At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?"

Most of the hands go up.

"And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?"

About half the hands stay up.

"Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?"

Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.

"Gosh, that's pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh..., been *intimate* with a ghost?"

One hand stays up. The speaker blinks.

"Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?"

The fellow suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry,... I thought you said goat!"

Two rednecks were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?"

The other replies, "He had a farm."

The first asks, "How do you spell it?"

To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."

1. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

2. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

3. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat. Then ask where he bought his cool hat

4. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

5. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

6. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."

7. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"

8. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.

9. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.

10. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

11. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.

12. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.

A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states "This bull mated 50 times last year. The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year,isn't that nice!."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!! You could really learn from this one."

The annoyed man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

My bed is hollering to me!! Im exhausted.. this work and college life is for the birds!!!

cya tomorrow!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

My favorite one is a guitar pic my brother had on his forearm. When he passed away i had it put over my heart, added his initials and a teardrop.

Who has them? who dont? Do you like them, or why not??? How many ya got and what of??

I have 7 tattoos, looking for #8
I have anything from roses, to butteflies, to a naughty tinkerbell on my tailbone....

share and tell please???

Nice write Sully....

thats like suckin on a damn pine tree

In the back???????????????????

In all reality... it's just a fantasy

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

what??? no double dog dare?

Thats just hilarious.. Vassalboro not that far from me

sorry

Operating Under the Influence

from a fellow mainah!!!


ATTA BOY!!!

lotsa ketchup!!!

and y'all should try some sweet potatoe fries

As you should be..she done well!!! CONGRATS!!!

Prolly a foot???????????????