I actually like that the book doesn't seem to be a mystery. She pretty much tells what the book is about and gives you the basic tools without owning the book, but the book is designed as kind of a workbook. If you're on her actual website there's an hour workshop session where she answers questions and talks about the book and how you essentially read through it one way, flip the book, and work through the activities. Sounds interesting anyway, I just wondered if anyone had read it know if there's anymore to learn from it than what she's already talked about.

One of my exes swore by the Secret, didn't appeal to me though.

I don't wink or nudge back anyone (whatever race they are), so you needn't worry from that front. I expect those guys you're winking at just don't see the point of that feature, just as I don't.

In terms of messaging you, as others have said, if it feels like it's going to be hard work, why would they? This message sounds like they have a fight on their hands to get you to see you're beautiful and sexy. Particularly as you seem to have some issues around race yourself. What's the fascination with white men? They're men, just the same. Right? Some men like to help build a woman's confidence, but most prefer a woman to believe that first and foremost before they'll believe it.

That's not to say they'll see your pictures and run, as I doubt that's the case. What they probably see is what you're saying and not want to get involved in that "drama", as Larsson puts it.

Relax, enjoy your time getting to know people, and don't put yourself down. It really has nothing to do with race at all and everything to do with confidence and loving yourself.

I'm not saying it should be a person's only guide in life as there are plenty of books to read and viewpoints to learn about. That doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong' with any particular mindset, it's just working out which way works best for you. Or cherry picking the methods that do work, and leaving the rest for someone else.

I hate that sound too! Eurgh. Rough around the edges: fine, imperfect: fine, creepy/gross: not fine.

I hope you find far better men to play with - you are certainly worthy of what you desire and what makes you happy

It's a book by Danielle LaPorte.

I actually stumbled across it as I'm subscribed to the Marie Forleo videos and she interviewed Danielle on the book she published last year (clearly marketing in anticipation of all those new year's resolutions to do better). This is the interview I watched: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/12/danielle-laporte-goals-desire/#ixzz2n5OvwLuT

I don't necessarily think it's entirely new thinking, and a lot of it is pretty self-explanatory (as most self-help books are), but I do love the way things are packaged. It's so easy to begin re-evaluating your thought process now, before you even read the book. There's an abundance of information around, such as on her website, that walks you through how to look at your current goals and whether they're really what you want.

Essentially, it takes the stress and pressure out of goal-setting because you're looking at the true reasons why you want them: "You're not chasing a goal, you're chasing a feeling", and forcing you to look at smaller ways of getting to where you want to be.

As I say, it's not exactly revolutionary, but it can feel revolutionary if you throw yourself into it - pretty much getting out of it as much as you put in. I'm certainly finding it very useful.

Has anyone read the book? Any thoughts you want to share on it?

I miss feeling wanted for who I am (even after knowing my faults), not what they want me to be.

Aw, that is cute too!

If you mean "over the top" being the kind that makes you think they really need a room, then yes I totally understand what you mean. It isn't particularly appropriate and I expect the only reason they haven't been arrested is because clothes still remain on. Just.

If you just mean kisses, hugs, sitting in laps... then I have no issue with that at all, whatever their sexuality. It can make you feel uncomfortable in the sense that it's a visual reminder of what you don't have, but it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable in terms of what they're doing. Sometimes it's nice to just see people happy and enjoying life.

Though a colleague of mine works in a theatre and she was talking about a couple who were supposedly watching a show but spent the whole time locking-lips. That just doesn't sound right, to me. People aren't there to see them, they're there to watch a show so it would be inappropriate (in my opinion).

Seriously, he said that? What planet is he from? It sounds like he's either changed significantly from when he was a teen and actually was desirable... Or he forgets that the people who meet him are thinking he'll be the person in the picture.

I'm the same - I try not to judge people based on their looks, but if they actually lie about what they look like (or post fake pictures) I'm not going to trust them. And there's certain things I can not deal with - poor hygiene is one of them. I'm not OCD about it, but daily showers/baths, brushing of teeth and deodorant are a must.

It also creeps me out when people eat with their mouths open or breathe heavily a lot (that wheezey/panting - excluding those people who actually have breathing problems). I don't know why it goes through me, but it does. And it sounds like he'd be one of THOSE guys...

FACE! Nice to see you :D



I couldn't help laughing at this! I suppose the RSPCA wouldn't approve of you giving Bruno Windeze, right? XD

Talk about shattering a fantasy! Lumpy must have been feeling so desperate to resort to such a stupid move... Poor you though!

I did see him and he's not a bad looking fella but I don't know how I'm expected to know from a 30 second conversation if I want to date him or even give him access to my phone number.

It felt like, if I messaged him, I was agreeing to something I wasn't even sure I wanted.

I think I was also turned off by his need to sit where he could watch the football. I hate football.

It's not terrible - some bugs are beautiful! I certainly think dragonflies and damselflies are anyway.



I have no idea what that word means...

I quite like it when I can use a guy's full name. It's so rare that people use them that it feels more intimate or personal if you're able to get away with using their full name. It's usually just mothers that do, so I feel special if I'm allowed too. I suppose it really depends on the name and the person though.

@kartagane: I must admit, I do use "darling" with children. I see a lot of them at work and it's become a term of endearment (which neither child nor parents seem to mind) though, I think originally it was a little tongue-in-cheek... it feels quite natural now though.

*Swoon.*

Not really a bouquet of flowers kind of girly though. They make me sad as I feel like I've just been given a plant corpse and I'm being forced to watch them decompose. I know flowers die off whilst still attached too, but it feels like a premature end if I'm gifted them once removed from their home.



I'll be sure to let you know!

I know what you mean. I generally don't mind people abbreviating my name, and I'm usually pleasantly surprised when people feel comfortable doing it. But sometimes it just feels inappropriate, like when bosses at work do it. Doesn't feel right.

I also find it interesting how accents and dialects can affect how certain words are used and interpreted but we've had two lads from Liverpool working at ours in the kitchen and both use similar terms like "babe" and "doll". One of them sounds really creepy (J) when he uses words like that (mostly because it's as if he's trying too hard), whereas the other guy (R) actually seems quite sweet. I don't normally like words like that, but I find I'm not remotely offended by R using them. Odd how it works that way.

When my colleague gave it to me, I shoved it in my apron expecting that it would be destroyed by wet cloths and spillages. Turns out it wasn't so I was forced to drop it into the bottom of my Aladdin's Cave of a bag... which is where it probably still is.

I've had friends who use terms like that naturally and it is quite sweet, whereas there are others that attempt the same thing but they just sound creepy.

In terms of partners using terms of endearment, I prefer it if it's something personal to you both. Like I have a friend who calls me "lib�lula" sometimes. I find it really sweet as it sounds beautiful when pronounced correctly (he's a Spaniard living in Manchester), and it's personal to me because of my love of dragonflies and having one tattooed on my wrist.

Maybe that isn't the point. Maybe that's where he'd be all really mean and say something like "Yeah, right. You think I'd seriously be interested? It was just a game, honey." Cue lots of evil laughter. :(

He's probably sat there with a group of guy friends talking about how many numbers they gave out and all sat around their phones waiting to see who gets a response first! I can imagine them laughing and slapping each other's backs... throwing money on the table for the "winner". Disgusting.