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| Topic: Want NOT Need | |
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Ruth, well, as far as the ying and yang, I definitely think there is no real substitution for the physical needs we all have.
 Sorry, gutter mind there. But I don't believe a partner completes me, maybe enhances and enriches, but not completes. In my opinion, if another person can make you feel complete or whole, then you don't know who you are. (don't mean YOU you, speaking hypothetically)
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I think we agree more than not. It may just be a matter of semantics. But, either way, you have some very good points.
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I need a man to take the trash out, kill the bugs and uhm....well...ya know...oh wait, I CAN do all of that myself, I just prefer them to do it...
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I think we agree more than not. It may just be a matter of semantics. But, either way, you have some very good points.
I agree, it might just be that I am a very literal person. |
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unique - a relationships is one plateau (why separate into 3?) if I follow your math 100% + 100% now 10% = 210% (dont follow) relationships usually involve two individuals (each giving their best/utmost = 100%) these two individuals usually share (they are not fused) a common goal and are working together. because reguardless of how dependent you are, your still a human. You still have your own thoughts. Thus you have you and the stuff your dealing with, she has her and the stuff she's dealing with and then you have the stuff your dealing with together. With kids it gets expanentionally bigger. The math is if you have 2 people each putting 100% into a machine called a relastionship (the relastionship itself is a seperate entity) then you still make up 100% of the total. If you have one person putting in 80% and the other 0% then the total is still 100% of the total effort. 50/50 means that both party's are putting in equal amounts. When you first talk to someone, your not putting 100% into it. depending on how much you like them, you may put in 5 or 15% or whatever. As you get to know them you put in more. The key is more about balance then the amount of effort. You can't tell me that eating lunch together once a week is your best possable effort in being together with someone, reguardless of whats going on. However, if the other person is putting in that much effort then it matches fine and things are good. If the other party is wanting to spend every night together, and you can only do lunch, the balance is offset and one party gets pissy. Most people that have bad break ups end up putting in all the effort, while trying to compensate for the other party's putting in less and less. |
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I think that's just that new math everyone talks about.... I don't get it either.
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I had a fantastic conversation with a member about this last night, and I was shocked and thrilled we both agreed on this. I hear so much crap about 50/50, soulmates, being lonely, feeling complete, blah blah... I do not need anyone in my life. I am quite independent and capable of either doing for myself or finding a resource who can. I do not believe soulmates exist. I can not be completed by anyone. I am whole, I am in no need of completing. I believe a relationship is 100/100 and that a partner enriches and compliments my life. A person who invigorates my mind, body, and spirit, and I theirs. I want a relationship, and therefore would never take it for granted or become complacent. I'd never settle just to have someone. Anyone agree or disagree? I totally agree with this Lilith. I too, am very content with being single. Hell, I had a great time being single. When I was single, it was all about ME and all about my daughter. I didn't want that to ever go away. So I kind of got to the point where I would go out from time to time on "dates" but had NO expectations....."or at least very little".... So there I was, meeting new girl after new girl. I had some good times and some not so good times. But I knew with all of them, that they were NOT for me. I sat there and realized that there is no such thing as a soul mate. That I could get along with a bunch of different personalities and if I just didn't want to be single anymore, I would've "settled" for one of them. But I didn't. I liked being single and wanted to stay single. Then I met my current girlfriend, and her personality complimented mine. Everything was so easy with her although at the same time, I KNEW I didn't NEED her, I WANTED to be with her. She made me feel good and I had so much fun with her that I figured, let's give it a shot. Well, 7 months later, we are still together and although we have hit a bump or 2, we're still going strong because we know that neither one of us NEEDS the other one, but we WANTED each other. Totally agree |
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Unique~
You're not listening. Time does not a relationship make, nor does it equal effort. Both parties putting in equal amounts is each person doing 100%. Really. Step outside your box, read my post, Fran's posts, and really open up and think about it. |
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I do not see a 'soulmate' as that which completes though. And i find those that believe in having one ........................do. 
(((((((((( LILITH ))))))))) Ahhh, nor do I. I see the definition of a soulmate as a perfect fit for a partner. I don't believe in that either. (The actual historical definition is the 'other half')... what do you believe it is, Fade? Guess I see soulmate more as someone I connect at a very deep 'soul' level with. That doesn't happen often.  
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The math is if you have 2 people each putting 100% into a machine called a relastionship (the relastionship itself is a seperate entity) then you still make up 100% of the total.
this is 'magic' math - I see it as I put in 100% and you put in 100% hence 100/100 = 1 relationship If you have one person putting in 80% and the other 0% then the total is still 100% of the total effort. 50/50 means that both party's are putting in equal amounts.
to suit your math formula it would be the same if both parties put in 1% or 100% - both equal efforts When you first talk to someone, your not putting 100% into it. depending on how much you like them, you may put in 5 or 15% or whatever. As you get to know them you put in more. The key is more about balance then the amount of effort.
You can't tell me that eating lunch together once a week is your best possable effort in being together with someone, reguardless of whats going on. However, if the other person is putting in that much effort then it matches fine and things are good. If the other party is wanting to spend every night together, and you can only do lunch, the balance is offset and one party gets pissy. Most people that have bad break ups end up putting in all the effort, while trying to compensate for the other party's putting in less and less. this doesn't constitute a relationship (to me), its the beginning stages of one (dating) getting to know each other, both deciding on whether to enter into a relationship or not - not being arbitrary, but I truly dont agree |
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Guess I see soulmate more as someone I connect at a very deep 'soul' level with. That doesn't happen often.
I know many people have different definitions of a soulmate and when you're talking about past lives it is very different. But, Fade's definition is the same as mine when it comes to a romantic relationship. |
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 Fade, I got you.... I do believe in that. I guess I use the tem connected or connection, like they "get me"....
Thanks for explaining. Fran, if you take 80% that you gave to your lunch lady from high school, and then add the 25% you gave focus wize in detention and you add that to the 37% you give your phone messages at work and subtract the 45% you give the morning news about politics, then you take into account the 97% boredom you are already experiencing reading this ridiculous post, that equals the 100% adoration I have for you! |
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Guess I see soulmate more as someone I connect at a very deep 'soul' level with. That doesn't happen often.
I know many people have different definitions of a soulmate and when you're talking about past lives it is very different. But, Fade's definition is the same as mine when it comes to a romantic relationship. In Song of Solomon it says: "When I found the one my SOUL loved, I held on and would not let go" That's beautiful .. don't you think Lilith? And YW for explaining .. 
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just to stir the pot a little, did anyone notice most of the womens responces are "i dont need a man to be complete" and the men are...well...undecided...lol
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Fade, I got you.... I do believe in that. I guess I use the tem connected or connection, like they "get me"....
Thanks for explaining. Fran, if you take 80% that you gave to your lunch lady from high school, and then add the 25% you gave focus wize in detention and you add that to the 37% you give your phone messages at work and subtract the 45% you give the morning news about politics, then you take into account the 97% boredom you are already experiencing reading this ridiculous post, that equals the 100% adoration I have for you! Lilith you rock!!! no magic needed!!!
it's the same as tutoring someone with basic algebra, they learn one formula and want to make it work for all problems 
Least I can say I tried - I even brought in some unicorn magic dust 
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just to stir the pot a little, did anyone notice most of the womens responces are "i dont need a man to be complete" and the men are...well...undecided...lol Give me a turtle and some boobs and I'm good. 
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Phil~ I got a joke the other day that said, If a man makes a statement alone in the woods and his wife never hears it, is he still wrong? |
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In Song of Solomon it says: "When I found the one my SOUL loved, I held on and would not let go" Fade~ That is very beautiful, yes. Fran, unicorn dust rocks, it makes everything rainbows and butterflies.... |
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just to stir the pot a little, did anyone notice most of the womens responces are "i dont need a man to be complete" and the men are...well...undecided...lol well ... yes. We did notice. 
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just to stir the pot a little, did anyone notice most of the womens responces are "i dont need a man to be complete" and the men are...well...undecided...lol Yes, and that's no shock to me.... I've been single for awhile mostly for that reason..... Here's who I've met in the last 4 years, the stage 5 clinger, wants to call and text all day, see me every time they or I am not at work...NO THANKS. The loner guy- Expects to call once every 3 weeks and me to drop everything to see him in 25 minutes...NO THANKS. The bi-polar guy- One day I am the love of his life, his soulmate, the next I am a horrible rotten person who doesn't deserve to breath the air, then 2 weeks later I am on a pedistal again covered in roses and butterflies. NO THANKS. The leave me hanging guy- He is seeing 5 other people but doesn't disclose this info, and is just waiting to see who the first one to fall for his lines is going to be. NO THANKS. I don't NEED any of these men....NO THANKS. |
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