I have found it harder.....But thats because I won't put myself out there.Because I'am afraid of being rejected...

Same here.

It took me 5 years to get to where I'am now. It does get better over time......But with me, it's something I have to live with the rest of my life.

Yup same here. I am on 3 meds right now. Was on 5 different ones at one time. But what I have someone is going to have to accept it. For that is who I am.

I agree................

Got the paycheck after the little Christmas dinner we had at work plus got an extra $15.00 in an envelope with a Christmas card. The guy who came in to try to sell the nursing home a new kind of brief that is supposed to be like the newer baby diapers and exorbitant to soak up more did the drawing for a $2000.00 lottery pick out an aide who didn't show up for work. You would think someone would actually come in to pick up their paycheck. So far I haven't missed coming in on payday. Mom did teach me that much. Thinking what I could of done with $2000.00. The DON who lead the meeting said we shouldn't come in just to pick up a paycheck. I was thinking I don't because I like checking out all the cute aides. When they show up that is.

It was pretty hard to start this thread. I was a bit afraid, and had to work up to letting things out. But everyone came out and started talking and supporting. Thanks to all of you who make this thread work, and are coragous enough to just read if that is what helps. You don't have to support all the time. I've had a few blow outs. I havent' been around much because of school, but took my last final today. Easy A class. Have an art club meeting that will be heated, but that would take too long to explain. Sifice it to say that another art club is trying to establish themselves, and no problem there, but now they are trying to absorb our club and take all our money saved for projects and not have to do all the paper work
Then, a cousleor meeting to change my sched and then I have nothing to do unless I want to. Lots of sanding to polish a carving I am going to enter in the student show in Jan.
As far as the holidays, bah humbug!

((((((((Cindy)))))))))

you are not alone in this... i'm here for you...always!!

I'm batteling myself this year, This Christmas is rough...lots goin on in my head...and no matter how much I talk with my councelor, or take my meds like im supposed to.. its all right there in my face! I sooooo can't take it anymore, I'm tired of cryin, I'm tired of being alone, I'm just tired.....

Hi IconicMemory. Great post and great question. I was terrified that even my friends find out I was bipolar. I came to the conclusion concerning dating, that I have to be out front and honest to people about it. Depression is a disease, but it isn't you. People need to know what you have, but it is up to you to tell them who you are. I believe in being as up front and honest about it as I can. They deserve that.

I have had mixed results with dating. People who reject me, I can't blame them. I just keep trying to find the ones who want to understand and get to know me. Good luck to you and keep posting!!

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes the depresion just wins. You just want to throw your hands up and hide under the bed. But that doesn't help. I personally let the depression win for a little while. I give myself a break. It is so hard to fight this disease minute by minute...none of us are supermen/superwomen. But you can't let it fester (that is a funny word..I don't know why) on and on. Give yourself a break to rejuvenate, but then get back in the fight. Hang in there!!!

Hey Karen...God Bless you for starting this thread. You are an inspiration to me. I am glad your finals are over and good luck with the art club problem!!

hey y'all i'm doing better........made a friend from church tonight.......

I am so glad that people are here and have a place where they can feel comfortable. Thanks to you and marie for taking care of the thread. I know how hard it is to feel like crap, but helping others helps you. We may not like oursleves OR what we are going through and although we feel bad, still want to help others.

I'm just a danger to myself, but never others. I want to help them because I never got this kind of help. Thank to you all. Sorry I got all dark and oogie on ya.

I am having a terrible night. I'm lost without school. Feels like grieving. Wierd. I feel like I just don't want to go on. I'm tired of being tired. Why can't we choose wether we want to die or not. I mean women are allowed to kill thier babies because it is there bodies and thier choice. Why can't people like myself have the opportuniy to go out peacefully? My body. My choice. I personally believe in my right to die with dignity. People sometimes need the right to die peafully and legaly Ok, hot topic......I'm going to bed. You all can hash out the statement I just made.

Nite

On nights when I am not at work I feel lost. I am glad we are getting more meetings in our area. Got a new one starting up first Sunday in January for Sundays. I am glad that it isn't far and now the only day not covered for meetings that close are Wednesdays but then there is a new meeting in my home town. Been trying to feel the void with dvds, music and here but just don't feel right any more home alone. Finding myself needing a daily meeting and maybe that is just because of the holidays. I am not sure why. But it is just hard to replace what one can get in human contact. Hope you have a good night, Creation.

Because it isn't an answer..it just isn't. You are here for whatever reason...I don't know why, but you are. I believe in God and my faith in Him keeps me going. I believe I am here for a reason only known by God. I would be arrogant to take my life from God. and i would be hateful for hurting others who love me.

I have had a horrible night tonight. It is personal, but I am devistated. I wish I could just check out, but it is not the answer. I have to keep fighting like everyone else who has this hideous disease. I am no different than any other unfortunate person. We all have obstacles to crash through. 45 years old, no wife, no children, no future, no love, nothing to show for it. What a waste I have been. I apologize to God...I have failed Him. I failed my covenant to God and that is horrible to live with also. Who am I to dispense advice? What a joke I have become. I am sorry for telling people anything on this thread that is deemed advice.

Depression is dwelling on somthing that hurts. Growth needs to take place, without moving on it will consume the life you have

Wow, Ken, you have had a bad night, I am so sorry things went so wrong for you tonight. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You do realize it is the disease, that is good, and that you are doing your best to deal with it. You are NOT a waste and you have NOT failed God. You are a good man with a kind caring heart. I see it in all your posts, you are supportive and caring about anyone who posts in here, you are the first to welcome the new people having a hard time and to check in with us "old-timers" when we are having a bad day. I understand how easy it is to get down, I have been there lately and frankly some nights haven't posted because I haven't felt up to it, but I have read the posts and was grateful that you were in here with the others and supporting and talking to the others and giving good advice. We all have our bad nights, but don't ever feel like a failure, because you are not. You were put on this earth for a reason, and you have been doing a great job of helping people out especially in this thread. I know I am not the only one you have helped and others care about you too. I sincerely hope you are feeling better today, take care of yourself. We do care.

Karen - it bothers me when you talk that way, you are an awesome person and work harder at everyday life than most. I don't deal with bipolar but can only imagine what you go through. And, you go to college full-time and are dealing with your life and moving ahead. Don't give up, you have friends on here, we care about you and I am sure you have friends at school. You were telling me your teacher was your friend too. Now all of us can't be that wrong. I think you must be exhausted working so hard for your classes and all and suddenly you are on break, your brain is probably in shock, wondering what to do next. Maybe find some group to go to, do some volunteer work, teach some art or craft to some elderly people at a nursing home or at a homeless shelter, something simple but something they would not normally be exposed to. Will keep you in your "love" art - and make the days go by a little quicker. Just a thought. Feel better, get some rest too, recharge your batteries for your next quarter coming up. Take care girl, we do care about you.

There are different types of depression that people have. While some depression is dwelling on something that hurts. Most people that have depression as disease like bi polar is something that is working differently chemically in the brain.

I guarantee that everyone in here wishes to be like those who surround us the ones that aren't depressed or have this mental illness disease. But alas the world isn't always what people wish it to be.

A person has to take the time to understand that we are all different and that we all come from different parts of the world and different upbringing.

It is as a whole that one should accept another person and to help that person, but also understanding the person and the disease they have without simply making an outstanding observation without knowing all the facts.

Try to keep that in mind the next time you mean to do the right thing. Or it may be perceived in a different manner then which was intended.

Good observation Iconic. I suspect he may have been referring to situational depression, as you know, that type does come on and go away in time, as when we lose a loved one. But you are right about the other types of depression, bipolar and other illnesses. I have battled depression since childhood and it is not easy and I can't just think it away. The meds don't work for me, I have side effects to most of them, so I have settled on counseling off and on when I can afford it or when things are really bad, and just try to keep myself working. My job seems to help me stay grounded, makes me get out of bed in the morning, and I have some good friends who help too.

Anyways, welcome to the thread. I need to get to bed, take care.