Double post. Ooops!

But, sometimes there is no way to compromise. In the example I gave with the dog I don't see any way to meet in the middle. You either have a dog or you don't.

I suppose you could agree to have a dog and the other party could receive some other compensation. But, what if there is nothing the other party wants?

At any rate, I don't like compromise. It's my feeling that the more I have to compromise, the more likely it is I'm with the wrong person. I don't agree with the idea that relationships take work. Relationships should be easy.

i had posted this early on, but it got lost in the mad rush to post comments about your attitude. the first sentence is serious, the rest is a feeble attempt at humor. you have a some valid points, and some off the main road thinking. of course swimming up stream is tiring and you get some strange if not hostile looks. the thing is you are true to yourself and live up to your screen name

I disagree; a compromise can be reached if both people are interested in keeping the relationship alive. it may not always be in your favor, but by definition that is what compromise is.

do you actually believe that you will meet and have a true relationship with anyone where you both agree on everything? not going to happen. if you are unwilling to give as well as take, who in their right mind would care to invest their time?

1. You both get the dog
2. You get something which you really want but she doesn't care for
3. Dog care duties fall on the partner requesting the dog
4. The dog loves you and you love back so you also start taking care of the dog

It's give and take.
There's no black and white.
The contrast on the TV is just turned up too high!

lol, I think thats one issue with the argument,, the implication that ALL women nag

the other is the my way or we break up attitude,, which seems pretty much like bullying to me


tone, accounts for alot


there are many things that can be compromised when two people love each other, ,if they are just hanging out, thats another story


If I really want a dog, and I am in love with someone that doesnt, its really not something to break up over


UNLESS it becomes a power trip,, ultimatums NEVER work for me
so me saying we have to get one or its done would work about as poorly as him saying if we get one its done,,, that shows a real lack of communication is more of an issue than a dog ever could be,,,

it works better to say, I cant lie with a dog(leave the ultimatum out of it),, or to say I have to have a dog(leave the ultimatum out of it) and then discuss where you go from there,,,

just my opinion

Do you give an explanation of why you want/don't want something that is being asked for?

Using the example you gave, do you say "Hun, no, I don't want a dog because 1). it takes away our freedom for romantic get-aways... 2). I am allergic to dogs and can't be around them without being rushed to the hospital... 3). I am afraid of dogs...whatever the reason may be..

Or do you just say: "NO!! AND THAT IS THAT!!" anytime she asked before as you claim, they start 'nagging'?

This is what it comes down to. It isn't about the dog at all, it's about you not wanting to compromise and you being willing to give up on a relationship when something doesn't go your way.

Fortunately, many people are not that rigid.

You are taking what I said to a ridicules extreme. Everyone has deal breakers. Suppose I wanted her to stop spending all the money we made each week? Or to stop using cocaine? Or to do her part around the house by cleaning up after herself? Or to stop beating me?

My point is, some issues are negotiable while others aren't.

But, the real point, and subject of this thread, is this game women play about never dropping an issue until it's resolved in her favor. It may take years, but she will get what she wants.

good post

a person who cannot compromise and always insists on his own way definitely has some maturity issues

You said you don't like to compromise. That's what it all comes down to. It doesn't matter what she wants because if it's not something you want, you're going to say no. It doesn't matter what example you give.

This is probably why women ask you several times, in hopes of you actually learning to compromise. But, since you won't, you see it as nagging over and over. It's not a gender specific thing. It could happen with anyone who refuses to compromise on anything. And by refusing to compromise on anything, you expect everyone else to compromise for you, or give up the relationship/friendship/whatever.

No one should have to compromise their happiness. Each person must decide for themselves what they are willing to put up with. If I'm not willing to put up with living with a dog (the reasons are irrelevant) and she wants one the only way for all parties to be happy is to end the relationship.

Once something is discussed and all points are understood by everyone involved, bringing it up over and over again is just fight picking.

So end your relationships when you don't feel like working on things if it makes you happy.

Yes, that is what I would do. And it's what she should do. Decide if it's important enough to end the relationship. If it is, leave. If it's not, stop bringing it up.

I agree completely and would take it a step further to include the man I am hanging out with because if he wasn't important to me, I wouldn;t be hanging out with him - but of course the issues might be different based on the level of the relationship - but all kinds of friendships thrive on give and take and die without it

I also agree that whether or not to have a dog is separate from his rant about women nagging - that is so silly - the real issue is how to work out the problem of the dog and whether he really loves his partner IMO

now you want to tell her how to think and what to do - when really you should be having this convo with her - not us

I concluded about 3 pages ago that u did not want the relationship - why don;t you man up and end it

you are trying to make her look bad for raising her concerns- that she has every right to raise as your friend (and more). She is trying to communicate which is admirable considering that you make it impossible for her

I do agree that we all have certain dealbreakers. Is this one that she knew about before your marriage - that you would not want a dog? If so, then she needs to back off, I agree

but if she did not know this about you, you need to work out a compromise solution that allows her to have the pet

I fail to see how that could make anyone happy.....but I guess it happens often enough

Do you at least start out relationships saying you don't compromise at all and you'll end the relationship if she tries?

If you don't want a dog then she should understand and not get a dog. I don't understand what the big deal is.

However, I'm not sure why you started this by attacking women as being manipulative. My ex-husband was this way and it ultimately destroyed our relationship. It's not a male or female thing.

For the record, i was just trying to get a rise out of some of you.

I don't believe that all women nag.





(because some women aren't able to speak, some are dead..)