Well, I'd need to see him daily for that number to accumulate and then I'd have to stay home from work too... so that won't happen. Well, if it did I might die!

I would think the rules are whatever you 2 decide, together.

Oh you come in here with such sensical comments on page FIVE???

Thanks Darling....

You were the first to find out when this all started....

lol sorry I just woke up!!! youre like......2 or 3 hours ahead of me already!

i don't mean to be the d1ck, but it's sort of what i do.

while i understand your hesitation, you may be looking at this in the wrong light.

you have a friend that you like spending time with and he likes spending time with you.
the two of you have fun together.
the two of you are attracted enough to each other to have sex together.

what's wrong with just seeing what becomes of it?

i understand that you think he's moving a bit fast, but just tell him that your feelings haven't developed to that point yet but that you really like your times together.

maybe you shouldn't rule out the possibility.

Drew....

Well. I see what you're saying.
Here are my concerns.

First and foremost, I'm concerned the sex will stop.
Second, I'm concerned we won't be friends any more.
(Yeah I realize that should be switched but I'm being honest)
Third, he keeps saying how damaged he is. He has low self-esteem.

I definitely think that he is not going to put himself out there, and if I do he will run. Or if he brings it up again, and I reciprocate, he will run.

Just as much, I was interested in him, very much so, before it switched to just FWB. I re-arranged everything in my head and shut the feelings side down. I'm not sure trying to bring that would be of benefit to either of us. It sort of feels like a push/pull so far. I was interested in him because he's smart (way smarter than me) and funny and has this great mixture of dorkiness and geekiness that I find wildly attractive. Physically, I seriously have to put a pillow between us when we sleep or I will not sleep at all. So, friends is great. I just shut out the movies holding hands talking on the phone stuff. We actually text several times a week....

Did any of that make sense?

Its too complicated already!!!! You need to get a pool boy instead...

or maybe even several pool boys.....

But the sex....

Okay, analogy:
Standing rib roast with horseradish sauce, baked stuffed prawns, asparagus oscar, wedge salad (the one with the toasted candied pecans), garlic mashed potatoes and chocolate mousse.

If you made me that.......I will be right over!!!

So you get it now? That's what I get on Fridays, in a way.

Just ride it out and have fun... a guy with low self-esteem...and being your FWB...lucky bastard

it makes sense, but as a man who is so similar to the person you are talking about that it's scary, i have to tell you what has run through my head in the past.

a person with low self esteem is not necessarily someone who is a pessimist. sometimes a person with low self esteem just needs someone to help them with that issue. for me it would probably take the genuine love of an attractive and awesome woman, being as that is something that i've never had and have never felt entitled to.
sometimes all they want is to know that what they're feeling is real and that the person they feel for feels it too.
i know that a person who is secure with themselves doesn't need validation for their feelings, but that's not the kind of person we're talking about.

i understand what you're saying, but i've always been the guy who falls for the woman who refuses to feel the same. yes, i admittedly did my part to make myself difficult to love. but sometimes the woman has to be strong to help the man feel strong. i was a mess, and chances are so is he. maybe he just needs a woman to overlook the mess and accept the rest.
i'm not saying you should take pity on the man or something like that. but maybe he just needs a woman to not hurt him for once.

i don't know your guy, i only know me and how much i seem to resemble what you wrote.
nobody's saying run out and marry the guy. just give him a fair chance.

what makes you think he'll run?

the only other thing i can say is that maybe he needs some counseling to get to the root of his problems. does he say things like "you can do better than me" or "i don't know what you could see in me"? i used to push like that. it was a way for me to see if the girl liked me or if i was just a rest stop on her way to something else. those are validation statements and should be answered honestly and without sarcasm. if you think he's a great guy and he says something like "what could you possibly see in me?", tell him what you see in him.

again, as one of those types, i can relate. and i know how it feels when the girl bolts instead of sticking through it.
i'm in recovery by the way.

Drew, Yes, he made statements like that when we dated and just a few weeks ago made a comment like "I'm broken everything; I touch turns to shyt" comment.

I think he will run because things were going well when we dated. Out of the blue....He said things like:

"I’ve thought about what word I’d use to describe how I’m feeling about everything, and I think that the word is intimidated. It’s not that you are intimidating or pressuring me, but more that the situation is a bit more than I’m feeling all that ready to handle. It seems like things have happened really fast and like I’m playing catch-up. Given how much hurt and other crap I’ve been through in my love life recently, I’m not even sure how I feel sometimes cause I get all mixed up. (and that makes me want to run from everything) I do understand how you feel about me. I’m sorry that I’m all confused and conflicted – I know what it’s like on your side of this… in the last relationship I had, I was the one with the very clear feelings and she was ambivalent. Either side of it is a hard place to be.

I’ve had a bad tendency in relationships in the past by being (at best) less than clear about how I’m feeling or (at worst) being dishonest in how I feel by just telling someone what they want to hear. I’ve realized that this is highly maladaptive and so I’m trying to not repeat past mistakes. So I’m going to be as clear as possible with you about my feelings, and that is to say that I’m not clear what my feelings are."

Right before we broke up. Then about 2 weeks later we started the FWB and it's been great until now, when I'm starting to see the dynamics change. He made it clear he has hurt and been hurt, not all one sided.

ya next time im gonna go easy on the lingerie spending.!!!

I think you can buy gifts if they are sex related....

did he start singing "the rose" by bette midler after that?

Okay, that was kind of funny.

No... but I love that song. I think he was truly trying to be honest. Those were his words, by the way. He's in a very similiar field as me, so he is articulate.

He has also been known to say he wants to get re-married someday and buy another house.