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| Topic: another Joke - part 2 | |
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Mary go's into hospital for a pee flap reduction job. Next day she's coming round from her op. and a nurse walks in the ward. And shouts welcome back to the real world Mary you have had your op all went well. You got three lovely cards with three beautiful bunches of flowers. Mary asks who are the first lot from. Nurse replies there from your husband. Wishing you well and can't wait to get you home. Then who are the 2nd lot from nurse replies there from the surgeon who done the op wishing you a speedy recovery. Then Mary says well who are the 3rd lot from. Ha replies the nurse there from Patrick down in the burns unit. Thanking you for his new ears.
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A very large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink? The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed, dissipated drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured her a large drink and the woman chugged it down in record time. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!" Yet again she chugged it down in record time before turning around to the patrons for the third time with the same request. And yet again the little drunk chap at the end of the bar pulled out his money and said “Give the ballerina a drink!” At this the bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Look mate, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?" The drunk looked him in the eye and replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has GOT TO BE a ballerina!  🤣
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 So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs.  I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me  )Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage. 
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So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me )Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.  It's the same dog whom I trained, 🤪 |
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Funny Apple Love
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A preacher starts a new church in his town. It’s non-denominational, doesn’t follow any specific tenets…in fact, to join it only has one rule: you have to go one week without sex.
There were three couples who wanted to join: an older couple, a middle aged couple, and a newlywed couple. The preacher gathers them in his office, admonishes them of the rule, and tells them to come back in a week. 7 days later, the preacher is in his office. First the older couple comes into the office. “So, how did you do?” the preacher asks. “Well,” started the old man, “We’re kinda up there in years, so it wasn’t a big struggle for us. We went the whole week without sex.” “Congratulations,” the preacher replied. “Welcome to the church!” A little while later the middle aged couple comes in. “So how did you do?” the preacher asks. “Well,” began the husband, “I gotta admit, it got kinda tough right around Thursday, but this was important to us. We went the whole week without sex.” “Congratulations,” the preacher replied. “Welcome to the church!” Finally the newlywed couple comes in. “So how did you do?” the preacher asks. “Well,” the husband started, looking sheepishly at his feet, “We tried really hard. We really did. But I can’t lie to you, preacher. Along about Friday, I caught my wife bent over the freezer, and I just couldn’t help myself.” “Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” said the preacher, “but you can’t join the church.” “We understand,” the husband said. “We’re not allowed in Walmart anymore, either.” |
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Husband - What's for dinner?
Wife - Nothing! Husband - We had nothing yesterday! Wife - I know! I made enough for 2 days. |
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Funny Apple Love and PW
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Laugh
 Yakubu was a very dull boy. His peers called him "Father of f00ls". When he was in a Private school he got the following results: Maths = 2% English = 5% Science = 0% Social Sciences = 1% He was taken to a government school and got the following results: Maths = 0% English = 1% Science = 0% Social Sciences = 0% His parents were very disappointed but still decided to put him in a Christian school even though they were not Christians. The First term Yakubu passed and was the first in the class. Maths = 90% English = 93% Science = 95% Social Sciences = 89% His parents could not believe it. They asked him how he managed to pass and he said; "When I saw a man nailed on the cross at ever corner of the school building, I knew that these teachers don't joke with students here, they will náil me too if I fail". The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. ctto |
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Laugh Yakubu was a very dull boy. His peers called him "Father of f00ls". When he was in a Private school he got the following results: Maths = 2% English = 5% Science = 0% Social Sciences = 1% He was taken to a government school and got the following results: Maths = 0% English = 1% Science = 0% Social Sciences = 0% His parents were very disappointed but still decided to put him in a Christian school even though they were not Christians. The First term Yakubu passed and was the first in the class. Maths = 90% English = 93% Science = 95% Social Sciences = 89% His parents could not believe it. They asked him how he managed to pass and he said; "When I saw a man nailed on the cross at ever corner of the school building, I knew that these teachers don't joke with students here, they will náil me too if I fail". The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. ctto F🤣U🤣N🤣N🤣Y Some Back Bunkers believes that paper was leaked by Father Of heaven... |
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A very rich Chinese man in Wuhan ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes. One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired. The man agreed and said to the car... Car, go and bring my children from school. The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive. He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children. The car parked right in front of them and said... "These are your children sir..!" In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, his wife's best friend's daughter, his secretary's son and their neighbours two sons. The Wife in full anger  ...Don't tell me all these are your children..?? The man asked her calmly... First you tell me why our children are not in the car.. ??
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A very rich Chinese man in Wuhan ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes. One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired. The man agreed and said to the car... Car, go and bring my children from school. The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive. He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children. The car parked right in front of them and said... "These are your children sir..!" In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, his wife's best friend's daughter, his secretary's son and their neighbours two sons. The Wife in full anger ...Don't tell me all these are your children..?? The man asked her calmly... First you tell me why our children are not in the car.. ?? Perfect Lie PartnersF UNNY
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No that **** is funny
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The Pastor Visits Miss Bea
Miss Bea was in her 80's and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the Spring and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a cut glass bowl setting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity; surely Miss Bea had flipped! But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl and its strange floater, but soon it got the best of him, and he could resist no longer. "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this." Pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful! I was walking in the park last fall and I found this little package. It said to put it on your organ and keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know, I think it’s working, I haven't had a cold all winter! |
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Too funny
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THE SHY GUY
 Girls won't K!ll me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 A girl started noticing a guy who stands in-front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her. It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marri@ge. But wanted her to make the first move.Next day, she went to him and said: "Hi. I'm Radha."GUY: "Hi. I'm Emmanuel."Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the names were matching like Lord Emmanuel and Radha Devi.The girl went on and said: "I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it. I think I really like you too and would love it if we get married."The guy smiled and Said: "Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a password. So, I come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my Girlfrend!"   ♂️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 |
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THE SHY GUY Girls won't K!ll me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 A girl started noticing a guy who stands in-front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her. It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marri@ge. But wanted her to make the first move.Next day, she went to him and said: "Hi. I'm Radha."GUY: "Hi. I'm Emmanuel."Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the names were matching like Lord Emmanuel and Radha Devi.The girl went on and said: "I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it. I think I really like you too and would love it if we get married."The guy smiled and Said: "Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a password. So, I come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my Girlfrend!" ♂️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 F UNNY
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A young lady was swimming at a pool and was having a great time burning calories and keeping fit.
To her horror, she found that her swimsuit had torn open at the bottom leaving her bit exposed. Using her hands to cover up her modesty, she stealthily exited the pool by the side and grabbed a nearby sign to cover up. This somehow got her more attention, and she looked down at the sign. “Depth 1.8metres" Slightly embarrassed, she got rid of that sign and quickly grabbed another. More stares came her way ...... the sign read: “Men's entrance" She could sense her face getting redder by the moment, threw away the sign and grabbed the last one she could grab. Practically everyone was looking at her now, if not for the spectacle she was causing, but also for what was now on that sign. “Repairs ongoing, please enter from the rear" 
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Funny Apple Love
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A young lady was swimming at a pool and was having a great time burning calories and keeping fit. To her horror, she found that her swimsuit had torn open at the bottom leaving her bit exposed. Using her hands to cover up her modesty, she stealthily exited the pool by the side and grabbed a nearby sign to cover up. This somehow got her more attention, and she looked down at the sign. “Depth 1.8metres" Slightly embarrassed, she got rid of that sign and quickly grabbed another. More stares came her way ...... the sign read: “Men's entrance" She could sense her face getting redder by the moment, threw away the sign and grabbed the last one she could grab. Practically everyone was looking at her now, if not for the spectacle she was causing, but also for what was now on that sign. “Repairs ongoing, please enter from the rear"
Poor girl...
I hope her repairs were carried out swiftly 🤣
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