So I come to realize that all my past relationships failed because I have an attachment disorder and trust issues. Basically I never really loved anyone, family included. At least not what I would think love should be. I actually just recently discovered this was my problem so I decided to go to therapy. The problem is I am not sure what to do about my relationship. I mean I like the girl, I like not being alone, and she loves me. We have talked about this issue of mine so she knows I have it. Some things that concern me are. 1 she wants kids and I don't. I have a big fear of just not caring much about them and that will Basically screw them up emotionally. 2. Fear at some point she will leave when she finally tires of my lack of attachment. 3. Worry about being unhappy. I used to chase girls a lot because of the excitement and the dopamine response. This is usually short lived, a few months, and That's when I wanted to move on. Wondering if anyone out there has similar issues. It's quite strange always longing for a loving relationship but not being able to feeling from myself or others.

My son has an attachment disorder also. Where I am confused, you said that you didn't care about anyone..even your family. When I took my son to counseling they said his attachment disorder was toward me, he didn't want to leave my side. So is there one certain person that you are attached to or are they saying that you are not attached to anyone?
I understand the part about not having feelings towards your mate. I look back over my relationships and after we broke up...I never once cried. I do not feel like most people and think OMG I have to have this person back or my world is over. I feel like, THANK GOD THAT IS OVER, NOW I CAN BE A LONE AGAIN.
My mom tells me that I am just like my dad, he always felt this way also. Honestly I think all of my dad's family feels this way. I am a loner and to be honest with you..I am not a people person. I honestly love being single and by myself.
See you don't like to be alone and you are afraid to have kids. I love being alone and I took the big plunge got married and have 2 kids. I am single now AND I love my kids and spending time with them. I think if you had kids...your outlook might change because they are a part of you?
One question...do you love yourself? I guess in order to go to the next step you have to love yourself first. I actually do love myself...I just don't like that many people. I guess my whole thing is maybe I have never been IN love yet???
It is so hard to explain all the emotions you go through on this one.
GOOD LUCK AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE ON THIS ONE!!!

What I mean is I am detached from people in general. There is no such thing as a detachment disorder. It is technically an attachment disorder. I don't have no feelings for them it is just that they are not incredibly strong. I contact them when I think it's expected or when I want something. Sometimes I find it bothersome. When I lived in Japan, for example, I never really missed my family. I just didn't think about them unless they contacted me. I pretty much have always been this way. I mean I talk to my mom a lot about life and stuff. She is Someone I am open with, but for example a year ago she was being tested for cancer and while most people would be freaked I really didn't think about it much. It does bother me that I am like this as I know it's nit normal. Sometimes I wonder if I should avoid serious relationships as it is unfair to the other person.

Oh and I like being single and playing the field. I just don't like the idea of being alone when I am old. It's like I dream about finding love and being happy all the time. I just don't experience these feelings in outside of fantasies.

I think maybe after all the flames and burns I am starting to become attachment disordered myself.

Me too.

Why does it have to be a disorder? Maybe that is how you are and what makes you happy. Who's to say the rest of them are not the disorder? Either way.. good luck to you.

No, I dream of a woman to love...and I want and need more than the dream.

Exactly. I want to be in a relationship where I am content. Basically I am with someone for a while and just want to be with someone different. It is not a feeling I am proud of or want.

I'm never with someone enough to "grow tired" of them.

Honestly, you are MY age. That being said, enjoy these times as my elders always say. We really don't have to get it all right away. I know you didn't say that but the undertone of this post connects with the frustration brewing in our youth. Not everyone is like this but there are still people who think we need/have to have it. Seriously, you gain experience by trying and try again. Don't convince yourself that you have to find the one right now, you are, IMO, making a drastic mistake. In the end, you are only hurting your head. I say live like George Clooney. Sample a few girls. See what you like. Don't like this one, try the next and the next. You like playing the field so it shouldn't be a problem. Try dating a new race even. Now THAT'S a new experience. The reason why you are going to therapy is because you may be afraid to get out there and explore yourself. They don't have to be fantasies anymore, you can make them real since I sense this is what you really want. You shouldn't be so freaked out at trying. I know you said you have a girlfriend but honestly, if you can't directly discuss these things with her and resort to paying someone to talk about it then its time to move on. Brutal truth.

IMHO Detachment Disorder is a load of well you know. There is a lot of what is called pschobabble out there. As long as people want to buy that inappropriate behavior is some how justifiable because of some kind of disorder or they need a reason to have bad behavior they will.

Yea sometimes things do go south because people are just being young and dumb but selfishness and entitlement are habits that can and need to be checked. There are a lot of people that never get that they are not the center of the universe. They enter puberty and because they can get away with it they do. And it just sets in until it either becomes so much of a reputation that the consequences are so harsh that the person ammends their behavior and the result.

I do believe the whole "loner" mentality is a defense mechanism that people often pass down to their kids even though sometimes they don't mean too. Many family problems are inner generational. Cheating , abandonment, negelect, alcoholism, drug addiction can be traced back all to often.

Some of it is parents that have never been taught to bond or for one reason or another had difficulty bonding, Health, intoxication, disaster amid the bonding stage or have the myth ingrained in them that it is automatic when really it isn't.

Being respected and loved is something people have to require in a relationship and often don't. Sometimes they think it "eventually" happen or they can "make" them love them by doing enough and that just doesn't happen if it isn't there from the start or never developed. Not everyone can love anybody.

The idea that someone thinks that they get to be cared for just because they are old and need it is a common and dangerous myth. Yes sometimes people will step up but nurseing homes are full of people who have bullied the ones they have and when their time came they just walked away and said ok you earned nothing and now you get nothing.

I think a lot of familial elder abuse is long seething rage that finally is returned.

The problem being my gf of 2 years is from South Korea and her student visa is about up. So it's coming down to do or die time. She Basically already quit her life and moved away with me. There is no Let's take a break.

Attachment Disorder is very real and stems from childhood abuse. It's when a person cannot form normal attachments to people. As far as I know there is no therapy or cure for it.

If I remember correctly, a person who has AD does not long for the missing relationship. They are unable to generate those feelings.

If you are not IN love with her...let her go and find someone that will truly appreciate her? She knows how you are and can she put up with this forever? This is a tough call.

I must not have AD then...just poor luck of the draw or something else...something sinister...

UGH, you really have a problem. Being single and playing the field, but not growing old and being alone. Here in lies the red-flag of dating someone. I think you are not being a fair partner to your girlfriend. She loves you and you can not help your disorder. If you have no intentions of ever having that child she wants you need to cut her loose. Im not saying you are in the wrong with any of this, clearly it is a disorder and to be fair though to your partners in life, I hope you are honest about it. I hate being touched unless it is with my partner. I can not stand when people bump me in line or their arm brushes against me in the theater, so I am not fond of crowded areas. But when I am with someone I am seemingly normal so long as they are the only one who is touching me. You should break up with your girlfriend or carry on with therapy and have her involved in the therapy as well so she can better understand your stance. You sound like you have cheater capabilities based on your statement, "Oh I like being single and playing the field"

Thank you, I was about to say this as well. It is a real disorder, many people often develop it as children. Children who come from abusive households or social services often have this disorder.

I did a little Googling and I guess now they say it's treatable in some cases. I first read about this over 15 years ago and I guess they have come a long way in treating it.

I dont know how they treat it but I know kids get it, like PTSD for kids.