Attractive and annoying might be enough to give the girl a ride on your horse partner, but I wouldn't sell her the farm, if ya get my drift.

Annoying behavior increases exponentially over time. Save yourself the trouble.

It's an asset in that it shows you're loving and responsible. Lots of single moms will totally dig ya, especially since you show such respect for them since you understand what they go through.

I'm sure you've figured out by now that your child will and must come first though. Some girls can handle that, some girls can't. Think it depends on what stage they're at in their lives...starting a family, already raised one, still partying like a rockstar, career minded and not ready yet...there are all kinds out there! You'll have to be much more selective now, so try to weed 'em out before bringing them into your child's life.

You'll know when you meet the right one...maybe at the park by chance, or an introduction at a birthday party your kid attends, on here in the forums, who knows?! Just don't give up, no matter how difficult balancing dating and parenting may seem. It's not advantageous to do it all alone. There's a great girl out there looking for you too. That's about the best advice I can give ya. Best wishes to you and your child.

A psychologist can help with the behavior therapy part, but if it is a chemical imbalance, only a psychiatrist can prescribe drugs to try to address the issue. Either way, try to find someone to recommend the imaging study. It's painless...they just hook up electrodes to your head and flash pictures on a screen. Should provide some insight and then they can recommend a psychiatrist in your area if that's what you need. Might not be one at work, but if you can commute there, you can commute to an appt with a shrink as needed right? Where there's a will there's a way, especially if it might increase your happiness level ten fold and allows you to have what you seem to be looking for...the close emotional bond with someone. What's that worth???

Oh, and there's no shame in seeing a shrink. Only the weak don't admit when they need help...the strong get it and move on with gratitude in their hearts for those that helped them.

Here's my two cents for what it's worth. Studied attachment disorder while getting my BS in Biobehavioral Psychology.

Most think it's due to bonding issues as an infant or young child, however there is also strong evidence that links this disorder to neurological deficits of the child, meaning the emotional center of the brain isn't functioning properly. This could be a chemical imbalance (too few dopamine receptors in that area, not enough dopamine production in general, for examples), or simply an anomalie in the pathways that connect different brain areas.

Debate comes down to the old chicken and egg argument...what comes first? Is a child born with this deficit or does neglect and abandonment by a caregiver early in development cause the brain malfunction? I figure it doesn't really matter either way, you still gotta figure out what to do about it...

Luckily our brains are pliable; we CAN retrain them! I'd suggest seeing a psychiatrist to check for a chemical imbalance...you did mention needing the rush of playing the field and attributing it to the craving for dopamine. He can also probably do some imaging studies to measure emotional reaction to see if you have normal activity in that area of your brain. From what you've said so far, mu guess is you won't light up there. Then comes the hard part, behavior therapy. Eventually you should be able to 'learn' how to care. I know that sounds counterintuitive but it is possible. Ask about biofeedback and exposure therapy, they may offer some help for ya.

Good luck.

I've been single most of my life. Wouldn't say I'd given up, but I'm a realist. Do I think 'IT's' gonna happen? Probably not in this lifetime but ya never know!

They say IT happens when you least expect it so I have no expectations whatsoever. I'm not a flavor of the month and I'm definitely an acquired taste, so if IT does happen, it'll be a dang miracle! For now I just keep doing my own thing... you know what they say... "what will be, will be".

Two years ago, this very day, I watched you slip away
Into the clouds, upon a plane, your spirit couldn't stay.
You fought so hard to make it home, and I guess you probably did
Although the place was much too far from where we used to live.
I held your hand all through the night, my head upon your chest.
Your words grew short, your breathing slowed, the cancer didn't rest
It took you fast, so very fast, the world began to spin.
And that's the day, two years ago, my sorrows staggered in.
The tears, they flowed; the pain, intense; the heart, a broken mess
Like yesterday and days before, the memories won't rest.
I see your face, I feel your pain, I watched you slip away
Into the clouds, and you're still gone, two years ago this day.

R.I.P Dad

Don't settle for something less than you want. If you set high standards and reach your goal, nothing feels better. If you lower the standards, is success even success? If I can run a three minute mile and I enter a race, should I try to achieve the finish line in under five minutes? What sense would that make? Why not shoot for two and a half minutes? I might fail but I'm apt to run faster, not just halfa$$ it to the finish line.

I think it's the same in life, in relationships. Give it your best, all the time, and aim high. Better to fall short of something great having made a grand effort than to succeed at something mediocre. We might not have all the time in the world, but why waste what little time we have experiencing things we've already experienced, especially if they had negative consequences on our life back when? If you know what you DON'T want, it sure makes figuring out what you do want easier. Getting that SHOULD be a challenge or it's probably not worth having...

Good luck in your quest.

I'm a creature of habit... "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"... so to that extent I suppose I'm 'set' in my ways. I've lived alone, romantically speaking, for most of my adult life so it's to be expected... coffee cups go on the bottom shelf, watch the game at 7:00, some things just become routine.

Having said that, I think I adapt pretty well to our constantly evolving world. We all change over the course of our lives, impossible not to really, and so I roll with the punches and ride the waves trying to make the most of it. I'm pretty free-spirited when it comes to taking chances... "better to try and fail than never try at all". I've moved around, done tons of different things in my life, and I intend to do a whole lot more before I call it a day.

I may be somewhat set in my ways, but they're not set in cement and it's definitely portable!

I'd take my duffel bag full of cash, my dog (I'm not giving him up!!) and be stepping off on my way to parts unknown. Assuming I gave up my truck along with everything else, I suppose I'd either be hitchhiking back home to Vermont, or possibly flying somewhere exotic where my meager supply of cash would buy plenty of dog food, and I could kick back on a beach catching nothing but a tan for a spell.

At least until I snapped back to reality, got a job, replaced my ****, and started rebuilding my life again.

An award...for me...SWEET!

Thanks Andy.

I speak from experience. I am blessed to have gained a perspective from both sides of the coin so maybe that's why my words seem wise to you. I try to state things as clearly and concisely as possible when I venture to give my opinion on things, although I try to keep that to a minimum since I tend to be long-winded. It's the writer in me I suppose...

Edit: And thanks to you also Willing.

The welfare system needs to be revamped.

It SHOULD be used to help the disadvantaged take a step up, not provide a free handout to anyone. Those collecting fall into two categories...

1. Those who use the system to improve their lives and become productive members of society.

2. Those who abuse the system and live high off the hog for eternity on taxpayer dollars while the rest of us struggle to work.

Unfortunately, the latter group knows the faults and how to work the system to their advantage. Little can be done to alleviate the situation thanks to the newfound entitlement mentality that's spreading like wildfire in the midst of the welfare culture. Why work when the government will provide twice as much in benefits as you could make busting your a$$ all week? It's no wonder they get on welfare and don't want to get off. If you do try to make an effort, you lose more benefits than you make! What's wrong with this picture? Those who do nothing profit more than those who don't! Insanity!

2 changes that might help...

1. Benefits need to be temporary...long enough to find a job, or go to school to get skills so you CAN find a job...not lifelong. If you can't get your $hit together after X amount of time, chances are you never will and we're not going to condone that behavior by supporting you for the rest of your natural born life!

2. Drug testing should be done to receive benefits. Hey, if we have to drug test so we can work and get a paycheck, why shouldn't they have to test so they can get their free money? That rule alone would cut the rolls tremendously and most of them would be the category 2 folks, not the people that are getting some much needed help.

Able people (mind and body) SHOULD be working to support themselves and their families, period. The system we have in place right now rewards the apathetic and punishes those who make an honest effort to overcome difficult circumstances. Sad really...

Acme 'nice girl' factory???

But seriously...they're everywhere! Depends on the type of nice girl you're looking for. If you want a surfer chick, hit the beach. If you want a sports aficionado, try a ballgame. Want a dance maniac, clubbing might be the way to go. Go to where you enjoy yourself most (unless that's the bathroom with lotion and a soft hand towel!) and start the sorting process. Wean out the mean ones and you'll be left with the nice girls.

These terms are subjective, depends on your taste/preferences.

Some guys dig bigger chicks and to them I'm probably slender or athletic. To a serious athlete, I'm probably a few extra pounds. To average Joe, I'm probably average.

I can only tell you my take on the difference between these two:

Slender: Alfalfa could bench press me.

Athletic: I could bench press him.

Hmmm. I didn't know there was such a thing as too much sex, therefore I feel obliged to further investigate this phenomenon.

I shall enlist the help of a willing male subject and document how long it takes to produce negative health vibes from too much sex.

By the way, what the hell are negative health vibes?

Have I ever! I feel your pain! I wasn't sure I was gonna make it through my son's teenage years. He turns 20 next week and is on his own now. Sometimes being a strong willed child helps the kid in the long run though. Just gotta wait for the dividends, and make sure to positively influence what they are strong willed about.



Set clear concise boundaries. "Dinner is at 6:00 sharp. Be at the table or don't eat.", "Curfew on school nights is 9:00" Consequences need to be known for misbehavior ahead of time and then stick to your guns when it comes to enforcing them, without arguing about it. You can put it in writing even and both sign to solidify a commitment to live within the rules. Defiant teens are actually asking for more structure although that seems counterintuitive.

Give acceptable choices for appropriate behavior all the time, but especially after encountering unacceptable behavior. Try to state as calmly as possible that you saw how your child was feeling, "I see that you're extremely mad..." This shows them that you understand their emotions and helps them become aware of their defiant behaviors.

"...But screaming at me is unacceptable. You could have either talked to me like an adult about this, or you could have gone in your room and screamed into your pillow. Since you decided to scream at me, you need to go to your room for a half hour. Check the contract!"

Reward good behaviors with a very high amount of praise. Set goals that are attainable for your child to earn priveleges. "If we continue to not argue the rest of this week, you can go out with your friends Friday night. I'm proud of you for keeping your cool when I asked you to clean your room before you went shopping. Good choice!"

One warning...things will probably get worse before they get better, but if you are consistent and firm in your resolve, it won't take long before things get easier and the defiance lessens. It won't ever go completely away, no kids are obedient 100% of the time, you wouldn't want them to be, but these tips may help you gain a little control over the situation. Hope the advice helps. Good luck.

When all else failed, I coped with a stiff drink or twelve!

Genetics shafted me!



At least I got a high functioning brain! Intellect may not trump big boobs, but some guys care more about a woman's complete make-up. Does she have class? Is she cool? Can she carry a conversation? I might not have big boobs, but I have everything I need to be perfect for the right person who sees me for more than my cup size.

Simple. Be the man she wants!

I wouldn't go placing her within some preconceived parameters based on one of four personality descriptions. Women are complex. You can't try to be what you think she wants based on her supposed dominant personality type. You have to just be you and hope that's what she's looking for and that she's what you're looking for. Can't do that unless you get to know her and she you, and when you do, you'll probably find out she fits many of those categories. Sometimes she's a thinker, sometimes a talker, a watcher, and/or a driver. Crazy to think you can customize your approach to a specific type.

Thank you!

I want a man to SHARE my life with...not define it.

Having my degree in Psychology, I rarely take studies at face value. Most psychological studies are set up to show a positive or negative correlation between two things, not causation which is much more difficult to "prove", statistically speaking. Methods are a key component that can put the validity and reliability of the study in doubt.

I personally think that spanking should be used sparingly, if at all. I've studied learning and behavior extensively, and while I'm not an expert, I've used what I learned to make the most logical decisions about many facets of life.

Spanking is usually performed when a parent is frustrated with a child's actions. The child however thinks the parent is upset with them (very young children are incapable of distinguishing between themeselves and their actions), and the consequence is physical punishment often involving some degree of pain and fear for the child. An association is then developed between frustration and pain and fear. When the child then faces their own frustration, the link already established and enforced through repeated exposure kicks in and the child will lash out with what they have been taught...to react in a way that causes pain and fear to the person that has frustrated them. Just one example of how it can be detrimental.

Disclaimer: This doesn't mean that I think parents who spank are abusive. It can be effective if done properly and only as a last resort, but most parents don't do that. They just give the whipping, or spoon, or smack while in an angry state with little explanation whenever the child does something "wrong".

Exactly what I was going to say!