I don't think it really had to do with the dog, though. Obviously, both people need to want a dog for that to work. But, there could be some compromise. Maybe the one who doesn't want a dog would be ok with a different kind of pet. They key is compromise, though, and that's what this is all about because he refuses to compromise and blames women for nagging because of it. There are ways to handle disagreements, but refusing to compromise probably isn't going to work for most people.

Once again you are taking this to a ridicules extreme. I'm willing to give on some issues. But, on some issues I'm not. Everyone is the same in this respect. We all have deal breakers. I'm suggesting that it's better to end an unhappy relationship than to argue about the same issues over and over again.

This is not an ultimatum. This is one person deciding what they want in their life and what they do not. If I cannot be happy living with a dog and she cannot be happy living without a dog (or whatever the issue is) then it only makes sense to end the relationship.

FFS Just get a cat!

Not really. I'm going by what you said here:

"At any rate, I don't like compromise. It's my feeling that the more I have to compromise, the more likely it is I'm with the wrong person. I don't agree with the idea that relationships take work. Relationships should be easy."

To me, that says you don't want to compromise. If that's not the case, ok. But, we can only go by what you've said here.

Yes, I stand by that statement. But, I didn't say I don't ever compromise. That is your spin on it.

When people compromise no one gets what they really want. They only get a part of what they want. Will that be enough? Not likely. Sooner of later they are going to want to re-negotiate and try to get a better deal. Another argument and more nagging.

When will the issue be put to rest? When one person has everything they want and the other has nothing? Doesn't sound like a happy relationship to me. It's better to just find someone that likes dogs as much as you do.

Here's a concept.
That you love enough to want to make
the other one happy.
Unselfishness can be mind-blowing.

If you want to be with the person enough, then yes, compromise absolutely helps. If there's not much to the relationship to begin with, then I can understand not wanting to compromise. You just have to decide what's more important to you.. making the relationship work or making sure you always get what you want.

That is what I said in the beginning! Decide if you can live with the situation as it is or not. If you can, stop bringing up the issue. If you cannot, leave.

Well, that's why I asked if you bring this up in the beginning of a relationship. Do you warn them that this is the way you'll most likely handle compromises? Or give them a list of deal breakers?

grow a set of balls or move on

Ya know, there wouldn't be much conversation in life if one was only allowed to ask for something once.

I'd say it's pretty good if the person is waiting a few months before bringing it up again. Once goes with the assumption that maybe there was something right then (ex. unemployed) that wouldn't allow for change, but in a few months, whatever that something was has changed (ex. found a job, now has extra money). I don't see how that's nagging.

But then, I'm not really an ultimatum sort. I just lay flat out what I want and don't want. It's the man who wants to change the gameplan. "Me or the animals". See ya!

exactly! great post

Yep, I do nag but not to get my own way. When I nag a guy its usually for his own good. For example; when a guy is eating unhealthy, not exercising, or drinking too much; you damn right I will nag him as I don't want him having health problems. I do try to compromise but as for pets or smokers; not a chance as I am allergic to both. If that seems like nagging or being unreasonable; then so be it and yes I would end the relationship as again its a health issue.

well navy, I think that's what some people seem to be saying - he needs to just leave if that's how he feels - if he feels like she is "nagging" and it is unacceptable. We can't change others. We can only change ourselves. He sounds like he is the one with the problem as he is expecting her to be someone other than who she is. And it's completely possible she is doing the same - we haven't heard from her on the subject so it's tough to say. She just wants a dog, and asking about something every few months is not nagging - if he wants someone to nag him he can move in with my ex....who is not a woman BTW

asking about something every few weeks or months as new thoughts arise about a situation is not nagging - I think the OP is just looking for permissions to end his relationship and it is not needed - he can just do it and no one is going to stand in judgement

Yep, I think you are on to something. I think he wants to end the relationship and is using the dog as an excuse.

Or he is having such a hard time being in relationships that he is bitter and frustrated. If this is how he experiences ALL women how is he ever going to find someone? Yet men have needs, which explains why he is looking for an intimate encounter.

Kudos on the interesting thread. I like to do deductive reasoning on threads like these. I am a Sherlock Holmes fan. This looks more like a Whowontdoit instead of a Whodunit interpretation to me. So you are standing your ground? I take it from the reading that arguments are a taboo. Communication may be good but arguments may be bad. Hmmm. Fascinating. It would appear that the two of you are living together or otherwise the example of the dog problem would not be an issue. Have you considered being a confirmed bachelor? That is about where I am now. There seems to be more to this than your way or the highway. You are just nipping it in the bud so to speak when it comes to problems like this. I think it is a great way to not have unresolved issues. You are trying to resolve them before they become issues. Hey. Good luck with it.

Compromise in a relationship does not mean that you compromise on
little things that don't bother you...but then are completely
inflexible on other things which are set in stone!



This is just another way of saying - My way or the highway.



Compromise means you have to have EVERYTHING on the table.
He has to do things he would rather not do and she has to
also do things she would rather not do. That is what it means
to compromise. If you put some things out of bounds then it
means that you're unwilling to compromise on things which really
matter to both of you.

For a relationship to work you have to be able to discuss any
point of contention and be willing to work with the other person
so you both feel your needs are being met reasonably well.

Otherwise one of you will feel resentment and react and then
eventually both of you will be resentful and if you can't patch
it up - it's over.

I am finding it is easier to be played by one woman than it is to be played by more than one woman. I mean if one is choosing to be manipulated than the less people involved the better in my opinion. This one woman agreed to pay for this one woman's car bill. The other woman said when I get paid that I will pay the car bill. The one paying the car bill today asks when I get my money. The reason she asked was because she told me that when I tried to pay her the whole car bill for me to pay only half. The woman with car bill, my boarder, said the same thing she did last week. That I get paid today. The woman who paid the car bill is tired of waiting on my boarder to pay the bill. Since I am a sure thing she agrees it is better to get paid now than to wait on boarder to pay her. Money talks and ******** walks.