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| Topic: Planning the date | |
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Again, we both discussed our interests and what we thought a good first date would be. Lol I didn't drop hints or play games. For example I didn't say let's play 20 questions and you guess where I like going and what my interests are. I flat out said I love UFC. I like watching the fights/sports at Buffalo Wild Wings while chomping down on chips and queso. I said downtown offers a lot of entertainment. The local bands are excellent and my favorite is playing this Friday. I told him I don't do well with escape rooms due to my anxiety but I'm pretty competitive at air hockey and classic arcade games. I know he's a St Louis Cardnals fan and likes playing billiards. He likes hiking. He's big into country music. He hates pickles. We both love the same seafood restaurant. Either of us could have planned a good date if we were actively listening. Besides that I know what A MAN will do when he wants a woman. He will put the effort in. Like Duttoneer said he'll throw out the plan but is considerate enough to adjust if needed. Not sure if you read my post as you seem to ignore it completely. What you're saying here in your post might be true, and would indeed work if he was a woman... You don't seem to understand men and that's where you go wrong. You may have told him all kinds of things you enjoy in conversation/chat, and a woman could derive a great plan from that. A man, however, not so much. You have to be concrete. He clearly asked a question: Where do you want to go? Why can't you give him a clear, concrete answer? If you feel it isn't rocket-science, it also isn't rocket-science to simply answer his question. Be concrete, that's what a man needs, that how a man's brain works and can process things. So give him 3 options, then tell him to pick which one it's going to be. Concrete, don't try to make him into your girlfriend by expecting him to function the same way a woman would!! You want a man, then treat him like a man, and he will treat you like a woman. Isn't that what you want? And he IS treating you like a woman as he is asking you what you want, which means he wants to please you. Stop being difficult, be concrete and answer the question. Then a man can process it and do his "job" ----> make you happy! It's as simple as that. |
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Absolutely true story
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Really hoping to meet someone here to love me more
 , I'm so single and it's getting me sick  
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Sun 01/07/24 06:20 PM
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Again, we both discussed our interests and what we thought a good first date would be. Lol I didn't drop hints or play games. For example I didn't say let's play 20 questions and you guess where I like going and what my interests are. I flat out said I love UFC. I like watching the fights/sports at Buffalo Wild Wings while chomping down on chips and queso. I said downtown offers a lot of entertainment. The local bands are excellent and my favorite is playing this Friday. I told him I don't do well with escape rooms due to my anxiety but I'm pretty competitive at air hockey and classic arcade games. I know he's a St Louis Cardnals fan and likes playing billiards. He likes hiking. He's big into country music. He hates pickles. We both love the same seafood restaurant. Either of us could have planned a good date if we were actively listening. Besides that I know what A MAN will do when he wants a woman. He will put the effort in. Like Duttoneer said he'll throw out the plan but is considerate enough to adjust if needed. Not sure if you read my post as you seem to ignore it completely. What you're saying here in your post might be true, and would indeed work if he was a woman... You don't seem to understand men and that's where you go wrong. You may have told him all kinds of things you enjoy in conversation/chat, and a woman could derive a great plan from that. A man, however, not so much. You have to be concrete. He clearly asked a question: Where do you want to go? Why can't you give him a clear, concrete answer? If you feel it isn't rocket-science, it also isn't rocket-science to simply answer his question. Be concrete, that's what a man needs, that how a man's brain works and can process things. So give him 3 options, then tell him to pick which one it's going to be. Concrete, don't try to make him into your girlfriend by expecting him to function the same way a woman would!! You want a man, then treat him like a man, and he will treat you like a woman. Isn't that what you want? And he IS treating you like a woman as he is asking you what you want, which means he wants to please you. Stop being difficult, be concrete and answer the question. Then a man can process it and do his "job" ----> make you happy! It's as simple as that. Again we both discussed what we both thought a good date would look like. I said watching a fight, seeing a downtown local band, visiting an arcade plus more ideas. He shared his ideas as well. He then said "Speaking of dates. Can I take you on one?" When I said "I'd like that" he followed up with "what do you want to do?" Like we didn't just have a conversation about it. He either wasn't listening or he was and he didn't feel I was worth the effort or He's just lazy. I've been out with some really good quality men since my divorce. Everyone of those had some sort of plan for a date. There were a couple who didn't engage with me about what I wanted to do on a date but I appreciated there was something they enjoyed and wanted to share that with me. The ones that didn't plan usually ended up not having very good intentions with me. They almost always seemed to want to be mothered like a child and usually were the ones that had expections just because they paid for a meal. I've been in relationships with no effort men. I had to plan everything, pay for everything. I didn't know my value. I didn't have good boundaries and I settled. I'm not that woman anymore. I know what I have to offer. I know what I want. I want someone to show me they can lead, provide and build a relationship with me. If I have engaged with you what I like to do on a date and you still can't take care of that...well I don't have much confidence that you can lead me in a relationship. It's hard for me to respect and treat someone like a man if I have to repeat myself and take charge of everything. I don't want to be a mother to a grown man. |
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So...it sounds like you gave him 70 choices and he asked you to pick one of them
Or did you expect him to take you to the arcade, then watch a fight, and then see a band then whatever more ideas you were talking about. If that's the case... set the bar higher, that might be too low! |
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It's a date. It's not the end of the world.
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Sun 01/07/24 06:32 PM
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I don't know if it was 70 (I enjoy a lot of things) but it was definitely enough he could have made a plan and shown some effort.
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It's a date. It's not the end of the world. Thank you |
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I don't know if it was 70 (I enjoy a lot of things) but it was definitely enough he could have made a plan and shown some effort. Right, so I gather from your reply to me that you don't understand. You think you have changed, are now a high value woman with the way you're behaving. I'm sorry to say, but you're not. You do not understand how man function, they're not the same as women. I've explained a few times and you still stick to being demanding, wanting him to function like a woman instead of a man. But alas... your choice. I guess we don't learn until we're ready for it. But don't be shocked if your dating life isn't going to get any better as there's a phrase for women who are and behave like you: High maintenance. In case you don't know, that's the opposite of a high value woman... The High Value woman is very attractive, the high maintenance one not so much. In any case, good luck. |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Mon 01/08/24 05:25 AM
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It's not high maintenance to not settle for someone that is not a good fit. I didn't demand from him anything.
He didn't make a plan even after he had plenty of specific suggestions from me (like you said). I planned the date and the more time i spent with him the more his truth came out. He's not the type of person that takes initiative. He's no effort. I recognized it and i walked away from it rather than settling for it like before (changed behavior on my part). I wasn't demanding that's your assumption. I merely asked here on mingle if anyone else got frustrated that the other person couldn't ever take initiative to plan a date even after in engaging in conversation about specifically how a good date would be. You can excuse me if I don't have men all figured out like you do. I'm learning through my life experiences though. I've actually really enjoyed dating especially the ones where one of us showed initiative and put effort into it. As far as my value. I know who I am and my worth. I won't ever allow the world to dictate my value ever again. My value comes from God. |
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I have planned all my first dates. Because the Men I go out with ask me what I would like. They travel so they don't really know my area here anyway. Online chats and long times on telephone before any meet.
Works out well for Us. Ive had several dates from off a Paid dating relationship site. |
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Wow bravo!! I agree with you.
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Pfffft...
Overplanning a date ruins any semblance of spontaneity. |
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