In traditional relationships each spouse seems to have an assigned "turf" or "domain." Everything is kept separate...In non-traditional relationships everything is open and free....There are no "turfs" or "territories" or lines drawn in the sand...I didn't wrap my identity around being the "only cook" in the family or the only one who did laundry etc...My husband didn't wrap his identity around being the only "plumber" or mechanic in the family...Since we didn't "do turfs" we both felt free to venture into any area and it felt good to be part of a team and have company!...All of this seems perfectly normal to me. My parents had this type of marriage and their friends did too. But I guess it's not normal for everyone...Have to go now and do some "work." (Hard work but I'm pretty "tough!")...Thanks for the interesting discussion. I'll check back later.

AthenaRose...Well it's definitely important for a family to have enough income to survive. I can relate to this...My husband usually made more money than I did but we didn't base it all on who brought in the most...Work is work and we both came home tired. And this is why we both pitched in to shop and cook and get the chores done after work...When the chores were done we could both sit down and relax and enjoy the night together...My husband didn't want to sit around and "stick me" with everything. And I didn't want to "stick" him with everything either...We got things done fast when we both worked together and enjoyed being a "well-oiled team!"...Wages aren't always fair and equal in our country. Some people work very hard and don't get paid much. And other people have easier days and earn higher salaries.

There are couples who just don't fit in to traditional gender roles. (And don't want to!)...My husband and I didn't want to be "half people" who made up a "whole." (Where we each played out "assigned roles" based on our gender.)...Both of us wanted to feel free to "take on everything" with no restrictions...My parents were this way too. (Way back in the "old days!")...And my husband's parents took pride in being "interchangeable" and well-rounded too...I think it depends on our role-models when we were growing-up and our circle of friends today...My closest friends are "pioneer" type of women who can do most everything. And they are married to men who take pride in being well-rounded too.

I wouldn't want my marriage to feel like a "prison" where I got "punished" for daring to step out of "line."...And I wouldn't want to "punish" my husband either...I wouldn't want to be in a parent/child type of relationship or a king/slave type of relationship...This stuff seems foreign and outdated to me...My husband and I enjoyed being equal partners and neither one of us needed to be the "head" or "boss."...We both took pride in being well-rounded and skilled when it came to sharing all the chores that needed to be done around the house...We didn't want to be "stuck" in "set roles." Or confined to a small "little corner."

My husband and I were best friends and equals. So "talk" about dominant and submissive always seem foreign to me...I feel like an alien from some far-off planet when dominant/submissive discussions come up.

A simple and non-threatening text would be nice. (As the OP mentioned.)...Kind of like a "thank you" note...You're right. Not hearing anything would be hard to deal with too.

I have green eyes but I'm not the jealous type...Well I wouldn't hook-up with a man who "got off" on trying to make me jealous all the time. I don't want to play games! Life is too short!

I'd get spooked if a guy came on super strong and sent me texts or called or "hounded me" non-stop after one date...A widow I met on another forum did "too much, too fast" with a guy she just met and I worried that she might scare him off...And sure enough she did! Some people have fears about being "roped and tied" and suffocated. I know I do...I like to take things slow and easy at first.

Some of my female friends seem closer to their girlfriends or sisters than they are to their husbands...And some husbands seem closer to their buddies than they are to their wives...When my husband was alive we were best-best friends. We spent all of our time together out of choice...I only saw or talked to my girlfriends once in a great while. And my husband was the same way with his friends...We just preferred each other's company most of all but we were free to see or talk to friends at any time. (Just didn't want to very often.)

If someone "cheated" on me I would end the relationship and it would be over for me...Every couple is bound to have problems that need to be worked-out and discussed along the way...Little kids feel justified in "acting-out" or "getting even" when they run into problems or don't get their own way...But it's different when we're all "grown-up." I just wouldn't be able to trust or respect my partner anymore if he felt entitled to "cheat" versus acting like a man and trying to work-through problems with me...Or if he didn't have the guts and courage to tell me that he wanted "out" before he started "running around" with other women.

My friend's husband seems like "Joe Friday." (From the old "Dragnet" series.) He wants the so-called "facts" with as few words as possible...I'm not used to being around men like this. My husband wasn't this way...I'm not into "drama" but it's kind of boring when words have to be kept at a minimum and expressing feelings is taboo and considered a big "sin."...I don't think every single man is exactly the "same." Some men do enjoy opening-up and stating how they feel...And I've been around men who talk non-stop and whine and complain. (I consider "griping" an expression of emotions. Don't you?)

I agree when it comes to being "politely honest." Good term!....I like my friend and her husband and they can be caring in many ways...But it's obvious that we come from very different backgrounds...I live in a "melting pot" type of area that is still semi-rural. So I have to adapt and adjust to different cultures. Plus we get "invaded" by "snowbirds" from all over the place who stay here during the cooler weather months...Oh we have "weekenders" too who come here to sail in their boats or gamble in the casinos...I never know how people will "act" when I go out or spend time with new friends...Most of the time I'm a loner and just do my own thing...At least I know and understand my own culture!

I don't think we are suppose to be "brutally honest." Maybe honest in a caring and diplomatic way...I brought one of my local female friends some french vanilla coffee the other day. She said she liked this flavor. And I wanted to bring her a little gift since she and her husband helped me with a few things recently...Anyway I saw my friend a few days later and asked if she had tried the coffee yet. She said: "I did and I hated it!"...Guess it's normal to be "brutally honest" in her culture. (Kind of like kids who just blurt things out without regard for the "impact" on others.)...Anyway I told my friend that I was sorry she didn't like the coffee. She didn't say anything else to try to "smooth" the situation "over." (No "thanks for trying" or anything like that.)...We all come from different cultures and have different "ways" and "norms" I guess!

I've been sort of a "maverick" or misfit since I was small....Enjoy living and thinking "outside the box."

Great that Lee stopped by to check on you and brought you a card and flowers...He sounds like such a caring man and great friend...Didn't get to many stores yesterday but the few I checked had a slim selection of candy on sale and some only marked the candy down 25 percent and not half-off yet...Things aren't the same anymore! Oh well...I got a little something to satisfy my sweet tooth...Hope you feel lots better soon!

Sorry about all you've been going through...I got really sick after New Year's and went into a big slump...Hope you find a new job soon...I can't send you private messages anymore. The older notes got deleted. And you have a filter that doesn't allow women to write to you...Anyway please send me a note when you feel up to it and I'll be able to write back to you again. Thanks!

My first husband put on a big show and "grand display" when my birthday rolled around. He went "all out" for our anniversary too and Valentine's Day etc... The trouble is that he was "missing" and "vacant" the rest of the year...We just weren't close on an everyday basis...And in the end I really didn't want his "stuff" anymore. His "grand giving" seemed more about him than me...He really "sucked-up" all the praise and credit and bragged about all he "did" for me...I wanted a best friend. I wanted a close relationship. (On an everyday basis.) But he was "stumped" and "lost" because he couldn't go out and buy "closeness" in a department store.. And he didn't know how to create this kind of closeness and intimacy on his own.

Good advice...Thanks for posting all the tips and insights...I agree that it's definitely important to "fight fair.".. I think this might be hard for some people who become dead-set (and addicted) to "winning" at all cost... People like this view compromising as a sign of weakness. (When it doesn't have to be taken this way.)...As kids our parents were suppose to teach us how to "share" and consider the wants and needs of others...I don't know how many times my parents reminded me that I wasn't the absolute center of the universe. (I heard this over and over again!)...Anyway thanks for posting the "good advice." I think we need guidelines at times to overcome some of the bad habits we might have picked-up in the past. Don't you?

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was jealous and possessive...All the "drama" would drive me crazy and give me headaches...I enjoy having a sense of security and peace and trust in my relationships..If I had to deal with a lot of "drama" and "games" on a regular basis this would make me feel me feel insecure...And the relationship would "eat-up" all of my time and energy...I want to feel free to develop my individual pursuits in life too. And this isn't possible when a relationship starts to "eat me alive" and "drains me" to the point that I don't have energy left for anything else.

Why does anyone (male or female) resort to manipulation tactics?...When there is an imbalance of power in a relationship the person who feels lacking in power (or full autonomy) may resort to "tricks" to have a hand in the decision-making process...Basically this is the hallmark of parent/child relationships...Small children know they don't have much power or authority compared to their parents...So kids might resort to manipulation tactics to try to gain what they want...In healthy and equal relationships both partners are viewed as full-grown adults. Nobody is asked to "play kid" or "parent."