I find being on a few dating sites all i seen is nothing but way to much drama and head games that people play.

I have no clue how many times women would want my email and we chat on yahoo then a cell all i get is exscuses iam not ready ,or i been hurt,or iam to busy ,i can go on and on i must of heard every exscuse in the book.But again there the ones who are that interested in chatting and getting to know me.

Makes no sense huh u kind of figure are they doing this for attention and if so are they that alone that they have to play childish games and hurting others feelings but then they complaine its the man the is a player or plays games or cheats sorry ladys it works bouth ways it aint always the men .

Not that iam bashing the whole women race iam sure there are very few out there who dont judge for looks or are money hungry .

The way i was taught is that money dont by love nor it buys happyness the way i see it as longs as its enough to pay my bills roof over my head cloths on my back and food in the fredge iam happy with that.Iam so glad iam not one who sits there and judge others or play head games iam to old for that crap i figure if a person cant be real and honest then there not worth my time.

The question is where are all the good women?????

As far as i seen on seval differnt sites all they do is play head games or look for attention and one of my fav is iam not ready ,i was hurt to many times, i thought i was ready but iam not.

But then u ask them this question then why are u looking for a long tearm relationship if your not ready?.

Or why are u on a dating site if you dont plan on dating or meeting any one? Thease are many questions i had ask and the complain us men do all the head games and hurting.

And they wonder where all the real men are we are hiding iam did it for 4 years i have to admit this iam real and mind you ladys out there iam not bashing the whole women race im just pointing out what i have seen in the 4 years on thease sites.And iam sure there are a few out there who are good but like us men all it takes is a few bad apples to ruin itt for us good people.

John the toilet
Laid to rest at
Utah restaurant

CENTERVILLE, Utah (AP)
--John, a porcelain commode
gunned down in accidental
shooting at a fast restaurant’s
bathroom, has died.
His age was not immediately know.

The toilet was shattered by a bullet
Jan, 12 when a man’s gun fell from its
Holster as he was pulling up his pants,
Police said. Police do not plan to file
Criminal charges in connection with
The incident.

Christian Martinez, manager of the
Carl’sJr. Where john was gunned down

Held a memorial service Friday at the
Restaurant .He gave away bottles of John’s
Favorite toilet cleaner,Kaboom Bowl Blaster,
To the eatery’s first patrons.

A bountiful flower shop provided
A large floral arrangement.

”In all my years, I can say without a doubt
that I have never delivered for a toilet.”
Said deliveryman Doug Gramham,
“but I thought it was the funniest thing
I’ve ever heard. I got a kick out of it.”

Remnants of John hit and cut the gun owner’s
Arm , but he was not seriously injured.

Police blamed John’s death on the gun and style of the holster
The man was using.
‘He was survived by the men’s urinal and wash sink,”
said Martinez.”He left us way to soon.”

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half
discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!


Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well
developed and open to trade, especially for someone with
cash.


Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very
hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.


Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently
aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.


Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain ,
with a glorious and all conquering past.


Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has
been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
takes care of business.


Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada ,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.


After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful,
with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only
those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual
knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran ,
Ruled by Nuts.

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.

The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat

The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook

It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.

And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa ****head, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A **** ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will ****, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a *****!

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!

A Mexican, an American, and a Pollock are all in an airplane Flying over Mexico.

The Mexican drops a pear on his country.

When the American asks why he says he loves his country.

Then they're flying over the US and the American drops an apple.

When the Pollock asks why he says because he loves his country.

Then they're flying over the Pollock's country and the Pollock drops a bomb.

When the American and the Mexican ask why he says because he hates his country.

A while later the Mexican is walking the streets and he sees a boy who is crying.

He asks why and the boy says because a pear fell out of the sky and hit him on the head.

The American is walking the streets and he sees a little girl crying.

When he asks her why she says because an apple fell out of the sky and hit her on the head.

The Pollock is walking the streets and he comes to a man that is laughing.

When he asks him why the man says, "Because I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there.

While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies: "No!"

She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me."

She then layes him down and starts making love to him.

Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies, "No!"

The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him.

As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?"

John says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early"

The manager asks why and John replies "I'm 60 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.

Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he ****s on you."

Blonde's School Day


One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear."

Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"

The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear."

The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."
-------------------------------------------------
Blonde in an Internat Cafe


A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.

She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"

The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"

And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"

The guy says: "In that case follow me"

So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"

So she picks up his ****, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"

-------------------------------------------------



Blonde Ransom

A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door. The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.

The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door. A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor."

"What?" askes the blonde.

"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man.

The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door.

"Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.

The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.

As he steps out, he says "Hey hun? I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"
--------------------------------------------------


Drunk Blonde


A blond is driving down a deserted highway when she gets pulled over.

The cop gets out of his car and asks if she has been drinking and she replies "No".

So he radios the station and asks what to do.

The cop at the station says "Is she a blond driving a lipstick red corvet?" and the cop replies "Yes".

So the other cop says "What you do is tell her to get out of the car and pull out your **** as you walk up to her".

So the cop does exactlly what the other cop says. The blond gets out of the car and he whips out his ****.

The blond "sighs" and says please not another breathalizer test.
--------------------------------------------------

The Firing Squad

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde get captured and are placed before a firing squad.

They are about to be executed and the brunette says "Look...Hurricane" and points to her left while she gets away.

The redhead girl says "Look...Tornado", points and gets away.

Finally the blonde tries to do the same thing she says "FIRE"

A blonde, brunette and red head escaped from jail. They were being chased by the police. They were running through the streets when they saw an old barn. So they ran in and found three heshin bags. They all jumped in.

The coppers walked in the barn and saw the three heshin bags.
One copper goes to the other "Kick the heshin bags to make sure nothing's in them"

So the copper walks up to the heshin bag with the brunette and kicked it.

The brunette said "Meow Meow" and the coppers thought it was a cat and walked to the next heshin bag.

The copper kicked the second heshin bag with the red head in it.
The red head said "Woof Woof" so the coppers walked to the third heshin bag thinking a dog was in the second one.

The copper kicked the third heshin bag with the blonde in it.
And the blonde said "Potatoes".
--------------------------------------------------



A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
--------------------------------------------------


There are three moms. .

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.

They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"

They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.

Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

New AlphabetA is for apple, and B is for boat,That used to be right, but now it won't float!Age before beauty is what we once said,But let's be a bit more realistic instead.NowThe Alphabet


A's for arthritis;B's the bad back,C's the chest pains,perhaps car-d-iac?D is for dental decay and decline,E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!F is for fissures and fluid retention,G is for gas which I'd

H .. high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;I .. for incisions with scars you can show.J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,K is for knees that crack when they bend.L is for libido, what happened to sex?M is for memory, I forget what comes next.N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!


P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.


S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!U is for urinary; troubles with flow;V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know

W for worry, NOW what's going 'round?X is for X ray, and what might be found.Y for another year I'm left here behind,Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, andI'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY.

For those of you with little ghosts and goblins in your lives.

Don't eat the chocolate coin candies!

The little chocolate coins are not safe for kids to eat this Halloween.
They are made in China and contain the Melamine that children’s deaths were related to recently.

With Halloween coming soon, pass this on to your family and friends.

Sherwood's Milk Chocolate Pirate's Gold Coins from China contain melamine.
It is true, Read the full story at the following link from Snopes:

http://www.snopes.com/food/warnings/coins.asp

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your ****
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.

So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation."

"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? "

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes

Blonde on the Highway,

One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You retard that's your air freshener."


Blonde in Space




A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"






The Flying Lesson




A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan..."



Blondes Good Day




A Blonde is having a great day.

She is walking towords the elivator and notices it's leaving.

She starts to run, but a man holds it for here and she makes it.

When she's inside she starts thinking 'I'm in a really good mood, Ill share it with that man' Then says "T-G-I-F!"

The man looks at her and says "S-H-I-T"

The blonde is startled then says "T-G-I-F" again.

The man, again, says "S-H-I-T"

The blonde says "No, T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness Its Friday!"

The man replys "No, S-H-I-T, Sorry Honey Its Thursday

This guy goes to a super market and goes to isle 12 and asks for a box of condoms.

The lady askes "what size" and the guy says "I don't know" so the lady askes him to pull down his pants.

The lady tugs a few times and says "you need a box of x-large condoms".

So this guy hears behind him and he asks for a box of condom's, and the lady says "what size" and the guy says I don't know.

So the lady asks him to pull down his pants.

The lady tugs a few time and says "get a box of medium condoms"

So this teenager in isle 11 hears and wants some of the action.

So he goes to isle 12 and asks "can I have a box of condoms"

The lady asks "what size" and the teenage says "I don't know"

So the lady asks him to pull down his pants .

When he does, the lady tugs a few times, stands up and announces "Clean up in isle 12"

Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know."

Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. "OH Santa, won't you please stay?" she queried . Taking a long look, Santa sighed and said "Ho- ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know."

Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said invitingly "Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?"

With a pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said "Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know." And with that, he turned and left. Several minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful woman.

"Santa---you decided to stay??" she asked.

Santa grinned, looking at his crotch and said "Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney THIS way!"

The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:

Has to work hard
Has to work at great depths
Has to work upside down
Has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work
Has to work in a high humidity environment
Has to work at high temperatures
Does not get weekends and holidays off
Does not get time off after extra hours of work
Has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness

Request denied for the following reasons:

Does not work 8 hours in a row
Does not answer immediately to all requests
After a short activity period, falls asleep at work
Shows no fidelity to the workplace
Retires too early
Does not work at all unless pushed from behind
Does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work
Sometimes leaves work, too early