Am I the only one frustrated when the person your talking to finally initiates the first date and then has absolutely no plan for it.
I feel like I spend a good amount of conversation before even considering the date to learn about the other person and for them to learn about me. When they ask me to go on a date then hit me with "what do you want to do?" It's almost if not a complete deal breaker for me. Especially when I make sure to discuss interests and even how a first date might look.

I'm with you on that note, Carebear...!
Although, I've never experienced it, what is the point of having those initial conversations if it's going to be, "So... What do you want to do?"

I like when those conversations lead to an exciting first meet. And when in doubt don't pick bowling (ever!!!)
That's just my preference

I put forward my idea of where we should go on a date, but at the same time ask if they would like to go and do something else. A first date after the meeting for coffee is a difficult one in my opinion, unless of course enough hints have been given.

I can see the stress of wanting to get it right. At the same time I want to see I was listened to and I want to see effort.

That is all kinds of silly talk. You're pissed because he's asking you for suggestions?

It's like you're reading into something that's not even there. Ever think the dude just wants to make you happy? Perhaps it works out better for everybody involved when you play the "I'm gonna drop a bunch of hints and you have to figure chit out" rather than being upfront

Just sayin!

Personally, I'd dip on a broad like that. I'm too old for the games and time is running out


And Merry.... bowling is fun! But I'd never take you there if you explicitly said you hate bowling. If you didn't tell me, and I was taking charge and that's where I planned - since you're siding with carebear, the date doesn't work out because you are in a place you don't wanna be.

Dudes can't win


That's ok...the boys will just go for beers and leave you hens doing whatever it is you like to do without us

Have to agree with this. guys are wanting to give you what you want, so tell them what it is.

Like I said we spent plenty of time talking about what we liked and what a good date would look like for each other. It wasn't hinting. I flat out told him and he flat out told me. Suggestions had already been thrown out there. He didn't care to listen. To me it's about effort.

Shows effort. I can appreciate that.

Have you considered asking him about it or talking with him about how you're feeling?

I understand your frustration, on the other hand Bobtail has a really good point. And he hit it on the nail as far as saying, "Dudes can't win".

I've been on both sides of the scenario. Where they decided or made a suggestion, and where they asked what I wanted to do. When he made the decision, I wished he would have asked me what I wanted to do. Then when I met someone who did ask what I wanted to do, I said, "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

Maybe he's just being polite and showing that he cares about what you want to do.

If you haven't written him off yet, perhaps answer his "what do you want to do" question by telling him that you would love it if he would plan the date and to pick you up at such and such a time. Or if you're meeting him, he can let you know shortly beforehand where to meet.

Who knows, maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised and find out that he has listened... or not!

Either way, I hope it all works out for you.

Bob, it's nuanced and if you're spending time having a hours of conversation then it shouldn't be so hard when it's actually time to go out. It's the same as gifting, if you pay attention it's not hard to gift someone, it's not about the gift - it's about listening actively and learning. It does work for some people to be completely direct and say, so what do you want for your birthday/ what do you want to do? (blah blah blah...) But, if you've invested time already then, one should be paying attention and it shouldn't be like pulling teeth.
Lol...! Also, I'm not saying that both people can't throw out options and have conversation about first date. I think that it's always good for both people to come to the table. And, that's why I understand what Carebear is saying.
And, if you feel that fellas "can't win", you won't with that attitude.
Last note: I have been taken bowling even after saying explicitly (prior) that it's not a thing I enjoy. All I'm going to say is: balls and holes 🤢🤢🤢
But, someone did not listen... 🫠

Carebear, the way you should do it is have 3 things you'd like to do or see on a date.
If a guy then asks you what you want to do, you say these 3 things like "I'd love this and this and this" and end with "You pick!"

Something along those lines.

Men ask what YOU want as a man's job is to please YOU!
If they succeed at that it gives them a boost in testosterone, they feel good and want to please you even more by doing things for you.
This is the reason men ask you, it's not that they don't know, it's they want and need to please a woman.

The beaut is that when you receive that and react the above way and a man gets to please you, YOU get a load of oestrogen which makes YOU feel good!

Doing it this way removes all stress as the man knows he will be successful as he has option that YOU like. So no matter which he choses he knows you're going to be happy with it.
You can also relax as he's going to take you to a place you'd like to go, win-win. And there's still the element of surprise as you don't know which of the 3 he's going to pick.

Again, we both discussed our interests and what we thought a good first date would be. Lol I didn't drop hints or play games. For example I didn't say let's play 20 questions and you guess where I like going and what my interests are. I flat out said I love UFC. I like watching the fights/sports at Buffalo Wild Wings while chomping down on chips and queso.
I said downtown offers a lot of entertainment. The local bands are excellent and my favorite is playing this Friday.
I told him I don't do well with escape rooms due to my anxiety but I'm pretty competitive at air hockey and classic arcade games.
I know he's a St Louis Cardnals fan and likes playing billiards. He likes hiking. He's big into country music. He hates pickles. We both love the same seafood restaurant.
Either of us could have planned a good date if we were actively listening.
Besides that I know what A MAN will do when he wants a woman. He will put the effort in. Like Duttoneer said he'll throw out the plan but is considerate enough to adjust if needed.

I actually like bowling but I stink at it. I even fell one time.

I didn't completely ditch him. We met up for supper and he did actually have an idea for what HE wanted to do after and I most definitely did decline!

Everything in life is nuanced.

Dudes don't wanna play a game where that they can't win....so it's ok to have that attitude! And if there's expectations before the first date even takes place - that will go nowhere in a hurry because, it can only get more complicated from there.

Look at it from a dude's point of view - we are expected to take you out, be charming, entertain you, and pay for the date - and don't say you don't expect him to pay, because a dude that don't pay is not going to float your boat enough for a second date

What is a girl bringing, and what expectations should the guy expect? I can dig the fact that a guy could have expectations as well - Usually they want some nookie for what they've invested...but I think that, that's wrong too.

Balls and holes....thats pool or billiards. Bowling is knocking down pins. Both are great dates for guys, because you get to check out her azz without her noticing you staring, and pool is great when she leans in for a shot.

This response Bob... Listen, it's not easy for the ladies as well because my experience has been that the fellas take such offence when I open my wallet to pay. It is the complexities of the dating experience. But, I don't think it's a game. Therefore, it's not about winning.
But, some folk are into that. To come back to Carebear's original post and her responses I get it and would feel similar if I were in her position. Her idea of of UFC and wings is spot on, but the fella is pedestrian.
But, I understand your POV Bob and I'm glad you understand the nuances.



P.S. I hate pool too... I would rather die. 🤢

You're killing me, Merry!

Settle down Spanky, occasionally you get it right ;-)