How women scare men. Oh yes ladies, you scare us before you get to know us.

Here is a small list of the things you do that scare us.

1. Tell us you're looking to get married.
2. Tell us you like to go to expensive places.
3. Tell us you have kids at home but you're really not looking for their next daddy...NOT.
4. Tell us that you're looking for an honest faithful man. (note: this tells us you have trust issues)
5. Tell us that we need to be "financially secure" before you know us. This tells us one of two things. Either you are a gold digger or you are insecure about your own finances.
6. Tell us that you want us to be "friends first". What does this mean? It tells us some things maybe we don't want to know.
7. Tell us a lot about your pets and what they mean to you. Who is more important here - us or the pets? We are confused.
8. Tell us you are too inept to upload your photo in your profile.
9. Tell us you have only one "good" photo of you that you like, and that's the one in your profile.
10. Tell us that all the things that you want in a man that tells us you have a huge attitude about men and whatever we do will never be good enough.

Ladies, I hope you will take all of this in the humor in which it's offered.

Gentlemen, this is a very incomplete list. What things scare you about women when you read their profiles?

Most men suffer under the illusion that they're great kissers and lovers. Women fear telling them that they aren't that good and don't want to hurt their feelings.

It works the other way around. I met a woman with a mouth large enough to engulf half my face. I'm sure she thought she was good but she wasn't. I feared telling her that.

Part of the mating ritual is finding the right mouth match. When I find a woman whose mouth and kissing style fits mine perfectly I get very interested. Of course there is more to life than perfect kissing but without it why would you want to mate with this person anyway?

You really need to explore why you're not sexually attracted to your husband anymore. Is he boring sexually, not as adventurous as you, or his libido doesn't match yours?

I can tell you this from experience. You're on the verge of becoming roommates with your husband. You share a bed and a bank account. It's comfortable because you know what you have but it's not very exciting.

One of you will eventually leave this relationship and I suspect it will be you unless you change things. Somehow you need to break the news to your husband that you need more sexually and see what he's willing to do. There are lots of ways to spice up your sex life with him and maybe you haven't really tried them all.

Sometimes spouses are asleep at the wheel. They are satisfied with the relationship as it is and really don't know how unsatisfied you are unless you express it to them.

To me a healthy sex life with your mate is an essential ingredient to keep the relationship bonded. My ex lost me because she couldn't make romance and sex a priority. She's a good person and has lots of other interests. She was asleep at the wheel and she lost me. She wasn't paying attention...something she now readily admits.

Find a way to start talking to your husband about this. Leave the kids at home and go away for a romantic weekend somewhere. Bring all your sexy playthings with you. Plan on trying new things with him. Give it a try with him before you become really unhappy and leave your marriage.

I don't think you need to spill your guts but you need to be honest and say that your life situation is challenged right now.

You still would like to meet them but if what you're dealing with is too much for them to handle then you understand. That's about all you can do.

People talk about the charm of small town life but this is one of the reasons I don't find it so charming. Everyone knows everyone's business or feels they need to know it. It's tough to have some privacy. Everyone will only meet you if you're in the same level of the social pecking order.

While I was married to a small town girl, she moved to the big city. I could never live where she grew up. Small towns are for retirees and people who are already married. For them it's bliss. For the rest of us it isn't.

People change cell phone numbers for only two reasons.

1) To avoid bill collectors.
2) To avoid people they don't want in their life anymore.

I think you know which one applies here.

I had the interesting experience to go back to the place where I grew up and look up two old friends from high school. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I hesitate to tell you how long ago it was since I was in high school but it was more than one generation ago.

One of the guys I never would have recognized if I'd seen him in an airport. He'd gained some weight and his hair was all gray with a big beard. In high school he was a tall skinny redhead. Three marriages and four children had definitely changed him but underneath I could see the intellect that was there when he was young.

The other guy was much the same as he was in high school. Same sense of humor and same mannerisms. He'd been happily married for a long time and had 4 kids. Life hadn't aged him as much. He's still a car nut and still has his '72 Corvette that he bought new. He and his wife go cruising just like they did back then.

I guess the question of what I do for a living bothers me so much because most women wouldn't understand what I do for a living. I could answer the question and then they would go Huh? They don't have the knowledge to understand and they are kidding themselves if they think they do.

I think a better starting point in the conversation is mutual interests. I'm very interested in music, dancing, wine, history, outdoors, and a lot of other things.

I'm interested in knowing where you grew up, what kind of childhood you had, how you feel about your family and your ex, what you do with your spare time, what your current struggles are, and the list goes on.

We could find lots of things to talk about before we ever got around to talking about occupations and finances. I think starting with asking about occupations shows a lack of imagination but that's only my opinion. Be imaginative in the questions you ask. Smart guys like me really appreciate that.

Marvin Gaye, Al Green, Al Garreau, Sade, Anita Baker. Those are on my current mood music playlist.

The blues can be very sexy too. Old jazz standards warm me right up. I met a woman the other night who reminded me of Satin Doll by Duke Ellington. She's a satin doll alright. I sent her the song since she'd never heard it. I think she liked me doing that.

I've never gotten any mean and nasty emails. I did have one guy who wrote me because he accused me of name calling in one of threads. I told to go back and re-read the discussion because it was HIM, not me, who started the name calling. I had the proof and he didn't.

So it goes. I'm generally a nice guy but I refuse to be anyone's doormat. Be nice to me and you get lots of nice back at you.

My parents were Ozzie and Harriet. I'm Ricky.

Ed Sullivan and all the great acts he brought to us - The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Beach Boys, and many others. Comics like Flip Wilson, Bill Cosby and George Carlin. It's too bad there isn't a show like that around anymore.

I was recounting with a woman I dated the other night all the shows we watched when we were little kids. Howdy Doody, Soupy Sales, Hopalong Cassidy, The Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, The Marx Brothers. I'm sure you'll remember some others.

There also were events that we watched on TV that will forever be a part of us. Do you remember where you were and what you were doing when JFK was assassinated? What about watching news reports from Vietnam, Civil Rights marches, and other major social changes that happened in the 60's?

I seldom watch TV now outside of movies and the news. I don't find much of interest on it anymore.

You don't have to give a reason unless you really want to but then that leads to the path of further discussion which you're trying to avoid.

I think you'd like to give the lad some closure so he'll do better with someone else. Whatever it is that he lacks for you he may not lack for another. It's just you and your preferences.

Just say I'm sorry but it's not working for me. I know you have feelings for me but I can't reciprocate and have the same feelings for you. You deserve a woman who has feelings for you and I'm sorry that I don't.

Good Bye.

I have no idea. You look cute and since you're in college I'll assume you're intelligent. Those would be two prime ingredients for most guys to ask you out on a date.

I dunno why these guys are having a problem getting your phone number and asking you out. Maybe since they are college students they don't have money?

Seriously, you could be sending these guys subtle messages that you're unapproachable and even if they took you on a date they wouldn't get to first base with you. A man, unless he's nuts, is not going to spend a lot of time on a woman who is sending him signals that she's really not that interested in him.

Fran, I wouldn't want to see it hijacked either. It's a great topic.

It's fine to have different opinions but let's draw the line at name calling eh?

Now onto the discussion.

I'd rather be called a pompous prat that a cranky crackpot anyday.

Then I don't think you're empowering the other person to succeed in the next relationship and do better.

Closure doens't need to come immediately at the end of a relationship. That may be the most difficult time to do it. Sometimes it comes months later.

Just like a couple getting a divorce, they should remember what was good about being together and they are also very clear about the challenges they couldn't overcome.

As for you Waterloo, you're a lost cause. I pity the woman that finds you..and then runs away.

First let's define what closure is and what it isn't. There seems to be confusion over the term means so let's clear it up.

Closure isn't necessary if after the 2nd or 3rd date you decided you don't want to see someone anymore. They don't need closure. They need to go find someone else to date.

Closure comes at the end of a long love relationship. You can't have a closure discussion until you've both decided to breakup. You've had the last fight or whatever it was that lead to the final demise of your relationship. You've agreed breaking up is the best thing to do. After that, there usually is some sort of a closure discussion, where you both talk about the relationship so you can learn more about what happened, to help you do better with your next relationship.

Closure means that you find a resolution to a situation. You hardly ever want that resolution to be a "get lost"! That's not healthy, if the only way you can deal with a sad situation is to completely get rid of anything having to do with it. What if you had a fight with a family member :) Your aim should be to find a HEALTHY closure, which means you talk about what went wrong, appreciate the things that went well, learn something from it all, and then go on being friends and sharing the good parts. If every relationship ended by saying "it was all awful, nothing was good, get lost" then you don't really learn anything and grow.

Closure is very important, and closure involves talking honestly about what went on in this whole situation. So find a neutral place that it's quiet and you can talk together. Have a good meal first so you're full and comfortable. Then talk! Talk first about the *good* things. Go over the good things you had together, the fun times you had. Talk about the things that were special in the relationship. It's very important to understand what the good was, so you remember those things for future use. Those are the positive things you learned from this relationship.

Then, after you've gone through those, talk about the *challenges* you had. Don't make them into "bad things". They were things that challenged your relationship that you were not able to find solutions to. Don't make it into a "you refused to do laundry!" kind of accusation. That serves no purpose. But make a list of things that together you could not overcome. So things like "we couldn't agree on an equitable division of chores that we both could live with." You can both agree that was a problem, without getting into the details, and now you know that this is something that you have to work on in the future. Because every challenge that isn't met is because the two people couldn't agree on a solution or find a compromise, meaning that at least some of the responsibility falls on each individual.

At the end, you should still treasure the good! And there's no reason you can't keep being friends and talking. And now that you understand better the challenges that you faced and weren't able to work on, you'll know to watch for those in your next relationship. So your next relationship should have a better chance, because of the knowledge you've gained.

Maybe you're just trying to hard and that's coming across to women. Women don't like a man who seems desperate. You need to relax buddy.

My advice is this. Try finding places to go where women like to go and men seldom travel. Art museums, art fairs, flea markets, and the rest. Loads of women and little competition.

Learn how to dance and go dancing. Women love men who will dance with them. If you really like one of them, get her phone number or email address.

Try finding a woman who wants a friend to do things with. If nothing else you won't be lonely anymore.

It's not pop psychology. It's real psychology. If you really cared about someone then you'd tell them why it's over. Otherwise you never really cared about them in the first place.