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Topic: Too independent
Totage's photo
Thu 02/21/19 11:04 AM
Is it possible to be too independent?

msharmony's photo
Thu 02/21/19 11:06 AM
If one plans to be a part of a relationship ... IMHO, yes.

For me, in a relationship, both have to be willing to be vulnerable enough to accept from and strong enough to give to the other.


soufiehere's photo
Thu 02/21/19 11:22 AM

Is it possible to be too independent?

Probably ;-)
I am a good example..started working at 16 (flower shop) and
earned enough credits to power my own Social Security by the
time I was 26. Bought my first house (in Silicon Valley no
less) when I was 25 by saving.

When you earn your own $$ and take care of yourself, NO ONE
can tell you what to do and your independence is very real.

I imagine that can be hard to live with ;-)

Larsi666 😽's photo
Thu 02/21/19 11:26 AM
There has to be a good balance between time as a couple, and independence. Sticking together 24/7 can be scary, methinks

oldkid46's photo
Thu 02/21/19 12:26 PM
Being independent is great! The problem in relationships comes when one is much more independent than the other! Some fail badly and are very unhappy when they are expected to be independent.

Rock's photo
Thu 02/21/19 01:58 PM

Is it possible to be too independent?


Nope!


Toodygirl5's photo
Thu 02/21/19 02:45 PM
No I am independent worked starting at 14 for my dad , he had his own business as well as working for factory full time. People are supposed to be independent unless you are Disabled . Then you may need help. Even some disabled people are independent.

I_love_bluegrass's photo
Thu 02/21/19 02:55 PM
A *lot* of men don't care for independant women, it seems....
Like it somehow threatenes them, or their shakey sense of masculinity...

rajbhashkar's photo
Thu 02/21/19 03:27 PM
Respect !☺ with salute ..

oldkid46's photo
Thu 02/21/19 04:21 PM

A *lot* of men don't care for independant women, it seems....
Like it somehow threatenes them, or their shakey sense of masculinity...
Yes, they belong with the women who need somebody to make them happy, support them, and protect them. They should make a good couple!!

no photo
Thu 02/21/19 04:56 PM

Is it possible to be too independent?
that depends ., what would you consider to be too independent ??? biggrin waving

no photo
Thu 02/21/19 05:28 PM

Is it possible to be too independent?


I think it is. If a man has kids, work, hobbies, other stuff, why would he ever have time to see me? We'd probably have to comprise on time, and what days we both have free.

Tom4Uhere's photo
Thu 02/21/19 11:27 PM
If you being you makes my heart joyful and
Me being me makes your heart joyful...
What else really matters?

Dependence is a matter of realtivity.
Each of us in a relationship are dependent on the other for something.
Its more important how the two of you compliment each other than who has more of one thing or another.
If yer thinking that way, you should be alone.

Tom4Uhere's photo
Thu 02/21/19 11:30 PM
I can't be everything to everyone but being with you allows me to be more things to more people.
If that is important to you...

Totage's photo
Fri 02/22/19 09:37 AM
Meh, I'm just a cat living in a world of dogs. Although, I'm not even really a cat, more of a raccoon, cat-like, but not quite a cat either.

I don't need someone to be there for me nearly as much as most people seem to need others. I'm not neglectful, but not smothering by any means either.

I am affectionate and supportive and all, but I do expect others to be independent, may be a bit more so than they are at times.

msharmony's photo
Fri 02/22/19 09:42 AM
I think that is a big obstacle for me personally, feeling like I dont 'need' anyone else. While, on a very semantic level, I have survived many of my years alone, therefore proving no physical 'need' for a partner, there is a emotional desire to be a part of a partnership WITH someone. And I know that partnerships, while they dont strip one of individual identity, require a co dependency on some level to truly be 'partners', which means if I am 'too independent', I probably am unable to allow someone else to share the parts of life with me that make partnerships meaningful in the first place, for habit of just 'doing it all' myself.

So, I totally understand not 'needing' another to be happy. But I firmly believe any strong partnership must have some level of 'depending' on each other and being willing to do so.



Totage's photo
Fri 02/22/19 09:51 AM
I agree, I think a large part of it is trust. I don't trust anyone completely, and I think that is a big factor that prevents me from being more dependent on someone else in a relationship, I think it also prevents me from being there for them as much as they want or need. I will try to push some one to be more independent, if I think they are too dependent, I don't mean to and I try not to.

FeelYoung's photo
Fri 02/22/19 03:34 PM
it depends on the situation. If you are healthy, able to work and living alone, being independent is good. If you need a caretaker, independence can be misconstrued as being stubborn. If you are mobile but not really healthy and in a relationship, it's a good quality to a point...you don't want to become a nuisance to your partner, whining for every little thing. But you also have to "stuff" some of your independent thinking and work together to accomplish things. I have gotten myself in trouble being too independent, and refusing help when all the person wanted to do was to lift some of my burdens and be kind.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Fri 02/22/19 04:50 PM
Edited by SparklingCrystal 💖💎 on Fri 02/22/19 04:51 PM
Like Blondey said, depends what you mean by it.

In general I feel the answer is 'yes'. You enter a relationship to relate, connect, share. If you're too independent these things will be hindered and thus create problems. I think you can see this happen with people who don't/can't/daren't commit or are simply too selfish to compromise and share.
And likely what happens a lot to people who have been alone for too long? What I often hear is that they've gotten so used to doing whatever the hell they want they sometimes don't even want a relationship anymore.

no photo
Fri 02/22/19 05:35 PM
Is it possible to be too independent?

It's possible to be "too" anything.
It all depends on how much of your identity is wrapped up in the value you place in whatever ideal.
You will always try to protect who you think you are, even going so far as to (sometimes violently) push others away that either represent a threat to maintaining the idea of who you think you are, or don't provide enough support/validation to who you think you are.

It's really not about the idea, it's not about being too "independent" or whatever, it's about choosing self image and ultimately fearing change and a loss of control.

Someone "too independent" isn't really independent. They're just overly focused on self image, self perception, control, selfishness, egocentric.
Driven either by fear of who they really are, or motivated by hating who they really are and desiring to be something/someone else. The "independence" is simply a symptom.



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