if someone cancelled plans with me at the last minute, the very least i would expect would be an explanation of the details.

why does that seem to be such a difficult thing to do?

First, and this is VERY important, you must NOT be trying to get her number. Instead go in, say hi, introduce yourself and shake hands. Then start a conversation. Ask her an open ended question. Get to know her a little and see if there's any sparks. Have fun and tease her a little.

DO NOT tell her how pretty she is. She already know that because every guy in the friggin world tells her so. Complement her on her mind. For who she is, not for her looks.

You are so hot! = Bad

Wow, you are really know a lot about X. That's cool! = Good

Find out what's unique about her and tell talk about that. Let her know that you can see deeper into her than other men do.

BE REAL! Be your true self.

I think you're forgetting that she was probably just as excited about getting together as you were. When you suddenly told her that you couldn't see her it must have been very disappointing for her, which explains her reaction (what you call a 'attitude'). I don't think it was the cancellation that was an issue as much as your ex being involved. A relationship is supposed to be between two people, not three, so I see her point here. Yes you have an ex and it will be part of your next relationship, but that is YOUR issue and shouldn't be your next partners. It's simply a matter of how you handle integrating your ex into your next relationship.




Actually quite a lot of people, but it's not the baggage that's the issue, it's how it's handled. When you first started dating in your teens or 20's, would you have wanted your girlfriend to keep pushing her last boyfriend into your relationship? Probably not. There's no difference here. No one wants to play third fiddle.

I find your post really interesting. A parent who found myself single and wishing to date I can relate to the ups and downs.

It is fun to meet someone and be excited about them; lavishing them with attention and thinking all the other issues in life will some how not intrude on the romance.

In dateing people tend to hear what they want to hear and vague comments about a non-custodial parent being a "problem" doesn't really sink in, especially to a non-parent, until it smacks them in the face like a cancelled weekend date that her friends probably knew about just like the before dinner social drinking. The same is true if a person really wants to find someone who will be the better half they struck out finding previously.

Not having been there and not hearing the other side of this Lovers spat I would guess there was a lot of "attitude" on both sides of the coin.

YES I HAD A BIT OF AN ATTITUDE BECAUSE I WAS DISAPPOINTED TOO AND WANTED TO SEE HER AND ALL SHE THOUGHT OF WAS HERSELF!

Is it possible that your new love interest was telling you that she did not want to hear about your baby momma drama because she was trying to be mature enough to let you deal with it. Something which is the dominent view of all persons who are usually involved even remotely includeing professionals; especially the courts.

aCTUALLY SHE ASKED ABOUT MY LIFE AND MY EX AND WAS WELL IN THE LOOP!

Any custodial parent (even shared custody) who has an ex to one degree or another has and ex-out-law to deal with. Those of us who picked the real loosers as co-parents have a rough road to go down and it takes a lot to not make not only our children vunerable to suffer their failures but also anyone we hope to bring into our life. Sometimes the reality of that is we have to move slower, make more "tenative" plans, and accept the consequences even if they are dissappointing.


WELL SOME TRUTH TO THAT I PICKED MY EX AND WASN'T THE BEST CHOICE I EVER MADE, BUT THATS IN THE PAST CAN'T CHANGE IT! IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT THEY CAN CHOOSE NOT TO DATE ME!

It doesn't take rocket science to figure out that if a vindictive Ex finds out you are "getting a life" that they will mess it up even if it means making the child miserable which also creates a new need. How yours found out about this "new" relationship or is just making sure you don't have a chance to have one you have tough choices to make about how you are going to react.and not allow this to be part of your new life.

YES, WAS UPFRONT ABOUT THIS! THE CHOICES ARE FOR HER NOT ME REALLY, IT'S MY REALITY HER CHOICE!

It sounds harsh but you were in the wrong making a date when you thought you were going to be "off duty" while Mom was. Basiclly because you are NEVER off duty. Sure Ex Mommy Dearest was the scapegoat in this scenario but even if she had come through you still could have been called away by an ill child and you had no back up person. Bad form.


I THINK THIS TO BE STUPID! WHEN CAN I MAKE PLANS THEN? IF A PLAN B INVOLVES LEAVING MY KID WHEN SHE NEEDS ME AS A PLAN B I WILL STICK WITH NO PLAN B! WASN'T ABOUT DAYCARE, YOU MISSED THE POINT!

Also not having a fun alternate plan "B" for your little one was poor planning on your part. Just because Dad can't make Mom be a hero you have the opportunity to make your dating much less traumatic by making your private time safe, fun, and positive for them. Yea Mom bombed out but you should have not made it a crummy day where Dad was the helpless, angry, victim "all" day but the person who could have said "so what life goes on and later you are going to ______." (My personal favorite and certainly my sons was a family pass to the zoo. Sometimes we did it together sometimes they did it with a sitter. Sometimes They went just because dear old custodial parent me need a day to other personal stuff. Just because you are divorced does not mean you have to be care giver every moment you are not at work. )

WHO SAID I MADE IT A CRUMMY DAY? "DIDN'T HAPPEN" WHO SAID I PLAYED THE VICTIM? "DIDN'T HAPPEN" I THINK SOME OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL BAGGAGE IS IN THIS PARAGRAPH?

Last and not least is how you break the news that you are not going to have to go with the original plan. Realizeing prepareing for a date is a big effort. People generally do have to make schedules to accomodate a date and it creates a void when, especially at the last moment, it doesn't happen. Bad news is generally not best delivered over the phone or even worse over text or email. While it might have taken a little effort it would have been much better to have asked a responsible person to spend a few minutes with your child while you went to her and possibly with and inexpensive card and boquet tell her you are sorry that your plans have to change but she and her time is precious to you.


PROBABLY COULD HAVE BROKE THE NEWS BETTER, I KNEW SHE WOULD BE UPSET AND I WAS TRYING TO APOLIGIZE, BUT SHE JUST SAID LATER AND STARTED TALKING SMACK AND I WAS LIKE WOOOOO WAIT A MINUTE HEAR!

So from your dates standpoint she is behind your child, your self, and your Ex. Not really too fair to ask her to make you first in her life if she is third in yours.

YEAH WELL SHE IS FOURTH ACTUALLY I HAVE THREE KIDS! HOWEVER, I HOPE SHE WOULD RANK ME BEHIND HER KIDS AS WELL. THE EX IS JUST MY BAGGAGE, CAN'T HELP IT ALL I CAN DO IS BE UPFRONT ABOUT IT!

I am not even going to get into the whole debate of when you introduce a child to the person you date as a love interest but one thing I guarantee you is anyone who finds you suitable enough to date will find it VERY OFFENSIVE to be told they have to prove they are the one to be around your child even momentarily. Think about the low lifes your kid runs into every day, some you know, but most likely many you don't; but you don't exclude every stranger in the world from your child so why someone you are social (maybe even sexual) with in a dateing relationship? How would you feel if a person refused to introduce you to her family like some back door gigilo?


LOL, WELL YOUR WAY OFF BASE ON THIS ONE! FIRST OF ALL MY KIDS HAVE NEVER SEEN ME WITH ANOTHER WOMAN IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE SO IT TAKES TIME! BESIDES YOU EXPECT ME TO INTRODUCE MY CHILDREN TO PEOPLE OFF OF A DATING SITE...WOW! NOT GONNA HAPPEN! THIRD CHILDREN GET ATTACHED AND I WANT TO BE SURE BEFORE I INTRODUCE THEM! I EXPECT TO BE INTRODUCED TO SOMEONE'S FAMILY WHEN THE TIME IS APPROPRIATE AND NOT SOONER.

You can write this woman off as many of the people who will not live up to what sounds like truely unrealistic expectations or you can accept her genuine apology of not understanding your situation and try to make it a situation you both can live with.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN SHE IS A BIATCH!

I really doubt she sees your child as "Baggage" and that is what really matters right? Why not give it a chance and see how it works out. Working on seeing things from her side and BEING the best half of a relationship rather than instantly demanding it from another might actually bring you the happiness you seek.


NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE! I'M FORGIVING BUT NOT GONNA MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN!

I would not have gotten a babysitter or invited the girlfriend over when my daughter is upset about her mom canceling on her. The only thing you can do in that situation is focus on your daughter and pay attention to her. Everyone and everything else has to be set aside for a bit.

it sounds like she got angry with the cancellation and lashed out at you without thinking.

i would imagine a mature adult would be a bit more accepting of the situation but i do understand being upset if the call came at the last minute. there's a nice way though to say you're upset.

you weren't willing to invite the lady over for pizza and a board game with your child?

So you called the would-be date and canceled her.
I assume you apologized, blaming the ex.
She had a right to be upset.
Maybe she could have been more supportive.
It appears she thought about it and tried to
explain that to you.
And you turned away from that.

So.
You want from her what you can't give back.
Understanding.
Cross off another one???