Spiritual

In selecting a partner, I want someone who believes in the same God that I am believing, who knows him and who has a strong faith in him.. I want to make God as the center of our relationship... I believe that without him all else will fail

Can I pick all of the above?
None are static, people are dynamic and one quality may be dominate now but not later.

I don't think in terms of looking for a certain trait.
I want her to be a whole person.
She will be herself and these specific qualities will ebb and flow naturally.

The willingness and desire to seek out and work on identifying and/or building connections.


Otherwise I wonder if what you're "really" asking is "what would be the top choice for a connection through interests shaping your self image?"

Immediate connections are based mostly on the drive for sex.
But since sex is generally taboo in most cultures people have to come up with ways to rationalize what is driving them.
"Oh, it's not that they're attractive and I want to impregnate/be impregnated by them, nope, uh, we, uh, connect on a deeper level! Yep, not about that dirty sinful eww sex stuff at all. I'm a higher organism in control of my choices. I'm looking for connections, not being driven to see them by hormones. Nope. Not me. That's for lesser people."

When you are attracted to someone you are flooded with chemicals that make you happy, high, more open minded, overlooking flaws and things you don't have in common to find things you do to perpetuate the interaction. Gregarious. That's an extremely important word in its connotations. You look for connections.

If you aren't sexually attracted to them but you happen to have a connection or a bunch of connections to them through any commonalities (valuing the physical, spiritual, emotional, or intellectual, etc.) you tend to say things like "I love you, but not in love with you," or, "I like you as a friend," or, "you're like a brother/sister to me."

Then you stop focusing on the commonalities, the connections, and those things you don't have in common, where you aren't connected, start ranking in the hierarchy, start motivating behavior more, helping to create boundaries.


Doesn't matter.
Everyone has commonalities and potential connections with every other human being on the planet.
IMO what's more important is what drives the search for connections and the valuing of them. And for potential partners that are going to last longer than the next exciting connection that comes along, it's not driven by personal conscious choice.

For me it’s a whole of things, but it’s a fact that everything that take your attention is by what you see

Communication, that includes comfortable silence too.

I've enjoyed relationships with differing degrees of all of those traits fairly equally. I think the key, for me, is being at ease with their priorities varying from mine. And their acceptance of the same.

So, he can pray while I read and I'll respect his devout faith as long as he doesn't try to make me join his cult.

When I was in my early twenties, I wanted a relationship that was based on the fact that we were totally in love. Like that "She is the one, and there ain't no one else" type love.

Now? At 44.....I will take what I can get.

I believe how the attraction usually starts is physical and what our eyes can see but to have that long and lasting relationship , I am just curious what aspect holds it more together. Will it be intellectually as the couples are in tune with each other’s thoughts or emotionally that they feel what’s going on with each other and acts on it or by faith that a higher power has that hand that brought them together therefore they believe? I have read a book a long time ago about compatibility and choosing the right person. The book stated those aspects to consider and what does one prioritise is important too. So what do you think holds the relationship together? There would be different answers for everybody as we are all our own person. Our top choice in the relationship aspects will seem to be for each one of us, the key (I guess). If I don’t make sense I apologise in advance lol . This was just a spur of the moment topic that I thought of which I really didn’t think much about till I’ve read the comments. I just think it would be an interesting poll/topic. Thanks guys blessings to all.

As I said:
“Love isn’t enough for a lasting relationship “”

It’s a whole of things, intimacy, partnership, supporting, be that person at your side in every aspect of your life

Intellectual.

Good conversations with someone whom has an open mind and doesn't just dismiss things because they are uncomfortable or the topic goings against what they were raised to believe.

Never apologize for being yourself It makes sense Sis.. when I am looking for a patrner that's the first thing that I am going to consider the Spiritual.. even though he has lots of things if he doesn't believe in the same God.. he will just be a friend (I don't want to change the person, that is why I prefer if he's like that even before I meet him)

Next is emotional.. I want soneone who understands me and who has a good character

Then intellectual.. I am attracted to intelligent and wise people

The last will be physical.. don't care about someone's appearance but somehow it's still included .. I was bullied before.. don't want that to happen to my future kid


Anyway, the most important is you are jiving and love is present...

From a Filipina to another sweet and sensitive Filipina.... thanks so much Angel for understanding. I do think our culture here has something to do with our own connection lol I was just bored last night and didn’t have patience to look for a mind stimulating topic that’s why I posted this I was not even thinking about love but just remembered the book I read before during my period of freedom from a failed marriage. I know love is never enough to sustain a long and lasting relationship I hope the luck guy will find you soon and appreciate you for the lovely person that you are

I would just like to feel a deep connection with somebody.... a true connection...
Sometimes you think you have it and then you think maybe not... so you start the process over again. But maybe you just need to spend more time on the connection you do have.. but what do I know...lol

Our internet connection sucks lol I guess it’s like a relationship too sometimes it’s optimal and often times bad... and that what I know

how sad... Setting yourself up for failure before it even starts... You should believe in yourself first...that's something real

A formula for when to give more and when to say when would be nice. Maybe they'll find that with the Holy Grail.

Ok so now I do think it’s time to connect... with myself. i am the only person who could love me as I am the only person who can understand myself and if there comes someone who would want to stay long enough to understand me and still likes what he knows then that will be pure magic

Amen! I am african, i agree with both of you. I love you sisters

"what aspect holds it more together."

That is the real crux of your questions here.

I have come to believe that the reason some people stay together while others discard each other, is most of all related to what they are trying to do when they get into things with you.

If you or the other person is trying to get a list of desires fulfilled, like a checklist of sensual satisfactions, or of financial goals, or societal status, they wont ever really feel all that tied to you, or you to them. The relationship will always be one of service contract fulfillment, and never have any meaning past the latest installment.

I wouldn't all that a "spiritual" aspect, mainly because too many people hear "spiritual," and think "religious."

I guess the closest I can come, is to say that what makes things work, is that both people decide that what they want to do, is make things work. That's why I say that what makes a marriage work, is that both people enter into it specifically because they want to BE MARRIED, and not because they are using the marriage as a sort of trick or a payment, in order to get something ELSE that they want.

Thank you Sis.. that's what I am also hoping but if ever that one day I find that guy, I will be luckier.. kinda picky and careful I know he will be nice...

You too, you're nice I am sure that one day you will meet a guy who's deserving of your love.. who will truly love you just the way you are and who won't leave you when challenges/ trials come. God bless!