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| Topic: Would you move? | |
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I already did it but with a woman on DH I 'thought' was my soulmate. I left Mississippi and moved to NW Pennsylvania. We lived together for 14 months up there and I couldn't take the cold winters. We moved back down to Mississippi and were broke up in 3 months and she went back North. I'm figuring she didn't have the same definition of "soulmate". I'm in a 2 bdrm apartment now because we had to have space for both of our belongings. I would move away again for love but I would have to really want to be in that area for my own reasons and I would have to live in my own 1 bdrm apartment. She would also need to demonstrate 'soulmate' love and dedication to me in return. Meaning we would need to stay together despite hardships and challenges (hard to do in LDR). For me to 'move' anywhere (even down the street) I will need some help. I'm not healthy enough for that job anymore. I've moved my family many times over the years and its a lot of work. I used to take long roadtrips but now I get fatigued driving 25 miles. Right now, my entire household is equipped for two. I even maintain food and supplies for two. The 2nd bedroom is the 'catch-all' and it is filling up. If she wanted to move here, I'm ready. Still, if we're talking about a real soulmate, its not right for me to expect her to give up her possessions to move in with me. Each of us would have to be willing to abandon some of our possessions. Also, each of us would have to be willing to cover 1/2 of the bills. I'm on fixed income. The woman I moved here with was on fixed income. Together we had plenty of money. Our utility bills were higher with the two of us but since we shared everything, we actually had more money to ourselves. People make decisions on pipe dreams. In reality, love doesn't fix all problems or pay the bills. Life still happens. In deciding to move for love, I need to understand the reality of the move. If the reality is feasible, I would move. I will never abandon myself for love again but I will commit to another for love beyond my possessions. I don't plan to but the thing about love is we do things when in love that we normally wouldn't do while alone. I won't ask my soulmate to sacrifice anything I am not prepared to sacrifice myself. If someone wanted me to give up my critters and garden and what not..they are NOT the person for me.. If you love someone, you want them to be happy, and for me to be happy I need to live in the country, have some land (doesn't need to be much..I only have 1 1/2 acres right now), a garden, critters...be in nature.. Someone who wasn't into that....didn't share that vision/ didn't like that lifestyle...it simply wouldn't work.. *I* certainly wouldn't ask, nor expect someone who wasn't into what I was to change their ways and conform to mine...and they shouldn't expect me to. Ideally, I would meet someone who already has a place like I do..and we can combine them, or pick a different place together. But even then, I am enough of a cynic that i would want to make sure the new place had my name on it, and was something i could afford on my own, if everything went to ****... I have owned my own place since 1985 (different places), and have NO desire to be at the whim/ mercy of someone by moving into *their* place..they could kick me out anytime, and...where would I be then? True..it could go both ways, but..I am *way* more picky about who I let come into *my* place than a lot of guys are apparently about who they let come to theirs...from what I have read.. I agree, when we decided on the place where I live now, one of my requirements to sign the lease was that I could afford to pay the costs by myself. In my particular situation, I was with a woman that was living with her children's family. She possessed very little and had little say with her living arrangements. She grew homesick and we agreed that she should go back home because she was unhappy. I even sent some of her stuff back to her daughter's house after she left. LOL, she still emails me and tells me she wishes she hadn't moved away. But, I won't go backwards, she is gone, it wasn't soulmate. I was wrong. The way I see it, if its soulmate love, there are no limits to the sacrifices I would be willing to make to be with her and likewise for her with me. The sacrifices however, would not be lop-sided. Both of us would make sacrifices but hopefully we would both be intelligent (wise) enough to not make poor decisions while considering which sacrifices we make. |
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If someone wanted me to give up my critters and garden and what not..they are NOT the person for me.. If you love someone, you want them to be happy, and for me to be happy I need to live in the country, have some land (doesn't need to be much..I only have 1 1/2 acres right now), a garden, critters...be in nature.. Someone who wasn't into that....didn't share that vision/ didn't like that lifestyle...it simply wouldn't work.. *I* certainly wouldn't ask, nor expect someone who wasn't into what I was to change their ways and conform to mine...and they shouldn't expect me to. Ideally, I would meet someone who already has a place like I do..and we can combine them, or pick a different place together. But even then, I am enough of a cynic that i would want to make sure the new place had my name on it, and was something i could afford on my own, if everything went to ****... I have owned my own place since 1985 (different places), and have NO desire to be at the whim/ mercy of someone by moving into *their* place..they could kick me out anytime, and...where would I be then? True..it could go both ways, but..I am *way* more picky about who I let come into *my* place than a lot of guys are apparently about who they let come to theirs...from what I have read.. Except for a few items, you just laid out much of my own thinking. As for your previous posts, it sounds like that other guy is getting his hopes too high too quickly. He makes it sound like she's planning to stay, but like you said, it may just be a meet-and-greet. So my point was really that he's not being cautious enough. For instance, did he talk with her on the phone? Did he ever do any cam-2-cam? Has he ever exchanged any photos or videos of the places he goes or the things he likes to do? Or is he just going on emails alone? There are many steps to protecting oneself on dating sites while also furthering a potential relationship. He appears to be placing cart before the proverbial horse. |
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I think what is being forgotten is the OP assumption that "soulmate" has already been established.
There's a whole series of events that has to happen for someone to consider anyone a "soulmate" and relocate to be with that person. While we might feel someone is a "soulmate" and move to be with them, there are consequences for our incorrect assumptions. A wisdom I had to learn by experience. Poor choices from ignorance helps us to make wise choices from experience. If no wisdom is gained we are doomed to repeat our mistakes until we learn or die, whichever comes first. Knowledge is understanding. Intelligence is the capacity to process knowledge. Smart is the ability to apply knowledge and intelligence which provides wisdom. Wisdom is practical knowledge. The first step in this scenario is to establish a 'soulmate' relationship. Then to use knowledge, intelligence and wisdom to make smart choices. There are very few true "win-win" scenarios. There is nearly always a sacrifice involved. If the sacrifices are greater than the win, a poor choice. If the win is greater than the sacrifice, a smart choice. The trick is to choose wisely. |
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Very astute, Tom. That was indeed intentional.
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Depends on the man, and where He lives I maybe willing to move.
Only if he lived in three States where I wouldn't mind living. Plus it has to be in USA. |
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Thanx, man.
Sometimes I wonder if what I understand can be understood by others. Feedback like yours helps me to know that I am not as crazy as I think others see me. Its nice to know that I articulate my thoughts and intelligent people understand them. |
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Personally, I don't really like the area where I live right now. I'm used to being in a more rural area with more distance between neighbors.
Plus I've long considered moving out of this state. It's getting too expensive and too many people seem uptight. So I actually wouldn't mind a chance to move elsewhere. Sure, I'm a little wary about having to start over with friends and such, but that's just part of life. |
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Personally, I don't really like the area where I live right now. I'm used to being in a more rural area with more distance between neighbors. Plus I've long considered moving out of this state. It's getting too expensive and too many people seem uptight. So I actually wouldn't mind a chance to move elsewhere. Sure, I'm a little wary about having to start over with friends and such, but that's just part of life. I'd *readily* relocate.. I have no particular love or affection for the area I am in.. I am not as rural as I *used* to be...and want to be further out in the boonies again... |
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I would have considered relocating to live near someone, not that long ago. The end of last year, I moved into a new house, so it's not practical anymore to think about moving again.
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I don't blame you. If I had just bought a house, my thinking would be much different too.
In fact, because I'm starting a new job next week, I know that I wouldn't be able to move right away. Even if I had the money right now, I would still have to wait at least 6 months. Otherwise I would lose out on any personal benefit from the new job, like training, experience, resume-building, etc. |
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I don't blame you. If I had just bought a house, my thinking would be much different too. In fact, because I'm starting a new job next week, I know that I wouldn't be able to move right away. Even if I had the money right now, I would still have to wait at least 6 months. Otherwise I would lose out on any personal benefit from the new job, like training, experience, resume-building, etc. Yep.. I had a long term relationship go bad because of that. I had JUST bought a house, and started a new job when the guy got his dream job teaching at a college....500 miles away..(when you work in acedemia, you put your resume out all over the place..) I didn't want to move again right away..and, like you...we decided to give it 6 months..see if he liked it there...and then i would see about relocating. We did the back and forth thing for a while...but it slowly dwindled.. He had tried to find a teaching job closer...we had tried looking several hours away (withuin 150 miles)...but no luck.. I've gotten over people giving me sh** about it..."you should have moved, sold your house ..you must not have loved him enough..."..blah blah.. The can go pound sand... Life is hard sometimes, and sometimes you do what you *think* is best...and only later on do you realize you should have done it differently.. But no one is given that information upfront unfortunately...we make the best decison we can based on what we know at the time... Funny dat...the hypocrites *never* said he shouldn't have accepted that job if he really loved me.... It's always the woman who should follow the man, in their opinion... 
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Interesting thing about myself...
When I was in high school, my life plan was to be semi-retired at age 40. The idea was that *I* would be the stay-at-home parent. I wanted to be an author. So if I could publish a few novels, with at least one being a bestseller, then I would work at home. I would take the kids to school, write during the day, and be around for the kids after school. That way my (envisioned) wife would not have to sacrifice her career or ambitions for the sake of having a family. That's the simplified version. Obviously I had more thought put into it. Point is, once I reached high school age, I didn't buy into any of that "women must make all the sacrifices" bullcrap. If I love someone, I want her to be happy. If that means being free to pursue a career she loves, then so be it. If it means not being tied down to a place so I can follow her to her new job, then again, so be it. It's just how I personally have always thought. And I've always known that I was also an exception to the general school of thought. |
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I would have to be sure that the person I was moving to be with would be someone that I would be comfortable with seeing for the rest of my life and someone that would not have a problem with me being around all the time.
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