1. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

2. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

3. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat. Then ask where he bought his cool hat

4. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

5. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

6. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."

7. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"

8. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.

9. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.

10. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

11. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.

12. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy-from the Village People band?

4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job.

5. I though you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

7. Bad cop, no donut.

8. You're not going to check the trunk are you?

9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.

12. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonalds?

13. I pay your salary.

14. So uh, you on the take or what?

15. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

16. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far ahead they are.

18. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" YOU'RE the trained specialist.

19. Well officer, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

20. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

21. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

22. No, YOU assume the position.

23. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts is having a 3 for 1 special!

24. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?

25. No, offi, offic, lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.

26. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110mph.

27. Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

28. But officer, I've got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different states! Pick ONE!

29. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!

30. On the way to the station, let's get a six pack, oh and don't forget the cigs.

31. Come on, write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

32. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?

33. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

34. So that's what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone mean?

35. What do you use those rubber gloves for anyway?

OMG that was funny sh*t..

"Tell him you were driving because you were to drunk to walk "

at least they could say "Stick em up this is a robbery".... that's be closer to the truth. Oh wait its about "Safety"...lol

in my experience i have learned that "pissing off a Cop" is a kin to Kicking a 1200 pound sleeping Grizzley Bear Square in the nuts with yer steel toed wolverenes. and i got the scars to prove it...LOL


Luckily no felonys tho.

When he ask you "Where's the fire"say it's in your eyes

when he says your eyes look red have you been drinking, respond your eyes look glazed have you been eating donuts