I wish you'd have been with me to tell me that a month or so ago. She was like 20 years different from the pic. I only recognized her because she likes to wear large dangling earrings. I went through with the dinner. I even paid but what a bummer.

men want.

A man found a bottle on the beach and naturally opened it and a genie popped out.

The genie told him that since he found the bottle by accident he could have only two wishes and not the usual three.

The man thought about it for a minute and then said, "Well "I'd like to get a lot of a$$."

"OK, said the genie and what is your second wish?"

The man answered, "I'd like to be hard all the time."

So the genie turned him into a toilet seat.

I meant MILFs, not hunters. LMAO

Are there many in Kentucky?

period

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life".

"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account".

"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each".

"However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him....

"You screw her again!"

Damn, I wish we'd have had the Internet when I was in the military.

Well, if she makes the chemicals in my "test tube" light up......

Don't get your dander up.

Call Peccy.

Just wait until you get older; then they know what they want:
For you to work your ass off
Not drink, not smoke, not want a little bedroom action
to still be "faithful" to only them
and to allow your escape only if:
they get the house
the car
and the bank accounts
And you're only 18.

Well, I usually tip but I'd have to agree with you on that one. It's more like a Chineses restaurant excepting that the Chinese waitresses will help if asked.

I posted instructions here.
I cannot email you because you have 47 set as the upper limit.
That's OK but obviously some of us older guys know things, are good looking and are in shape. R O T F L M A O

I just viewed your profile; check again.
My Account tab > Profile box upper left with your pic in it > 3rd item down > Who's Viewed Me (Should be a number to its right showing how many people viewed you - click on it).

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $ 2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "Indeed I am."

The man replies, "Well wash your damn hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

Where can we find more stuff by this writer?

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two a$$es come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two a$$es, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this any more, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly. 'In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives.

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'.'

$5.00 says you're gonna read this again

As it turned out - no one ever knew until after he died - my dad was 20 years older than my mom and she could never keep up. He never looked it nor acted it. Age is just a %^&*(I number and like math many people seem to have trouble with numbers.

George Carlin never waffled.
He always told it like it is.