lol KB

My mother would always say - 10 times daily - that she would "Half-kill"
me. Whatever that meant....

When I was hungry, my father would always tell me to "Run around the
house till you get fed up."

No wonder I moved out when I was 16 - before I graduated high school!

I had this girl come up to me in a bar and say, "Nice shoes...wanna
f*ck?"

lol I thought it was funny!

There was this female Elephant that was walking through the jungle one
day and she stepped on a thorn and it got stuck in her foot.

While she was crying in excruciating pain, this little mouse was
sauntering by.

"Little mouse," the Elephant pleaded behind tears, "Would you be so kind
to pull this thorn out of my foot?"

The Mouse thought about it for a minute and replied, "I dunnoooo. What's
in it for me?"

"I will let you fuck me," said the Elephant.

"Oh boy!" the Mouse exclaimed. So he removed the thorn.

"Ok, the Elephant said, "A deal is a deal. Climb aboard."

So the Mouse shimmies up the Elephant, lifts up her tail, pulls out his
little tallywhacker and drives it in her from behind. As he started
pumping away, this huge coconut falls from the tree above and hits the
Elephant right square in the head.

"Ow!!" the Elephant cries out.

The Mouse says, "That's right, bitch. Take it all!"

LMAO!

Shallow men are picky because of the peer pressure from their male (and
female) friends. No man wants to be laughed at by their friends. If you
don't believe me, ask a teenage boy. It stemmed from that period of time
in a man's life, I am sure.

Remember, the most fragile thing in the world is the male ego.

ROFLMAO!!!

There ya go! Now you are getting the hang of it! Cold pizza rules!!

How old are you? 27?

How come it's only Sportychic that will admit to eating cold pizza for
breakfast? What's wrong with you people? I know y'all done it at least
once! Admit it. Be one of us.......

Oh, btw, Sportychic, I guess maybe cold pizza ain't just a "man thing"
after all! Apparently, I stand corrected and thank you for educating me
on a early Saturday morning.

But cinnamon raisin bagels with strawberry cream cheese ain't exactly a
"man thing" either...

lol @ Sassy

Notice that in "Alpine"'s breakfast, there was no mention whatsoever of
raisin bagels or strawberry cream cheese.

I grew up in a fishing town in Nova Scotia, Canada. Sometimes, we used
to eat pan fried fish for breakfast. Don't knock it 'til you try it! But
it sure as hell ain't cold pizza, right, KB? lol

ROFLMAO

I live in Kentucky now but I am originally from Nova Scotia.
Hockey rules!

Hehehehe! You wish, Kingbreeze!

I would eat cold spaghetti at 4 AM! Anything has to be better than that
"Mini Wheats" or "Frosted Mini Wheats" crap. You may as well go outside
and graze.

I wonder if cold spaghetti would be good on cold pizza...

Dyslexic people all over the world are rejoicing!

LMAO - Thanks, I needed that!

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

lmao - good one!

There is this middle-aged man watching the football game on TV one
Sunday afternoon. His wife, who was cleaning house, walks up to him and
says, "Honey, I would like to do the laundry, but the washing machine
won't work. Could you take a look it, please?"

He barely looks up at her and says, "Do I look like I have 'Maytag'
written across my forehead. Get the hell out of here!"

So she leaves.

About 30 minutes later, she returns. "Honey, I wanted to mow the lawn,
but the mower is broken. Do you think that you can take a look at THAT?"

This time, he doesn't even look up at her, but says to her, "Does it
look like I have 'John Deere' written across my forehead? Get the hell
out of here!"

So she leaves again.

30 minutes later, she returns with, "Honey, Since you are watching
football out here, I would like to watch TV in the bedroom, but it's
broken. Do you think you can fix it?"

He growls, "Does it look like I have 'Sony' written across my
forehead??!? Go away!!!"

So she leaves again.

So the man finishes watching the game and bellows to his wife, "I am
going to the bar for awhile to drink beer, dammit! I will be back in a
few hours. Then, and ONLY then, I will look at whatever you need
fixin'!!"

A few hours later, the man shows up home to find the lawn cleanly mowed,
a load of laundry washing in the washing machine and his wife in the
bedroom watching her TV.

He says to her, "Wow! Looks like you have been pretty busy! How did you
learn to fix all this while I was gone?"

She replied, "I didn't. The nice looking young man across the street
came over and I asked him to fix them for me."

"Oh yeah?" the man grumbled, "How much did he charge you?"

"He said that I could either bake a cake for him or sleep with him," the
wife replied.

"So what kind of cake did you make him?"

The wife said, "Does it look like I have 'Betty Crocker' written across
my forehead?"