Basic training during Vietnam. Before going in I'd cracked a vertebrae, in fact it was the second time. I was in excellent physical shape otherwise and could run a 4 minute mile but I couldn't do push ups. Damn drill instructor came over and stepped on my back; the pain was so bad I passed out. I'd still like to kill the bastard 40 years later.

That's weird, no pic a minute ago. Must be all the ice. LOL

Ah, the lady from St. Louis is as wise as ever. So where's your pic?

Bailouts and Parachutes
If you are not smart enough to get the former, you still get a chance at the latter. You try to guide your chute into new and profitable positions on your way down and if not successful you land in deep doo doo.

A woman decided to celebrate her 40th birthday with a makeover. She went to the best plastic surgeon in town and got a boob lift, a tummy tuck, butt implants, botox, collagen... the works.

Ten weeks and thousands of dollars later, she was a new woman -- literally. Her personal physician then performed her annual physical, noticing the new "body work." When the exam was finished, he called her in. " Your overall health is good, but I want to discuss a problem that often affects women your age, osteoporosis."

The lady looked puzzled. "Osteo--what?"

"Bone loss. Many women start to experience it in their 40s."

She giggled, blushed and said, "Oh, really, Doc. You've seen me naked. Trust me, with this body and this face, I get new bones quite often!"

OMG, Dave Barry has been at it again.

I like to flirt with the cashiers. It pisses off the people behind me but it makes the day for me and the cashier. (:-!

This may be your last chance to really do something for Vietnam Veterans. They Show you care.

"That he actually has the lead at this point DESPITE all the ignorance out there really is commendable - it almost restores my hope for America!"

What's ignorant is all those people who think he is some kind of "messiah". Just leave off the last 3 letters and you'll see how he'll F*ck up the government. And don't ask me to send my son for military service when this country is surely going to need it. Someone in my family has served since the Revolution but it stops with me. You liveral a$$holes can go to Reverend Wright's church and ask for volunteers. I'm sure you'll find plenty.

"Now, now, anyone who can get personal property taxes off of peoples' homes is quite unique and intelligent.banana Part of the home real estate mess is those godforsaken taxes........I pay $400 a month on my little house!!"

As is anyone who pals around with terrorists, has questionable citizenship, is married to a real ***** and still too many people think he should be president. Give me Palin any day.

You've been caught and don't know it.
_____________________________________
Catching Wild Pigs

A chemistry professor in a large college had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist government.

In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, 'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?'

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. 'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up fence on another side. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America. The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc.. While we continually lose our freedoms -- just a little at a time.

One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

Also, if you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life then you will probably delete this email, but God help you when the gate slams shut!

In this 'very important' election year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you!!

Just maybe you will be able to tell who is about to slam the gate on America.

Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come and fix it.

Joe drives to Obama's house, which is located in a very nice neighborhood and where it's clear that all the residents make more than $250,000 per year. Joe takes his tools into the house and is led to the room that contains the leaky pipe under a sink. Joe assesses the problem and tells Obama, who is standing near the door, that it's an easy repair that will take less than 10 minutes.

Obama asks Joe how much it will cost.

Joe immediately says, "$9,500."

"$9,500?" Obama asks, stunned. "But you said it's an easy repair!"

"Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free," explains Joe. "It's always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied government to pass this philosophy as law, and it did pass earlier this year, so now all plumbers have to do business this way. It's known as 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act of 2008.' Surprised you haven't heard of it, senator."

In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves.

Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book looking for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses listed have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Joe's price, Obama does nothing.

The leak under Obama's sink goes unrepaired for the next several days. A week later the leak is so bad that Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and there's a risk that the room will flood, so Obama calls Joe and pleads with him to return.

Joe goes back to Obama's house, looks at the leaky pipe, and says "Let's see – this will cost you about $21,000."
"A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!" Obama quickly fires back.

Joe explains the reason for the dramatic increase. "Well, because of the 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act,' a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing I'm doing for the people who make less than $250,000. As a result, the rate I have to charge my wealthy paying customers rises every day.

"Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work from the group of people who get it for free has skyrocketed, and there's a long waiting list of those who need repairs. This has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, and they're not being replaced – nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they won't make any money. I'm hurting now too – all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won't pay their fair share."

Obama tries to straighten out the plumber: "Of course you're hurting, Joe! Don't you get it? If all the rich people learn how to fix their own plumbing and you refuse to charge the poorer people for your services, you'll be broke, and then what will you do?"

Joe immediately replies, "Run for president, apparently."

been waiting for you to ask

Garden Grass Snakes, also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here's why: A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream!

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.

About that time, the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.

After a while he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, and the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small shot of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the base of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new cruiser, and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV when the weather lady announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night. That's when he shot her!

THE END

20 pages
sorry for mode rudeness
but where do you find the time

I'd be wondering what if I ever saw you before your operation and if you've been to Thailand.

He may have died but it wasn't from a yeast infection; only women get these. More than likely his doughballs got stuck to his thighs and when he rose to the occasion he strangled himself.

I've got frozen blueberries here, blueberry pomegranate juice, blueberry ice cream, blue plums, blue prunes, blue balls from looking at all these women so far away and occasionally a blue arse from eating all that blue food. ROTFLMAO

Well, I finally bought a Harley XL 1200 R Sportster aka the Roadster. This is the one that is closest to the traditional motorcycle look. I outfitted it with a very comfy seat, removable tail rack and quick detachable windshield. I've put 3000 miles on it in only a month and yes it does vibrate but it is also damned fast, corners exceptionally well for such a heavy bike and the gas mileage is fantastic. So far so good.

For the life of me I cannot understand why anyone would take a site that was among the best anywhere and intentionally screw it up. This mingle2 is exceedingly slow, the color sucks and it just doesn't work as well as JustSayHi did.


Why didn't they just use the complete programming from JustSayHI, rename it and change the color though in my opinion - and I have considerable experience with this - the blue and white scheme was much easier on the eyes and more professional looking.


But the speed, or lack of it, is the killer. I think I am going to log out permanently. What did you people do - sell out to Bill Gates.