Here's another point that may be handy:

I have just given someone the benefit of doubt by ignoring the bog-standard "Hello, how are you?" message to view their profile. They have one sentence in their description, and it starts with "I'm a bit boring for someone my age..."

Oh yes, I really want to know more! Oh wait... no I don't.

So yes, my advice? Whilst honesty is great, failing to sell your positive traits are not.

* * *

With regards to your last post, Dave. I'd drop the comments like "let's talk". If a person wants to talk, they will. They won't need to be directed to do so.

If I'm really nit-picking, take a little time developing your message. As it stands it's very curt question-answer-question-answer format and would benefit from more of a prose-like approach if you want it to be more inviting, particularly if you attempt to appeal to their senses.

For example:

Hi, I'm Dave!

I love the picture with the dog - he's so cute! Is he still a puppy? Is he a pedigree or a cross? I grew up with dogs so I know how wonderful they are as companions and very good listeners. Do you find yourself telling them all your secrets, or is that just me? My family used to always have smaller dogs like Jack Russels and terriers. If I were to get a dog now though, I'd go for something like a Newfoundland - they're beautiful and I'm sure would make a fantastic snuggle-buddy for these cold, winter nights in! I believe they need a lot of space though...

I read on your profile that you like bikes, is that motorcycles? I ask as I am a big fan! I currently ride an 83 FXRT Harley and my favourite places to ride are down country lanes in the summer. Dorset is great for that as there are lanes that look like archways filled with bluebells and fields full of rapeseed... The smell is intoxicating! Do you ride?

...

I've embellished details with my own experiences, but I'm sure you get the picture. This is the kind of message that I love - ones that have information I can read and be interested by, that give me the impression that conversation will be easy. If people avoid details, I feel like it'll be hard to keep a conversation going however pleasant a person they may be.

I feel people respond better when they can visualise us doing something we both enjoy doing, such as this lady being able to visualise you loving her dog and playing with it, or riding through bluebell archways and past rapeseed fields with you... You see what I mean?

I know it's the kind of message that takes a little more time to write, but hopefully that will come across well as you've taken a genuine interest in them and their profile and you've written about something you're passionate about. They should pick up on that and be more inclined to talk, even if they don't want a relationship.

Best of luck!

I'd totally do that too! They usually have so many gorgeous, sweet dogs that you just can't understand why they were abandoned or mistreated :(

@red6mist: Can I be both?

@Jon: What did you miss most about Scotland when you were in London? I know I'll miss all the trees of the north since we're about 5/10 minutes drive from woodland. There's a few parks scattered about through London though, right?

No, not really. I'm not really a girly-girl, I guess. But I've had those tomboy girlfriends before. They're not much different, just less talk of makeup (which is fine by me). I think it's mostly that I don't really go for the whole bitching and gossiping thing, which isolates me from about 90% of the women I meet. It's really a matter of finding the right fit with the 10%. I've had girlfriends I got on with for a while, but we just grew apart.

I think the main problem up here is that many of the girls I meet are stuck in that vicious cycle where they're almost feeling pressured to settle down but aren't happy with their life/partner/job. I'm a "if you don't like it, change it" kind of person, which has pissed some of the girlfriends off. Apparently it's OK for them to moan about disliking things, but it's not OK for me to offer suggestions on how to problem-solve. I am a clear reminder of the mentality they don't have and are scared to try (sticking with what they know seems preferable to an outcome they can't predict).

I'll stick with the guy friends. I do miss female company outside of work though.

I think the best course of action is to get out into the world and involved in activities I enjoy and seeing who I come across. I just don't really have the time for that with my current shift patterns. :(

Unless you have a tendency to not get on with "girlfriends", which is the case here. I definitely do not have a good track record with them. I don't fit in cliques, for a start. It goes way back to primary school and even now in my current workplace. I don't really care about the clique thing though, so I won't be losing any sleep over it.

And I'm afraid I'm not really one for giving my flesh to someone I have nothing in common with. Thanks for the thought though XD

As paintecards01 says, it really depends on the person's interest in you. There's enough in your message that's it's personal and gives them the opportunity to start a conversation if they find something appealing, at the same time you're not investing too much time in a message if you're unsure of how they'd take you.

I, personally, love more input. What I would be turned off by are messages that do seem too desperate. Mentioning in your first message you want to "meet up" would make me feel uncomfortable - I don't know you, you don't know me. What reason would I have at that point to agree to it?

I also have a problem with people repeatedly spouting about how they're "nice guys" and "genuine". If you weren't, would be inclined to admit to it? Of course not, that I would learn from spending time getting to know you.

I hope that helps. Best of luck!

Daaahn sarf?

Hi all!

It seems this UK forum isn't particularly active, but I was wondering how many of "us" there are. I actually don't mind if other Brits want to chime in/be friendly, but I would like to know how many people are genuinely about to befriend others with similar interests, not just sh*g about.

I'm from the outskirts of Manchester (hence the title) and I'd naturally like to develop friendships up this way, but I'm not closed to meeting friends from other regions too at some point since I do eventually plan to move further south (outskirts of London) after my degree, if my current plans work out.

A lot could change over the next couple of years so, who knows?

In case you want an abridged version of who I am without reading my profile:
*I'm 29 years old
*I'm an Open University student studying English language and literature whilst picking up random courses through government run schemes and FutureLearn (a partnership between OU and 'local' universities).
*I currently work in hospitality, but I'd like a cushy 9-5 job as that would fit in nicely with my course/social needs (suggestions welcome).
*I'm a little artsy, what with my love of literature, writing and occasional attempts at drawing and painting.

My favourite area in Manchester is the Northern Quarter.
My favourite bar in Manchester is FabCafe.

Share a little about you and where you're from!

Kelly.

Killjoys. xP

My only thoughts are either he isn't someone who's so desperate for the ideal that he'll settle for the first person that ticks a few boxes, or he doesn't believe in marriage. Either works for me. I'm less sure of divorced. I get that marriages do and can breakdown with noone at fault, but I'm more likely to be cautious in case he's the type that can't maintain a relationship or too keen to jump into a dysfunctional relationship to quickly try to reach the "happy family" fantasy.

Nope. I was carrying balloons and I was trying not to hit him on the head with them but, in keeping them raised, one hit the light and burst. He jumped out of his skin! I felt a bit silly then.

I can't whistle, so that's out of the question. And I doubt he'll be cycling past until the spring/summer now (I think he's a fair weather cyclist). Either way, when I see him I'll initiate some form of conversation or interaction. If I see him...

Oh, you put it so sweetly... *eye roll*

I'm just trying to be realistic as all I 'know' (I actually know nothing) is that I'm pretty sure he falls within the 35-45 age bracket but I can't be certain as I've avoided looking at him too closely.

He may not have said anything or made a move for several reasons:
a) he's with someone and not the type to play away from home (which is definitely a good thing)
b) he may be significantly older and feel it's a bit weird (I began noticing him around about 7/8 years ago, though at the time he would have seen me with boyfriends who looked quite young, so who knows how much younger he thinks I am
c) he may have been put off by finding out where I work and looking a mess
d) I'm imagining interest - I'm projecting my need to be wanted on some random guy, when in fact what he does holds no significance as far as I'm concerned.

Basically, I don't want to get carried away with the fantasy when reality may not be pretty... but I will, if I'm in a position to do so, initiate conversation/an interaction of sorts to let him know it's OK to not be strangers. If that makes sense.

I don't doubt that, it just doesn't happen that often. xP

I wouldn't get too excited. The last time I saw him around regularly was several years ago, by the time I'd worked up the courage to say something, I didn't see him again. I wouldn't be surprised if the same happens again this time.

I started seeing him around again a couple of months ago when he cycled past and looked back a couple of times at me. That was a definite warm glow moment. He even knows where I work now as he had turned up with some friends/colleagues and looked pretty shocked to see me (another double-take moment). Kind of embarrassing though as I scared the **** out of him by accidentally popping a balloon right near him when I bounded past full of nervous energy. But nothing was said, and I've not seen him since.

He's probably married/in a relationship. Or he may be really dull when I (or him) actually work up the courage to talk :S

Big "thumbs up" from me! :D

No. I don't believe you can love someone without knowing who they are and what they stand for. Lust, however, is a different ball game and can be easily confused.

For example, there is an older man in my area who I see around. I have no idea who he is, how old he actually is, whether he's married or not, what he does, or even what he sounds like... but I see him around, or the way he double takes if he recognises me when he obviously doesn't expect me to be there, and I can't help my little heart racing... I've resolved to actually say something next time I bump into him, but as soon as you decide something like that you can guarantee you won't see them again for years.

It's a bit like Terry Pratchett's Discworld.

Aye, I'd definitely consider that a positive move :D

Thanks :D I've found it to be quite effective in the right situations. It tends to be something I do with both guys I'm interested in and guys I'm friends with so I know that, for the most part, it does work. The hardest part is setting an actual day as, if the conversation passes with a "yeah, let's do that sometime" and nothing cemented, you then have to attempt to go over the same ground or you're left wondering if they were just being polite but actually don't want to.

Oh yeah, she has more sense - she wouldn't waste money on a bikini! haha. Nah, she's not that bad. She's just one of those types that believes the best way to get a guy is to get her baps out.

She came around the other week with a dress that left little to the imagination. I made a passing comment about her boobs being on show, her response: I have a guy outside. Apparently that was sufficient. She's old enough to do what she wants, I just worry about what her 9 year old daughter will take from that.