As witnessed with Dear Soulmate: A Missive, finding a soulmate can be difficult, a labor of patience. But that patience can be rewarded, as it rewarded ScepticalSoulmate and Cheeriosoo. The problem that faces many Minglers though is distance. And many are understandably wary of Long Distance Relationships (LDRs, for short). This poses a serious quandary for those here truly in search of a soulmate.

So, if you found someone you really liked here on Mingle, would you move?

What would you be willing to do if you found your soulmate? Would you risk losing him or her just because of distance? Or would you find a way to make it work?

I already know my answer.

This isn't my first go-around on Mingle. I've been in an LDR before. It doesn't scare me....but it is tough. Very tough. And after investing a lot into that relationship, I lost it because life got in the way. It hurt....A LOT. This time around, I'm not willing to let that happen again. I'll do everything I can to make it work because I'm going to lose another great catch.

Simply put....I would move.

How many of you would do the same? Even if it meant financial hardship? How far are you willing to go?

No. I would not uproot my child's life in search of love. I would move if I had the finance and desire to live in a new place, but chasing love would not be enough motivation for me at this point in life. Ive been there, done that. and I truly dont think that, for me, a very substantial relationship can be built over a long distance, and certainly not substantial enough to move for.

You raise 2 good points, Msharmony.

#1) Consideration for existing children

#2) If you've already had a great and satisfying love in your life, would you necessarily have the same motivation and determination for finding another soulmate?

Obviously, #2 will change from person to person. Some will feel there is no sense trying to recapture or replace what they've already had because that's an impossible expectation to have. Therefore, other considerations may take precedent instead.

Granted, age is another factor....but I've already seen middle-aged people on Mingle make the big move. So, that's going to different for each person too.

Thankfully, I don't have much to tie me down right now. Sure, my family has lived in CT for nearly 400 years, so there's a lot of history here. But that's about it.

PS -
I know Msharmony did not mention any past relationship. But what she said did spark the thought in my head that people who did have such a relationship might follow the same sort of reasoning as Msharmony described.

Yes. it is different when one is only affecting oneself. I may have done it when I was young and childless.

I don't know if I'd move. I don't have kids or family to tie me down. It depends on how much I like where I live and how much I like the person.

I would move to most places if it was a good match, and I didn't have to work.

If in a long distance relationship for sometime which included several meetings such as long holidays in order to date and to get to know each other better, and where I felt we had both fallen in love with each other, then I would certainly move to be with her. However, for me that would take time, I wouldn't just upsticks and move. It would be a step towards marriage because I would need to feel that certain she was "the one".

I'd move, if I was absolutely convinced it was the right man and the right thing. Meaning I wouldn't do it just like that, I'd take my time to think & feel things through before I would.

I've moved in the past when I was still looking through rose coloured glasses. Pretty soon after the move it got clear it wasn't going to work, but then I was stuck, no house to go back to.
I won't easily do that again, give up on my own home. Getting another rental takes years these days.

And if I was to move in with a man I want legal security that he cannot simply throw me out when it suits him. Lived like that for 10 years, being threatened regularly to be thrown out. Not ever going there again.

Meaning if I am to give up on my home, make a huge compromise for love, he will have to do so too.

As for me i would not move. I've had some friendships that were hours drive away. In my case they eventually turn into just pen pals because of the distance.

If I had the money to move I would and to be able to move back if it didn't work out. You can feel you have found the "right" one at the beginning of a relationship but you don't really know someone until you have lived with them. I think some sort of trial living together would be a good idea to protect both parties if one found it wasn't for them.

Answering the part "move for someone from here..."
No.
Not looking to moving to another country. Too difficult to overcome cultural difference, not just between the couple but also for me in another country.
That's not inflexible due to age, my girl found out the hard way the Dutch & Americans are not all that compatible. She was convinced it would, had always dreamed of going to the States. But she found very early on they're too different, their views, opinions, norms & values, perspective, way of understanding things, humour and so on.
She was withering, no friends as it just doesn't compute, whereas over here she always had -and has again- tons of friends.

That's just 1 example. I think ppl tend to underestimate this aspect.
I'm sticking to a man from my own country & culture :)

So move for someone from here, nope.
Move for a man -within my country-, yes. If it absolutely felt right.

I think,it takes quite a strong man/woman to move,given all the cons of the uproot and the pros!
BUT,
When something is real and feels right,then yeah,i'd take the jump!
Its the almost like moving to another country for work..everything is different,but so many do it!!
In this dotcom era,one can keep in touch with family and friends every day! And friends are made...and can be made anywhere,old friends can be kept too!! And one more new destination for friends to check out

Yes, I would move for someone from here or if I meet someone in my travels. Mostly because I'm in the position to do so. It makes more sense for me to move than for him to move to where I am, when there is a "him" that is.

There's nothing binding me to the Florida Keys, and my sons live in different cities in Michigan... I left the Keys due to hurricane Irma last year and will be traveling over the next couple years doing seasonal work. I can go back to the family home in the Keys anytime I need tropical weather, lol. I might decide to go back to Traverse City in a year or two, to be closer to my sons, but if I chose to settle somewhere else I can still visit like I am now.

I prefer to stay in this country but would be open to moving to another country as well.

For the point is moot.. all of it.

No one here is serious for one..

For two.. I don't believe in soulmates.. best friends, yes.

Three, once they learned about ME, it would be done.

I know many on Mingle would not move, for one reason or another. But that's why I created this thread: so people looking for that special someone -- and who may have found a few people of interest -- could read all the pros and cons various people consider. It might change their own minds, or they might realize something they hadn't yet considered.

One of the great things about not having the money immediately (like myself) is that one can take the time to get the other person before committing to such a big step. I'm about to start a good job. It will probably be 6 months before I can afford a trip. Longer before I could afford a move. But I've been in an LDR, as I mentioned. There are ways that people can bridge the gap, become very close -- almost intimate even. That closeness is what makes distance wear one down.

But my mom always said I was unique... Not sure what she meant though.

Re: Distsance, and moving..
Gang, I'm cuorious if this is just oh so much BS..
(This is from *another* site, NOT *this* one)


So, this guy I had been sporadically chatting with informs me he's met someone...
(mentioned how guys *I'm* running across think 30 miles is too far, much less several states away)
Given some of the detail in his replies..I'm curious if YOU guys think he's talking to a scammer..
Some things seem that way...some not, like, she's paying for her own plane ticket..
(P.S. here we are agin with someone else who claims most womren are drug users or drinkers..what circles do these guys hang in?)

But, I'll let you read and decide..:


" I was honestly surprised when she said that she wanted to meet me, then seriously asked the question and actually bought the airfare. Now i'm getting nervous as the days count down, and while its 3 weeks away, i feel like the stove top is on. All i can figure is that maybe this was an answer to prayer, as her and i were both praying for the right one, and even at the same time, then she wrote me. Still this date hasn't happened yet so there will be much to learn and soon after her arrival."


" WHere i live, men outnumber women, and the women that are single are not always, but commonly pill or meth heads which means you can date them every time they're out of jail, but don;t have to worry about a long term sentence as that judge lets 99% of everyone walk anyway. Its 27 miles for me just to hit the city limit sign in Xxxxxxville, so 30 is nothing for me. I was just looking up profiles in California because sometimes there is truth to a song and then to my surprise only hours after viewing the profile of a gorgeous cowgirl she wrote me. And it started from there. She made sure i knew that her and her horses were a package deal and that wasn't an issue for me since i love animals and horses, dogs and chickens too. This whole thing has been a shock to me because i never expected it to happen. More than once i've gone 50 miles or more, for a date that didn't show up "

Okay, not quite enough info....but a few things jump out.

#1 -- He still doesn't feel like he knows this woman. His bad. That's trouble right there.

#2 -- She's on her way in 3 weeks, but she has horses... I smell BS. She wouldn't just pack up the horses that quickly. Sounds like she's not planning to stay.

#3 -- A scammer trick is to visit, steal, then return home before being caught. Or to have someone else rob house and home, then send back the money for a percentage.

actionlynx...

Maybe the 3 weeks is time to find someone to watch her horses while she is gone..
I didn't gather she is moving this trip...that this is a meetimng trip.

But..
"to my surprise only hours after viewing the profile of a gorgeous cowgirl she wrote me. And it started from there."

Call me a cynic..but...
He's not anything much to look at (that a "gorgeous cowgirl" from California would want him above all others)..he's cute, but nerdy...our conversations have been about cerebral things mainly, but from the chatting I have done..*I'd* go out with him..see if we click.

Nah...I'm not jealous..
Just generally mystifed that someone who has only been on that site for a coule months has already (apparently) met someone wonderful...who's willing to come to see him..
He**...like i said..most *I* talk to think anything more than 30 miles is "too far"..I won't even look more than 150 miles away myself.
Most people I talk to are having just as shi**y luck as *I* am...

I already did it but with a woman on DH I 'thought' was my soulmate.
I left Mississippi and moved to NW Pennsylvania.
We lived together for 14 months up there and I couldn't take the cold winters.
We moved back down to Mississippi and were broke up in 3 months and she went back North. I'm figuring she didn't have the same definition of "soulmate". I'm in a 2 bdrm apartment now because we had to have space for both of our belongings.

I would move away again for love but I would have to really want to be in that area for my own reasons and I would have to live in my own 1 bdrm apartment. She would also need to demonstrate 'soulmate' love and dedication to me in return. Meaning we would need to stay together despite hardships and challenges (hard to do in LDR).

For me to 'move' anywhere (even down the street) I will need some help.
I'm not healthy enough for that job anymore. I've moved my family many times over the years and its a lot of work. I used to take long roadtrips but now I get fatigued driving 25 miles.

Right now, my entire household is equipped for two. I even maintain food and supplies for two. The 2nd bedroom is the 'catch-all' and it is filling up. If she wanted to move here, I'm ready.

Still, if we're talking about a real soulmate, its not right for me to expect her to give up her possessions to move in with me. Each of us would have to be willing to abandon some of our possessions.
Also, each of us would have to be willing to cover 1/2 of the bills.
I'm on fixed income. The woman I moved here with was on fixed income.
Together we had plenty of money. Our utility bills were higher with the two of us but since we shared everything, we actually had more money to ourselves.

People make decisions on pipe dreams. In reality, love doesn't fix all problems or pay the bills. Life still happens.
In deciding to move for love, I need to understand the reality of the move.
If the reality is feasible, I would move.
I will never abandon myself for love again but I will commit to another for love beyond my possessions. I don't plan to but the thing about love is we do things when in love that we normally wouldn't do while alone.
I won't ask my soulmate to sacrifice anything I am not prepared to sacrifice myself.

If someone wanted me to give up my critters and garden and what not..they are NOT the person for me..
If you love someone, you want them to be happy, and for me to be happy I need to live in the country, have some land (doesn't need to be much..I only have 1 1/2 acres right now), a garden, critters...be in nature..
Someone who wasn't into that....didn't share that vision/ didn't like that lifestyle...it simply wouldn't work..

*I* certainly wouldn't ask, nor expect someone who wasn't into what I was to change their ways and conform to mine...and they shouldn't expect me to.

Ideally, I would meet someone who already has a place like I do..and we can combine them, or pick a different place together.
But even then, I am enough of a cynic that i would want to make sure the new place had my name on it, and was something i could afford on my own, if everything went to ****...

I have owned my own place since 1985 (different places), and have NO desire to be at the whim/ mercy of someone by moving into *their* place..they could kick me out anytime, and...where would I be then?

True..it could go both ways, but..I am *way* more picky about who I let come into *my* place than a lot of guys are apparently about who they let come to theirs...from what I have read..