Well I would write ya, but your email has all these restrictions. Women.

Sorry.....after reading this I can tell you that he is just not that into you.

"Play Dead"- HIM

Well this was God's punishment to all women.....man shall fall asleep with a death grip on the remote....the channel stuck on so soft core porn....darn you Moses!

She believes the remote to the TV should be shared.....while he believes that this is breaking the 11th commandment.....you know....that one commandment that was left out of the bible all because Moses fell asleep and forgot to write about it.

I was once called "One Hung Low". I saw no problem with this.

Well, your local grocery store is a good place. Pay close attention to what the lady is buying...see how healthy she is. Start the conversation with, "My! What big melons you have"...all the while looking at the Watermelons she is placing in her buggy. She will looked stunned at first, but then she will laugh and you are in!

1. Today, this is easy to handle (via rejection) in that texting is the norm. As such, if you have zero interest, you simply do not respond. Emails fall into this as well. However, back in the days, you simply had to man up....or send a note that said "No". Yeah, it was harsh but telling someone no usually is.

2. Ahhhh....the friend zone....because this is exactly what this is. This person is the friend (of the opposite sex) who is awesome....but either their looks hold you back or you simply see them as a sister/brother type. You do love this person...just not in the romantic way. You may have tried it once in the past with this person, but it just didn't click. You have to risk telling them that it wasn't the same for you and hope that they can be happy in the friend zone. If not, you more than likely won't see that person ever again.

3. I had this happened to me...at one point I dated three girls back to back to back....and all three fell into this catagory. In all three cases the sex was great but at times the disagreements would be brutal. I simply had to break it off, and none of these break offs was pretty....meaning they hated me for a bit. I still talk to two of them on occasion and the other is married now and feels I am a big jerk (all because I was honest...she couldn't handle me breaking it off with her).

When I was in my early twenties, I wanted a relationship that was based on the fact that we were totally in love. Like that "She is the one, and there ain't no one else" type love.

Now? At 44.....I will take what I can get.

Flavors eh? Let's break this down.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough- Best flavor ever.....but it has become such a normal thing that it has lost its' luster. Maybe spruce it up with some naughty Oreo's, or M&M's....oh yeah. Now I can dig it.

Vanilla- It's like dating your Momma....or rather it is the flavor you can bring home to your parents. Chocolate fits here too. Still, both need love. So it would be a possibility.

Okay....there are like more than 31 flavors and I don't have time to go into all of them. So, that said, I basically see what is going on here. We all have the flavors we are comfortable with, and we all normally go for those comforts. However, the right one could be the one that is the one that we think is the wrong one.......right? I am so confused now. I will have three scoops of butterscotch please.

Having balls means gutsy, which means you put yourself out there. Or you have the balls to stand up for something. I feel you have this within ya.

Mine looks like I am ticked off at someone.....maybe I was upset with the photographer? Lol

Adele comes to mind. Michael Bolton takes a ton of crap, but his voice sounds great live and is unique. And who could ever forget the vocal mastery of Weird Al Yankovic? Lol

Actually, some of the new rock music is pretty good. Still, nothing can beat good ole Barry Manilloooooooooooo.......er um Slayer. Love me some Slayer.

Well....we have evolved since the caveman "Ugh! Woman. Me like you" phase, followed up with a club to the head of said woman. Yeah...we have moved along (ever so slowly) to just "Hi".....it's our bashful phase. Plus....don't you remember leaning history of how the original "Me too" movement started and ended all the clubbing to the woman's head thing? See....men can be taught.

Oh I do so admire a woman with balls.....not literally having balls mind you.....it's just an expression......but anyways......how bout them Yankees?

The Golden Globes are basically Hollywood's way of saying "Hey! We are sorry that we have people of power who have done some heinous things to women or men....so now we are taking a show that is supposed to be about awards for our work and turning it into a political thing.....which we would have done anyway because we hate Trump but this "me too" thing took precedence....."

"Get ready for it"- Take That

Oh I can't stand to be the cause of someone hurting because of me. However, Pepto Bismol loves me because I buy a crap ton of it due to my stomach being in knots. So I guess I am helping out the economy. Go me.

Best convo I ever had on a first date:

Her:" So what are you doing this weekend? I mean...other than meeting me of course. (She smiled and laughed)

Me: "Well tomorrow I am waking up, probably take a nice dump, then get motivated....plan my day out....have a murder to do at 8PM on Saturday night".

Her: "How long does it take to plan the murder?"

Me: "Well, you have to be very detailed oriented....a bit ****...."

Her: "I like ****!"

Me: "Me too.....but you have to be really good at it....."

Her: "I know right! Takes patience....can't be all rushing hard and heavy into it....."

Me: "This is true.....but back to the murder planning....."

Her: "Ahhh yes....please...continue......"


Yes....this really did happen....and I actually dated this girl for a while.....she totally lied.....about the whole **** thang. Sheesh!