I wanted to say, please allow me to love you endlessly. Just be there for me once in a while. Make me the proud girlfriend i was before even if it is just a make believe...

Those times when you feel you need someone to love you, turn to me and i will give you all love that your heart can contain.

A little piece of happiness... i am good with that... i am good with that...

I can't go back to sleep...it eluded me again. Fifteen minutes to one am...in the darkness of my quiet bedroom, the sounds that are loudly echoing are my thoughts of you and this background music that i have been playing on loop for days...

In my heart, with its every beat, all i could feel is the realization of the beauty of this thing we have...a love, a relationship, the perfect chemistry of every emotional and chemical reaction that science could explain and yet magically undefined, in some sort and ways, logically unexplainable...every doubts and reasons could never explain, unjustifiable? Could this be the right word? Probably not...

We have alphabets, words, shapes, colors, pictures, numbers to help express the feelings and intentions and yet with all the wisdom blessed to humankind, no one has ever made a perfect definition of love.

Here i am again, filling my mind with sweet dreams about us. Flooding my heart with hopes and dreams of a possibility of an honest future with you. Here i am again wiping these uncontrollable tears at times still asking myself, "Are you just a wonderful dream that my lonely heart created, an escape to my miserable feelings?" Yet every time i would hear your voice, when i hear or read you say the words, "I love you" it soothes me, then i know you are real...you are there some five thousand miles away, loving this woman who is so crazily and helplessly in love with you.

Here in the darkness of my quiet bedroom...a big and empty space beside me...i am wondering, is he awake now? What could he possibly be doing this very moment? Is he thinking about me? Saying my name in his mind or calling my name out loud, wishing i am just around, us cuddling, kissing, making love, laughing, smiling, and a lot, lot more?

Here in the darkness of my quiet room...i am loving you like crazy...wishing you're here with me this very moment...

For another love that is not meant to be... I am hopeful, thankful, and grateful for everything and more...

I loved you to the highest of heavens, to the deepest sea, wider than the universe, beyond the grave and afterlife. I loved you more than life itself...

Love... when you came, you brought everything with you and I embraced you with all of me but when you left, you took my everything with you...

One lonely night... inside the four corners of my dark and quiet bedroom, I prayed for someone to love... someone to love me in return.

I thought the heavens and the universe were listening as I whispered and pleaded my heart's wishes and desires but... probably, they only heard a little piece of my prayers, I guess they missed the biggest part when I wished for it to stay forever...

My life's simple pleasures are looking at your picture while letting myself get drowned with your essence, let myself fall deeper in to you while 1 feel an enormous amount of overflowing love for you Remembering the pain as 1 embrace the happiness of living life knowing you are there, loving me in your own ways. There is nothing greater than waking up in the morning realizing I have everything 1 need and want living and growing in the depths of my very soul.

We are like the "Yin-Yang" of our own world. The opposite of each other but cosmically connected...1 would like to think of it as one would not be complete without the other or the universe would lose its balance. You are the energy that keeps me on ground. The sunlight in my dark world. The genius mind behind my simple knowledge. 1 am the star but you are my sparkling light that lights up our own world. Like a star struck fool, I look up to you as if you are the big, big universe outside my small, small world.

Please look at the sky tonight with your telescope, if you could see where it starts and it ends -- maybe that is the beginning or the ending of my love for you or maybe the space in between is just how much i am loving you...

My Only World

When my other world is in chaos, i run to you to seek peace and quiet.

When my other world is too busy and crowded, i come to you to rest and be alone

When my other world feels like crushing i come to you to rebuild my all

When my other world is mean and cruel, i come to you to find justice and comfort

When things feel cold in my other world, i run to you for warmth

When all i see and hear are lies in my other world, i seek truth and honesty from you

When i feel like i want to turn my back on my other world... i run to you like there is no other world than ours...

If I could paint a picture of what I am feeling for you, how much you mean to me, how much I love you, the intensity of it - I would say I would exceed all known painters in the world. It would be full of colors - it would use up all the colors and hues and palettes and strokes, and lines, and techniques and everything just to give justice to what 1 am feeling but they would still not be enough because it would still remain "indescribable".

How much tears do you need to shed before it wash away all the hurts and pains?

When you surrender yourself to love, you must be prepared to get your heart broken. Equal space for love, happiness, contentment, sadness, hurt, and pain.

True love does not happen to everyone...only those who are lucky and blessed so embrace it while you have it, enjoy it, cherish it...fear it...

You rocked my world, did i even leave a dent in yours, even just a tiny dot?

Loving you in silence, loving you from afar...hiding myself behind my words.

In your world we are over, in my world you're still mine...still loving you beyond words could ever say...

15 hours and 15 mins ago, i heard your voice which always drive me crazily in love with you, you made me laugh, i get to share some moments with you, my own "me" time... my "alone" moment with you. If i could only hold on to every moment i can get to share my life with you... in those brief moments when the distance between us didnt matter, as if it does not exists... it is like the heavens meeting the earth... those moments when i am most happiest, i wish i could hold them, i wish i could stop the time if i could only spend just a little while longer with you.

Right now, 15 hours and 20 minutes ago... i could count the difference between my happiness and my normalcy.

I am missing you right this very moment... and loving you so much more than i could ever understand...

Hearing the sound of my heart sobbing, the loud echoes in my mind, the silence in my soul... surredering to the pain, accepting i am once again a fallen victim of this playful universe...