Hmm, guess I must not get how relationships work. I have no problem discussing anything but I could never make a guy do things he would rather not do as it does cause resentment as it will always be brought up when you fight. I like the symphony but my ex hated it so I never made him go with me. He liked hockey games but I hated them so he never insisted I go. Personally; that works for me. I would always ask if he wanted to accompany me to different events but if he said no; I would go on my own and would not be upset about it. That was how I compromised.

WOW

I had 3 loser men in my life,, does that mean every man is a loser..

Nope it doesnt pay to generalise, everyone is different.

I agree with you - and I think this sheds some light on the OP's dancing around on this issue of compromise - he doesn't know what it means in the first place

I think you may have just misunderstood my post. You DID find a
compromise on the symphony. The compromise was that you got to
to to the symphony sometimes while he did whatever needed to be
done to allow you to go and you reciprocated on the hockey.

I was NOT saying that you force each other to do things that
they don't like to do. I was saying that you have to compromise
on important issues by doing things sometimes which are not your
first preference. It is obviously impossible for everyone to have
their first preference all the time. Sometimes you might have to
watch the kids while he goes to the hockey game and sometimes he
may have to watch the kids while you go to the symphony - in the
case of the dog you can read my suggested solution in my earlier
post above. It was much like your example.

Inflexibility is impossible in a good relationship.

I agree that TexasScrondrel is doing the same thing.

To even the playing field, he should be willing to flip a coin.

Heads she shuts up about it, tails she gets a dog.

If he is not willing to even the playing field, then he is being controlling and insisting on having his way.

There are certain things I won't put up with but I don't sweat the small stuff and am willing to compromise. I.E. If he wanted a dog and I did not, he would have to take care of what is his.......example I won't be stepping in poop in the yard or cleaning it off of shoes etc.......but I want him to be happy to and if its such a minor thing than we can work around it.......

There simple.....now if it was a big deal and I was highly allergic to a dog in said example I would expect him to be sensitive enough to my condition to love me and compromise......maybe volunteering at a shelter would suffice to fill his need for a pet or a pet that was safer for condition etc.....

Just an example I guess it depends on your love and what you are or aren't willing to be or do for your partner....

But no after it and the logistics were settled I don't see a need to bring it up continuously as long as I feel I have been heard and we have talked it out to both our satisfaction as to a conclusion...

Aw suck it up, woman have their way for a reason, and here is the reason, sex, sex, sex, I'm still trying to figure out how my stuff became her stuff, oh I mean our stuff.

As long as sex is in the picture, yep, women will have it their way if that's what he wants.

My Dad did not want my mom to have this puppy and she got it anyway. They are in their late 80's now. She needed something to love. Now dogs simply love my Dad, and he loves dogs but hates to admit it.

That dog is now his constant companion. My Dad has Alzheimer's. That dog sits on his lap, sleeps with him, and throws a fit if we take him out of the house to go to the doctor. My dad was soon saying: "This is MY dog.'"

Oh bummer now you tell me..

I could have used sex all these years to get what i wanted..

There are many reasons why someone would like to have a pet.If they are alone all day they are company,if there are no children they can often be a substitute-something that needs love care and attention.
The practicalities of having a pet need to be discussed-if working full time then that is not fair on the dog to be left alone for long periods of time.
Is having a pet filling a void in a persons life? These can all be discussed-finding ot the reasons.It may be a compromise for perhaps to work in an animal shelter and see then if a pet is what is really wanted.
The whole situation does not seem to have been discussed thoroughly-talk in a calm way and find out the reasons behind wanting a pet-they tend to be far more than I Want A Dog.

Gee! Is that how it works? I've never done that. But now that you mention it my ex is the one who played that game. He was an expert at it. Hence the reason he's my ex.

I don't think it should ever be all one persons decision or the others, it should be mutual.

A few years before my husband passed away he wanted to adopt a stray cat who kept showing up on our door-step...We had made a vow and pact not to have anymore pets so we'd be free to travel. (Our other cats passed away a few years earlier.)...Anyway I didn't try to make my husband feel stupid for wanting to adopt the stray cat. I didn't accuse him of trying to "boss me around" or manipulate me! He had a right to his feelings and wants and desires and I listened to him...Both of us always tried to make each other happy if we could. He cared about my wants and needs and desires too! We were best friends for 29 years...Anyway we worked together to find a solution to having a new cat and being able to travel at times too...We found some reliable pet-sitters in our area who could watch our cat when we took vacations. Our marriage wasn't full of silly and childish "power struggles" and gender stereotyping.

so true

I know why my stuff became her stuff. It was like that old Cheech and Chong sketch of 'Zign ze papers old man'. I was willing to pay any price for freedom. I wasn't that material at the time. I just said just write ever you want on the paper and I will sign the paper. It was like giving her an open check. 'Stuff' can be replaced but how do you replace freedom? All I wanted was just 'me' back.

My first 2 earlier marriages weren't always happy or "pleasant." There were a lot of silly "power struggles."...But I had grown-up a lot by the time I met my "last" husband and we were both ready to do things differently and learn from our earlier mistakes in life...I felt "free to be me" with my "last" husband and I encouraged him to be "true to himself" too! It was a "whole other ballgame!" We supported each other's interests and goals and dreams...Every situation wasn't "do or die!" We didn't play out silly "gender wars" in our marriage.

Most arguments in a marriage are about power struggles. People just try to have things their way all the time. If you have a large enough house, personal bathrooms or even separate bedrooms and televisions a lot of problems are solved.

A lot of problems are also about money and sex and how you want to spend your time. The men's power is usually that they make more money, the women's power normally has to do with sex.

From the wording of the OP it sounds like it's his house/apartment. Since she moved in he has the say: it's his place. If it were her place and he wanted a pet that she didn't would you say she was being hard headed? Sounds like she can't negotiate herself. Personally, something like pets would be settled long before she moves in. Some things are negotiable, some are not.

I think we all yearn to "feel free" to a large degree even if we are married...Free to grow and evolve and free to see "new sides" to "who we are" with each passing year...I don't like to "get stuck in ruts!" And I don't want to feel obligated to "stay the same" just to make other people happy...And I prefer to be with a mate who is open to growth and changes too! Someone who is full of "surprises!" Someone who enjoys exploring "new sides" to "who he is" too!...I wouldn't do well in a relationship with "strict rules!" Or do well with a mate who always put a "negative spin" on my actions or desires...When my husband was alive we embraced each other's dreams and desires and enjoyed making each other happy if we could!

That I can relate with. The last marriage I had was really wonderful. But then she passed away. It really sucked.