I still live alone, but I don't really feel all too alone. The DVR now records the strangest of things (Steve Wilkos, America's top model, Kardasians, and of course she has a kardasian phone now). Always fresh flowers in both houses, 4 stockings on the fo-place (plugged fireplace) each one being their favorite colours, pink, purple, green and yellow. 50 to 60+ text messages a day, an occasional photo of this and that, an occasional inclusion of one or more of her girls in her visits, and barely a day per week she isn't here. I fully expect that they wont be here until the day after Christmas, and am hoping for a new years eve with them and she knows to not just sit around when I'm asleep but to wake my a$$ up any time she's here. Oh, and under the pool table next to the Christmas tree, baby girl's toys. There's bits and pieces of them everywhere, reminding me that they are in my life, with the only down side that they keep leaving. That last part I'm workin on.

Heart trumps smart. In actual intelligence in fields I work in, it's pretty much a mans game and I'm pretty much at the top of that game, with few if any who even come close to keeping up. In that area, she follows and is encouraging and supportive. In matters of the heart, she pretty much owns me and admires as I make the business grow. I don't think I could ask for much more.

trouble

You already know.

notoriety is overrated.

If you are going on Judge Judy you need more than a haircut... Oh.. Never mind, I was thinking more of Jerry Springer.

constantly.

In my profession, I make things from thoughts, usually within a day of the first thought. This week, even, I redesigned a machine to use a different kind of bearing, to reduce friction and improve tolerances. More amazingly, I baked a cake for a special woman to whom I'm devoted, and got her kids involved in decorating it. We had a wonderful half-day together, except for the part where they left.

Bake, not buy, a Birthday cake.

Be afraid.

At least 2 days a year he does.

If you have to ask, either you already know, or if it's the same in every relationship, the problem is with you. So why ask?

Don't drink the kool-aid?

It wasn't me. I'm sorta grateful to live in a town of 13,000 people as opposed to 3 million formerly, on a freeway with 13 lanes, all going no where. Any time traffic does something weird here, I'm not thinking of how long it'll be before I can go forward one car length with no possibility of moving left or right. Small town folk who've never been outside of small town traffic don't know how good it really is.

Insanity isn't always a bad state to live in.

<=- is much prettier than me. So is the intended recipient. Over the past almost 2 years, I've pretty much varied the number of photos from maximum to none, from pictures of me, my pets, and various other things. In fact, I've noticed often that the "pictures that have touched me more were in fact not even pictures. One was simply a caption that I captured immediately because it was something I had hoped for. It read:

"Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else <3"

Did you learn anything about him that day?

I'm no saint, and have had my meltdowns, in particular last weekend. The difference today is only that I know as badly that she has been and is currently being bruised by people in her past that my only real option short of running would be to love without expectations. Sometimes that's challenging. Especially when we're close for extended periods, which is often... almost daily.



I actually have been pursuing for quite some time myself, and haven't really stopped. The only real difference for me is that I know what she needs, at least for today. She needs to feel beautiful and special. She needs to be her own person, and the direction and velocity is in her hands, not mine. So faith and understanding helps. Each day I get to understand a different thing about her, and occasionally her kids. Today was pretty obvious, with one important void that needs to be filled. Any holiday, including her up coming birthday, she needs to feel spoiled, because no one has done it for her in years. These are just a few things and to be realistic, the timeline for anything more formal is months away. The feelings are there, and it feels like there's a level of committment.



Not all of intimacy is physical contact. In fact, most of it is non-physical. In fact, I think I'm really starting to appreciate how slow this thing is going. A few years back, I heard it said differently, and it makes sense. In-To-Me-See.


I'm pretty much used to considerably more as well, and in many ways, this is the best I've had. None of what's slowing this down is me though, and it's more important for me to understand her and her needs, and as long as my focus is there, I'm okay, and I have faith the rest will follow in its own time. I'm not sure exactly what's happening with yours, to what degree of physical/emotional intimacy you're involved, and a few words to print is really very very little to go on.



I notice the occasional brick fall off of her wall. It's not about me cracking her shell. It's about her chosing to. It is about me noting her past, and things she's gotten used to not having and being giving in that area simply because she deserves it, and is special. She's pretty much guiding the pace entirely, not withstanding the flirts from both sides.



It'll be time when you settle for nothing less. He may catch on, may catch up, or perhaps in your next relationship, you'll do or not do something different, until you find the right mix. It's taken more than a year to get here, and about 7 months of knowing how I felt, protesting all along, about 4 to 5 months of her knowing, and several months of confusion, so no, it hasn't been easy. What has been a bonus, however, is that all along, I'm getting to know all 4 of them. In fact, there's a little Christmas story in there, although it was really my birthday story, as I turned 45 last friday the 13th.


So it was my birthday, and her and baby girl came over, each with a birthday card, and a t-shirt. I had no idea what happened in the store, but baby girl started to cry because she wanted a stuffed pony, and her mom let her chose between the pony for herself and the t-shirt for me. She chose for me, and being completely unaware of that, I went to a store later that night, and saw a stuffed pony. Yep, bought it. The rest is a memory to cherish.

First thought from a cursory look at the context of your posts and your profile, sex addict, probably accuses every woman of cheating before too long. Nothing in your profile seemed to suggest a desire for any level of commitment, and yet, you expect loyalty?

No one, not even my ex, is a real distraction from my current interest, who doesn't appear to have the least amount of jealousy, probably because she knows I'm owned. In fact, as my ex, who is currently suffering from her mental illness called in a very bad mental state, right in the middle of my day, I got a text from my current, and simply said what was going on. Her response? "I'll pray for her and we'll talk later". After that, we resumed with texting, and talked later, no harm, no foul, no negativity, no greedy whining over spousal support, simply put, not a threat. I complimented her over this situation and in fact, am proud of her for that. It's no accident that she has fresh flowers both here and where she lives, always. She deserves them.

Just some Mistletoe, strategically placed.