Usually I'm specific..I might comment about something I like or enjoy or appreciate about a person...I don't like to be vague or speak in generalities. And I don't want to be a "brown-noser." I only compliment someone if it's something I really feel..To be honest I've never been big on flirting.

AthenaRose...My husband and I were just friends and "best buddies" for two straight years and had lots of fun together...He never pushed for more and never tried to put the "make" on me...We both fell in love at a later date. It was mutual....When he asked me to marry him he said he would have been content to be my friend forever...He viewed "being in love" as an "added bonus." (Like frosting on a cake.)

AthenaRose...I keep forgetting I'm on a dating site! I just post on the forum...But you're right it's normal for people who make friends here to think in terms of "more" at some point if all goes well...I guess I was referring to male family friends that I know in my personal life...I've told them many times that I'm not ready to date anyone yet...They don't bring up dating and act like it's fine being friends...I don't see any of them very often...Anyway two of the men have ulterior motives. It's obvious to me now but wasn't before.

I agree...I think the "rush to love" does contribute to high divorce rates.

AthenaRose......I wonder if some men (and women too) view friendship as a ladder and stepping-stone to something "more" in the future...Being friends is simply part of the courtship ritual..It's like an investment or putting money in the bank with the expectation of "future returns."...Where other people are content just to be friends and don't have ulterior motives. What do you think?...I think my neighbor and another longtime male friend have always had (secret) ulterior motives..But I'm friends with another male neighbor and he's not in the market for love. I don't pick-up any hidden agendas when I've spent time with him.

AthenaRose...I've been through a lot of shake-ups since my husband and sons passed away...Sometimes I feel like an adolescent again. I have to reinvent myself and form a new identity...Anyway I am going through lots of changes. Some friends "mean well" but they have a habit of handing me unsolicited advice at times...It's weird how some people view me as a child now just because my husband and both of my sons passed-away and I'm suddenly alone...Basically I'm doing okay...Anyway I am evaluating which friends I want to stay close to and which friends to distance myself from right now...So this is why I don't want to be gushy-gushy with everyone. Need to take time to see how I really feel about the people in my life...Hard for me to deal with "know-it-alls" right now!

AthenaRose...It's hard for me to remember that it's 2013 now too..And we're already into February!...I enjoy being here too because there's no pressure to date or hook-up with someone right away..As a woman have you felt obligated to say "I love you" to female friends and relatives most of the time? I really do love everyone but saying it all the time can get a little old when it seems like an obligation and requirement...I'd feel like a sinner or meanie if I didn't say it... Sometimes I just want to say "bye." But at other times I'm fine with saying "I love you."

With someone else things might have turned out differently...But things have seemed odd and "off" between me and my neighbor since the incident..He seems to be in the "save face" mode or ?...I think his ego and pride may have been "bruised" but he really doesn't want to talk about it any further.

I try to avoid getting stuck in self-pity...Over the past few years my husband and both of my grown "kids" (sons) passed away and I really don't have family left..I'm alone now. But I just can't afford to get bogged down in self-pity and walk around "playing victim" even though I know I still have some grieving left to do...I take pride in being a survivor and soldier or "pioneer-like woman" who has what it takes to keep "going-on" no matter what...I have some "off days" but I won't let myself "stay down" for long. I tell myself to "get up" and "get going" so I won't lay around and "drown" in sorrow and self-pity.

Ever since my husband died I look forward to the day after Valentine's Day so I can (hopefully) buy some of my favorite candy at discounted prices...Last year I found some really nice socks with hearts on them at half-price too..So Valentine's Day isn't a total "loss" for me...But I sure do miss my husband. He always bought me a "mushy card" on Valentine's Day and my favorite chocolate truffles...He always managed to sneak in a little romance whenever he could...He started wishing me happy birthday when the clock struck midnite and wished me happy birthday (in a cute way) every hour or so all day and night on my birthday...He even wished me "happy day after my birthday" the next morning and all during the "day after!" He liked to make a "big deal" out of special days...Sure do miss him!

Toodygirl...I honestly believe that my marriage lasted and survived all of the "storms" because it was built on a solid friendship...My husband and I couldn't stay mad at each other for too long because it was more fun to go back to being best friends again and "playmates!"

I'm not used to flirting. I was happily married for decades and probably still feel married today even though my husband is gone now...But I do have a playful and fun-loving side...Guess I probably need to learn how to flirt (in harmless ways) and loosen-up a little bit.

It's great that we're all unique individuals in our own right! Life would sure be boring if we were all clones and carbon-copies of each other. Don't you think?

I agree...My husband knew how to reach me and be romantic with me because we were friends for so long and he knew me really well...I'm not exactly a "mushy person" but my husband knew just how to "get' to me and melt my heart and make me laugh and "tickle my fancy."...Men who just meet me don't know about my "soft sides."...And I knew how to "tickle" my husband's "fancy" too because we were close friends (first) for so many years.

Thanks...I always cringe when young men start threads about the "friend zone" and how they don't want to be put in the "friend zone" etc...They don't know what they're missing. And finding the "right person" and a life-mate isn't as easy and simple as shopping for new clothes or a new car etc...It can take a long time to find a "good match." And being friends first with no pressure or hidden "strings" seems like the best way to find out what people are really like. (Versus rushing into a love relationship "sight unseen" with "unknowns" lurking all over the place!) This is how I feel anyway.

Exactly...I think it's great to be friends first. There's no pressure...It's easier to "be real" and open-up and talk to a good friend versus someone we're officially dating.

Leigh...Thanks for understanding..I think it's important to remember that all women aren't exactly the same...And all men aren't exactly the same either...Don't you think?

Thanks! I always enjoy reading your posts too!

Leigh...I guess it's different for me because I'm just here to make friends and post on the forum...I'm still not over losing my husband and both my sons and 4 cats (too) all within a short span of time..I know I'm not ready to date yet and just talk about making friends in my profile...My husband only did "mushy-mushy" with me concerning the way I looked once in awhile. (When I made a special effort to get dressed-up for a special event etc.) And this was fine with me because I don't usually focus much on my outer appearance...My focus has always been on learning new things and expanding my mind and skills as I move through life. And my husband was always full of praise and supportive when it came to my desire to learn and grow and take on new challenges...Anyway I guess I'm just not a normal woman. Maybe I'm a "nerd!" But oh well...I'm happy being me and I wouldn't know how to be any other way!...I'm not mean to men who call me "sweetie-pie" names. But to be honest we just wouldn't be compatible or a good match!

I'm just not a fan of flattery. Or excessive "mushy stuff."..I can only take a teeny bit here and there...I don't want to be told that I'm beautiful or pretty or any of that "stuff."...A simple statement like "You look nice today" works best for me if I'm dressed-up for some special event..My focus is not on the way I look on the "outside." I'm just trying to survive and get through each day the best I can.. And I try to learn new things along the way when possible.