Good Morning Dr. Luv...., I have a small issue here Doctor and I really need your help...,my frist ex-wife contacted my second ex-wife and there planning a birthday party for me. There not awear that I have some awkward knowledge of what there planning. Well Doctor I was just wondering with your opinion of course if I should attend this event ?

I would advise moving to another state and leaving no traces.

not no but hell no nothin good could come of it

Best advice!!!!!! They're up to no good!!! Run Forrest, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya better Listen to them look!!!!!!!! as sure as I am standing here they are both up ta something!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONLINE LIVE with Turtle...ty for calling.................

He said, "luvlessdoc",

Ok,

now about your question.

I dont normally use "smileys" here, because this IS a radio show.

Butt............

I JUST EXPLAINED TO THAT OTHER IDIOT, THAT I DONT HAVE A FRIGGEN CRYSTAL BALL!!!

YOU REALLY ARE DEAF, ARENT YOU?

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHIT, THATS RIGHT,

TURTLES CANT HEAR!!

So i'll ATTEMPT to show you this, with pictures!!!!

Of course, YOU wont be able to see them,

BUT I WILL!!!!!

I am going to pretend, that your balls, are made of crystal, and bust them now........




A CRYSTAL BALL.

YA GOT THAT?

HOW ABOUT THIS?

I DONT HAVE A USELESS CRYSTAL BALL!!!

THEY SUCK!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!!! THEY SUCK!!

THEY ARE

CACA, DODO, PIECES OF CRAP, PATOOOOOOOOEY, SNOT, GARBAGE, BULLCHIT, AND A TOTAL WASTE OF MY HARD EARNED MONEY,

ANSWERING QUESTIONS FROM HELL,

DAY, AFTER DAY, AFTER DAY, AFTER DAY.............................












AND TAKING YOUR CALLS, ONLINE, LIVE,(oops sorry)now.............

LIVE with grim14U.........ty for your call.............

DO I LOOK THAT OLD?!?!

I was not here in the "Just Say Hi" era.

I am, but yet, a spring chicken,

STILL waiting to be fuc I mean plucked, by someone on the other side of the country.

Im fresh, like a "spring daisy on a country lane".

I do believe, you have me confused, with another person.

And I would find it impossible, to believe, there is ANYONE out there even remotely close to me, except Ujgearhead!!

Or,

you've seem me, on another dating site.

This IS highly possibly,

since I am on 6 dating websites!

Yes, I said, "6".



Although, "Ghostrider" does sound familiar,

but,seeing as I ride Harleys,

thats a VERY POPULAR biker name.



PLEASE, dont get hurt, if I dont remember you, exactly.

I dont even know,

what the date is today.....



including the year.
















and taking YOUR calls LIVE and ONLINE..............................

Dear Dr. Luv,

I would like to know why i get along with most of the guys? They appear friendly like a wingman but why dont these chicks(my age) doesnt stick to me? Is it because they are too shy or is it cuz i dont have brains?

ONLIVE with Docbiotch....................ty for your calls...



I have nothing????










And taking YOUR calls NOW...........................................

You missed that post.

*patiently waits for his turn*

Hey there Doc boitch

somethin tells me your feeling love in the air

ONLINE with Mowtown........always love your calls............

First

And "thank you", for buying the "SpongeBob Coochie Sponge", from our sponsors.

Thats what keeps me ONLINE LIVE, ya know?




Ok,

Im gonna take a shot at this.



I think im getting "your drift",

about it being stuck, in her "mailbox", hehe.

If you look CLOSELY at the packaging,

in very fine print,

you will see,

that it DOES SAY...



*"If your coochie is of medium size, (a babies being small, and a womans being large), the "SpongeBob Coochie Sponge", could get lodged in your coochie!

NOT recommended for pubescent teens.



So im guessing, that your girlfriend is,

*Doc speaking very quietly*

well, you know????

A pubes....

*The director motions "shut up to Docluv*

WHAT???

Ooooooooooooooooo,

my bad,

I almost told the entire country,

that your a grown man,

and your girlfriend is OBVIOUSLY a pubes....



















And im taking YOUR calls LIVE an ONLINE..............................

Dear Ash Cub,
I'm a girl (not your age) and i like you just fine.

Doc

ONLINE LIVE with Alookat....a very frequent caller...ty for your calls..........................................................

This is what you do.

Now follow me closely,

o.k?


If you can pull this off, its brilliant!



You start dropping hints, to BOTH of your ex wives,

that you have ALWAYS wanted a "Costume Birthday Party",

since your too old to "Trick or Treat",

and the whole bar scene, sucks!

MAKE SURE, you mention it SEVERAL times, to both of them, so they definitely get the hint!!!

If I am correct,,(and I always am), they will then throw you a surprise, "Costume Birthday Party".

Are you still with me???

Ok,

now you go to a costume shop in town,

(just look in the phone book, they are everywhere),

and RENT a costume, that totally covers you.

Like a "Tony the Tiger", or "Barney", something that covers your ENTIRE body!

THATS VERY IMPORTANT!!

Now,

on the day of the party, wait till all THE GUESTS, AND PRESENTS, AND FOOD, AND BITCWOMAN, have arrived.

Then,

you go into the party,

and no one knows who you are.

You begin to SLOWLY get each birthday present, and take them to your car, until you have them all.

Then you can eat, and drink, all that you want,

avoid hearing, tone deaf people, sing "Happy Birthday" to you,

AND you can select the hottest bitcWOMAN, at the party,

and take her home!!

Once there, you can have "hot, sweaty, wild monkey sex, including bungee cords, and duct tape,

AND

eat,

drink,

AND,

score all the presents!

Good luck with that!



*Docluv yelling at her staff*

I TOLD YOU GUYS "NO MORE CALLS" FROM THIS WACKO!!

SEE, LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO TO HIM!!!



OMG,

he is soooooooo gonna f!!k this up!

What I wouldnt give,

for a camera,

when they bust him,

trying to steal the presents!

Muuuuuuuuuuuhahahahahha!

That'll teach you Alookat!























And taking YOUR calls LIVE and ONLINE...............................

AMATEURS, AMATEURS!!

Dont listen to them!

I have your answer Alookat.

ONLINE LIVE with Ash...ty for your call......................

Your asking MEthis question,

so you OBVIOUSLY have brains,

or you wouldnt be smart enough,

to figure out,

that I AM THE ANSWER GODDESS, AND NO ONE KNOWS MORE THEN ME!



So, with that in mind,

I would suggest that you get naked,

and cover yourself in glue.

(You can send me a pic, so I can tell you if your doing it right).



Then,

not only will the "chicks your age" stick to you,

but everything else will, as well.











And taking YOUR calls LIVE and ONLINE.............................

And now a word from our sponsors....................................




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We are NOT selling enough of them..................................

I know we dont always wanna talk about it,

but it is very embarrassing.

It doesnt make you feel sexy,

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Of course we're talking about..........

Feminine odor.






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Dont believe us!! Heres a longtime user of the "SpongeBob Coochie Sponge", to share her story.....



I......Co, co, co could....ne.......ver get r, r, rid of my un.........ple, plea, plea, plea, plea.....

*The cue card man* UNPLEASANT, GEEEEEEEEZ, THIS IS NOT THAT HARD OF A WORD!!!

un plea, plea, plea, pleasant smell. Then........I, I, I, used the "Bobbing Sponge",

*The director* ITS "THE SPONGEBOB COOCHIE SPONGE" YOU IDIOT!!!

Sorry.....the "Spongebob Coochie Sponge",

And now, I dont smell like tuna???

*The Director* TUNA???
WHERE IN THE HELL DID YOU GET TUNA!
NOOOOOO! THE LINE IS... "NOW I FEEL FRESH LIKE A SPRING DAISY ON A COUNTRY LANE, DAMNIT!!!!!"

O, o, ok....now I smell like a, a, a, flower on a road.

*The Director* YOUR FIRED!

GETTTTTTTTTTTT OUTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

GET ME ANOTHER COOCHIE CHICK TO DO THIS COMMERCIAL NOW!!!!

JUST ROLL THE REST OF THE COMMERCIAL!




Use your credit card, and call now...1-800-COO-CHIE,

and get your new" SpongeBob Coochie Sponge" today, AT THE AMAZINGLY LOW PRICE OF $9.95!

THATS 1-800-COO-CHIE!!
or send $9.95 to...

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CALL NOW, AND CLEAN THAT COOCHIE!

Dr Dr Luv,

You gonna hire a switchboard operator? Your calls come in way faster than you can answer them.

From,
A caring fan