Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: First Date - who pays?
jrbogie Joined Sat 03/01/08 Posts: 2490	Sat 12/03/11 05:21 AM Edited by jrbogie on Sat 12/03/11 05:23 AM
I went on a date last week, and suggested in a round about way that we go "dutch" on the movie we decided to see...she seemed a little surprised but then was adamant about paying for the movie tickets while I paid for the pop and popcorn. Who should pay on a first date? Man? Woman? or split?....oh yeah - there hasn't been a second date :( i can understand why the no second date. i always pay. like theas easy questions.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 12/03/11 05:24 PM
I thought this was a interesting post and was curious as to what others thought. Ladies, do you believe that if you offer to pay, that's the only reason a guy will want to date you? Men, if a woman offers to pay, is that the only reason you'd date them? For both the ladies and men, do you think paying for the first few dates is the way men show interest? It is interesting to see that some ladies will lose interest if he does not step up and pay, though. I guess in the end, it comes down to whether money is important or not. Hmmmm...I never thought about the money in terms of "meaning". I always offer to go dutch in the beginning because I don't know what their financial situation is. I figure it's easiest to each pay in the beginning since we're just getting to know each other and not sure where things are going. And yes, financial situation can be part of it, as I have no clue what his is, so I don't expect him to spend money on me.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Sat 12/03/11 05:28 PM
I thought this was a interesting post and was curious as to what others thought. Ladies, do you believe that if you offer to pay, that's the only reason a guy will want to date you? Men, if a woman offers to pay, is that the only reason you'd date them? For both the ladies and men, do you think paying for the first few dates is the way men show interest? It is interesting to see that some ladies will lose interest if he does not step up and pay, though. I guess in the end, it comes down to whether money is important or not. Hmmmm...I never thought about the money in terms of "meaning". I always offer to go dutch in the beginning because I don't know what their financial situation is. I figure it's easiest to each pay in the beginning since we're just getting to know each other and not sure where things are going. And yes, financial situation can be part of it, as I have no clue what his is, so I don't expect him to spend money on me. Exactly.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 12/03/11 05:30 PM


sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 12/03/11 05:39 PM
no - it's just not safe, unfortunately, to go to man's home until you have a chance to get to know him that has far more to with that idea than the economy well maybe the restaurants will serve chips and ketchup I'll take two 50 cent meal deals please no thanks I have to paint my toenails tonight

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 12/03/11 05:41 PM
whoever does the asking does the paying,,,, exactly

mg1959 Joined Thu 04/05/07 Posts: 7872	Sat 12/03/11 05:45 PM
no - it's just not safe, unfortunately, to go to man's home until you have a chance to get to know him that has far more to with that idea than the economy well maybe the restaurants will serve chips and ketchup I'll take two 50 cent meal deals please no thanks I have to paint my toenails tonight A likely story. OK, chips for one. again

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 12/03/11 05:47 PM
It's just been an accepted thing that a guy pays unless he can't afford to. Then that must mean he might have problems in his life he should take care of first before seeking a relationship. I know I took out a friend for work for his birthday cause his checks go to child support but I would never date a guy like that cause he can't be there for me if I need him. I've been in relationships where money is a struggle and it always ends badly in the end so it's better to be without the relationship than to be in one that eventually goes miserable you said it perfectly, I agree

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 12/03/11 05:48 PM
no - it's just not safe, unfortunately, to go to man's home until you have a chance to get to know him that has far more to with that idea than the economy well maybe the restaurants will serve chips and ketchup I'll take two 50 cent meal deals please no thanks I have to paint my toenails tonight A likely story. OK, chips for one. again

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 12/03/11 05:50 PM
no - it's just not safe, unfortunately, to go to man's home until you have a chance to get to know him that has far more to with that idea than the economy well maybe the restaurants will serve chips and ketchup I'll take two 50 cent meal deals please no thanks I have to paint my toenails tonight Do you expect a guy to spend a certain amount of money on you for a first date?

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 12/03/11 05:50 PM Edited by singmesweet on Sat 12/03/11 05:52 PM
It's just been an accepted thing that a guy pays unless he can't afford to. Then that must mean he might have problems in his life he should take care of first before seeking a relationship. I know I took out a friend for work for his birthday cause his checks go to child support but I would never date a guy like that cause he can't be there for me if I need him. I've been in relationships where money is a struggle and it always ends badly in the end so it's better to be without the relationship than to be in one that eventually goes miserable you said it perfectly, I agree I guess this may be important if you're looking for a guy to take care of you down the road and looking to make sure he has the means to do so.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 12/03/11 06:31 PM
It's just been an accepted thing that a guy pays unless he can't afford to. Then that must mean he might have problems in his life he should take care of first before seeking a relationship. I know I took out a friend for work for his birthday cause his checks go to child support but I would never date a guy like that cause he can't be there for me if I need him. I've been in relationships where money is a struggle and it always ends badly in the end so it's better to be without the relationship than to be in one that eventually goes miserable you said it perfectly, I agree I guess this may be important if you're looking for a guy to take care of you down the road and looking to make sure he has the means to do so. Im sure there are some who think about that, but I think about whether he can take care of himself down the road. He needs the means to do that if we are to have a successful relationship in my book. exactly - plus that he is not scamming you in some way with requests for money - pretty tacky as well as suspicious - "in my book" becasue these are personal preferences/opinions. there is no right or wrong here also being a divorcee' gives me a different perspective than someone never married - that is something that a younger never married woman may not consider....so each POV is unique with its own reasons

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 12/03/11 06:50 PM
It's just been an accepted thing that a guy pays unless he can't afford to. Then that must mean he might have problems in his life he should take care of first before seeking a relationship. I know I took out a friend for work for his birthday cause his checks go to child support but I would never date a guy like that cause he can't be there for me if I need him. I've been in relationships where money is a struggle and it always ends badly in the end so it's better to be without the relationship than to be in one that eventually goes miserable you said it perfectly, I agree I guess this may be important if you're looking for a guy to take care of you down the road and looking to make sure he has the means to do so. Im sure there are some who think about that, but I think about whether he can take care of himself down the road. He needs the means to do that, at least, if we are to have a successful relationship, in my book. Yes, I'd want to know that a guy could support himself as well. Though, a guy doesn't have to pay for me in order to prove that he's able to support/take care of himself. Paying for himself would show that just fine for me.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 12/03/11 06:52 PM Edited by singmesweet on Sat 12/03/11 06:54 PM
It's just been an accepted thing that a guy pays unless he can't afford to. Then that must mean he might have problems in his life he should take care of first before seeking a relationship. I know I took out a friend for work for his birthday cause his checks go to child support but I would never date a guy like that cause he can't be there for me if I need him. I've been in relationships where money is a struggle and it always ends badly in the end so it's better to be without the relationship than to be in one that eventually goes miserable you said it perfectly, I agree I guess this may be important if you're looking for a guy to take care of you down the road and looking to make sure he has the means to do so. Im sure there are some who think about that, but I think about whether he can take care of himself down the road. He needs the means to do that if we are to have a successful relationship in my book. exactly - plus that he is not scamming you in some way with requests for money - pretty tacky as well as suspicious - "in my book" becasue these are personal preferences/opinions. there is no right or wrong here also being a divorcee' gives me a different perspective than someone never married - that is something that a younger never married woman may not consider....so each POV is unique with its own reasons How is each paying for their own a request for money or a scam? Besides, I hear so many men whining about gold diggers. What better way to show them quickly than to go dutch? I would imagine a golddigger would never go for that. I don't see how this has to do with whether someone has been married and divorced or not.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Sat 12/03/11 06:56 PM Edited by Ruth34611 on Sat 12/03/11 06:57 PM


Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Sat 12/03/11 06:57 PM Edited by Ruth34611 on Sat 12/03/11 06:57 PM
We are talking about the first date, right? Of course it's important to make sure that you don't become involved with someone who can't support themself. But, going dutch in the beginning doesn't make a statement about your finances at all. And, paying for your own dinner is hardly a scam.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 12/03/11 07:09 PM
perhaps not but yes, it very well could be - especially online and as I have never had a man ask me to pay, I really can't worry about it we all seek our comfort levels. those who can do so with out being judgemental seem more secure to me. I mean it just seems very odd that this is really an issue anyway I mean who the flock really cares. I don't once again we are all entitled to out preferences and opinions but I would not go on a date with a man who asked for money on a first date that he invited me to - tacky

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 12/03/11 07:10 PM
no - it's just not safe, unfortunately, to go to man's home until you have a chance to get to know him that has far more to with that idea than the economy well maybe the restaurants will serve chips and ketchup I'll take two 50 cent meal deals please no thanks I have to paint my toenails tonight Do you expect a guy to spend a certain amount of money on you for a first date? why do u ask? are u planning on dating me? just kidding

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 12/03/11 07:25 PM
It's just been an accepted thing that a guy pays unless he can't afford to. Then that must mean he might have problems in his life he should take care of first before seeking a relationship. I know I took out a friend for work for his birthday cause his checks go to child support but I would never date a guy like that cause he can't be there for me if I need him. I've been in relationships where money is a struggle and it always ends badly in the end so it's better to be without the relationship than to be in one that eventually goes miserable you said it perfectly, I agree I guess this may be important if you're looking for a guy to take care of you down the road and looking to make sure he has the means to do so. Im sure there are some who think about that, but I think about whether he can take care of himself down the road. He needs the means to do that, at least, if we are to have a successful relationship, in my book. Yes, I'd want to know that a guy could support himself as well. Though, a guy doesn't have to pay for me in order to prove that he's able to support/take care of himself. Paying for himself would show that just fine for me. Yes, but the first post in this particular strand of quotes outlines something different. Well, if he can't afford to pay for himself, then we can do something free. If he has money issues, it will become apparent fairly quickly.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 12/03/11 07:27 PM
perhaps not but yes, it very well could be - especially online and as I have never had a man ask me to pay, I really can't worry about it we all seek our comfort levels. those who can do so with out being judgemental seem more secure to me. I mean it just seems very odd that this is really an issue anyway I mean who the flock really cares. I don't once again we are all entitled to out preferences and opinions but I would not go on a date with a man who asked for money on a first date that he invited me to - tacky As stated before, I've never had a man ask me to pay either. Me offering to pay my share is quite different than him asking for money. So, I haven no clue where this scam comes into play that you keep mentioning. Of course we're all entitled to our own opinions. That would be why people are discussing different opinions here.